The Hawke Family Legacy
by SammyGal123
Summary: Marian Hawke, a sixteen year old, rebels against her gift of magic and she causes fire in the field behind her home in Lothering. Her Father feels it is best for her to spend two years at the Circle where she learns to understand the importance of the gift of magic. This is her story as told from her point of view. RATED M for mild adult themes and language.
1. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 01

**Author's Note**

Welcome to my new story. As you are all aware, I did post a note on my _Forever & Always Series_ - I am not continuing with that story as it is poorly written, therefore I have re-written it under the title _The Hawke Family Legacy_. I hope you will enjoy reading it. Volume I and II are complete and I am currently working on Volume III.

As you read my story, you will see that I have replaced Mother and Father with Mom and Dad. I did this because my protagonist is a teenager and I thought a less informal approach would be appropriate.

**Acknowledgements**

As always the names, places, locations and specific story-lines I have based my novel around are the sole property of BIOWARE.

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**The Hawke Family Legacy I**

**Chapter One**

"_Magic must serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base"_

-v-

I am in a state of panic and I want to curse myself for behaving in such an irresponsible way. The flames of the fire I caused are looming closer and there is no way for me to escape and for the first time since I discovered my gift of magic, I curse the Maker for the gift he bestowed upon me, not just because the gift of magic is seen as a sin, but because several youngsters are watching me from beyond the fence surrounding the field not far from my home and because my Dad is going to be absolutely furious with me. In my desperation, I attempt conjuring a wall of ice between me and the looming flames, but it does not work and why should it? I have tried to bring the fire under control so it doesn't spread to the onlookers. I will never forgive myself if one of them dies due to my stupidity. Taking a deep breath, I tell myself I can do it and a fresh surge of power moves through me and finally, after what seems an eternity, I manage to bring the fire under control by conjuring a big enough wall of ice. I collapse, exhausted, to my knees and I murmur a silent prayer of thanks...but my respite is interrupted by the insults coming from the onlookers...

"She's a demon... She shouldn't be allowed to live."

"She's cursed."

Swallowing the hard lump in my throat, I pull myself to my feet and I stand tall. _I will not be intimidated. I will not be intimidated._ This is something I deal with every day and the more they goad me, the more rebellious I become.

I am sixteen years old and I am so lonely. Lonely for the company of people my age, but if I tried making any friends, they always scurried away from me like the rats they are or they insult me. Say hurtful things to my face and behind my back as if I asked for the gift of magic. I did not. I was born this way. My Dad is a mage as well as my younger sister, Bethany. Poor Bethy. She's a lonely child. She is too young to understand. We discovered her gift when she accidentally set her friend's doll on fire. Luckily the friend's Mother was around to extinguish it, but she approached my parents and told them to keep Bethany away from her daughter and we had a difficult time explaining the reasons why she couldn't play with her friend anymore.

I let out a despondent sigh as I make my way towards the crowd of people and quite unexpectedly, a stone whizzes past my head and I frown. _Why would anyone throw a stone at me?_ I notice a group of guys and one of them is readying himself to throw another stone at me... I can't believe it. White-hot anger mingled with indignation sweeps through me and my hands itch with the need to show them how dangerous I am when provoked. I curl my hands into fists as mana surges through me.

Mana is what makes a mage unique. We are all born with mana, but mages are the only people who have the ability to tap into the Fade – a realm of dreams where demons and spirits alike live. Mages have the ability to tap into the Fade in a waking state unlike non-mages who can only tap into the Fade in a sleeping state. A mage's ability to tap into the _Fade_ when it suits them is what makes us extremely vulnerable to demon possession and the very reason we are feared to such an extent.

A soft singing sound interrupts my contemplation and I give my hands a quick glance. White wisps of magic are floating from my fingers in long strands and it is not a good sign. I cannot lose control again. I close my eyes and take slow, even breaths to bring myself under control.

"Marian?" A rich, deep baritone voice says and my eyes shoot open. A young man not much older than me is coming towards me with utmost concern in his green eyes. Eyes that remind me of pine leaves with a hint of gold in them.

"Back off, Aaron. I don't need you or anyone else for that matter."

"Mari, I am not here to fight you. I am here because I am concerned about you. This," he says gesturing to the burnt part of field behind me, "Is unlike you. What do you hope to achieve?"

"What do you care, Aaron? So don't even try to pretend otherwise."

"I...care more than you realise."

"No, you don't... Look at your friends... They are all sneering at me and they are ready to throw stones at me. If you care, prove it because I'm done trying to-" I lower my gaze to my worn boots. I don't want him to see the depths of what I feel for him. I've been interested in him for a long time and he refuses to take me seriously.

"Mari, I'm not like them..."

"Whatever," I scoff as I look at him. He has short, black unruly hair that never stays flat as much as he tries to keep it flat. He is six feet tall and has a broad set of shoulders on him. He has a square, determined jaw and a firm mouth, but his most striking feature are his eyes that never seize to surprise me and at the moment they are searching my face for something and I frown. _What is he searching for?_ Shaking my head, I walk past him with the intention of heading home, when a stone hits me in the head. I stagger to the ground and I try to refocus my vision. I blink a few times and I manage to pull myself to my feet. I search around for the one who threw the stone at me and I find a pair of cold blue eyes staring at me, daring me to react and my hands burn with the need to use my magic, but a pair of gentle hands close over my wrists and I look up and into the sky-blue eyes of my Father and I cringe when I recognise the disappointment, disapproval and anger on his lined face.

"I think you've had your fun, Marian," he says quietly.

"They started it, Dad. What else was I supposed to do? Run and hide?"

"Mari, we talked about this just the other day-"

"And what, Dad? I must continue listening to their insults? And do nothing? Why must I tolerate it?"

"Mari," he says as he steers me through the crowd and as we head towards the path, Aaron bounds up from behind and he lightly touches my arm. I pause to look at him and in his eyes, there is a glimmer of hope, maybe? I don't know but his gesture touches a nerve. I offer him a small smile and he reaches for my hand and he releases it, leaving a small, crumpled note in the palm of my hand. I frown, but instead of reading it, I shove it into my pocket.

"He seems a good kid, Mari."

"I am not interested, Dad, and why should I be? He wants to join the _Templar Order_... And I don't want anything to do with anyone whose job it is to arrest mages and send them to the _Circle_..."

"So, are you going to tell me what happened out there today?" he asks as we walk up the path leading to our modest, wooden home. The path is adorned with dainty blue flowers. My Mom calls them _Andraste's Grace_ and they are my favourite flowers and they smell sweet to. The flowers are native to _Ferelden_ and they are very common around _Lothering_, our village. We've lived here since I was seven. My siblings, Bethany and Carver were born here.

"I was annoyed, Dad, and upset. That is what triggered my outburst."

"And that is what your Mother and I are going to discuss with you after you've cleaned yourself and eaten your supper."

"Why not now?" I ask quietly as we step into the kitchen. My Mom is busy preparing a meal for us and upon closer inspection, I recognise her famous vegetable soup.

"Smells good, Mom."

"I hope so," she says as she turns towards me. "You look a sight, Mari. Have a bath," she says softly and the concern is clear in her light-grey eyes.

"I am sorry, Mom. I let my anger get the better of me. It's just... At the moment, things are...difficult for me," I whisper.

"I know. Have a bath, Mari. We will talk later," she says firmly, sadly as if she knows something I don't.

"Mom, is everything okay?"

"Just go and bath, Marian," she replies firmly, leaving no room for argument.

"Fine, whatever," I mutter as I back away from her towards the living-room. Our living-room is small, yet comfortable. There are two couches and two single-seaters around the fireplace. On the left wall is a bookshelf containing every book imaginable. Books on our country's history. Books on magic. Books about the _Chantry_ and its history and there are also books for children.

I wonder up the passage and into my bedroom. It's the smallest room in the house. It has a single bed under the window. A desk and a wardrobe and its very much my spot. I don't allow the twins in here because they can be a handful at times and they like to get into my things. Deep in thought about what my parents want to speak to me about, I open my wardrobe to take out a fresh blouse and pants. With them in hand, I walk into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. While I wait for the bath to fill with water, I study my reflection in the mirror and a fair-skinned young woman with sky-blue eyes and short and unruly black hair stares back at me as if to say _now you've done it_. Ignoring that thought, I take out the note Aaron gave to me and I open it. After reading it, I scrunch it up in disgust. I am not interested in going out with him, let alone go for a walk with him tomorrow. He has done nothing to prevent his friends from hurling insults at me. He has never stood up for me or anything remotely like that and now he wants to go out with me. It does not make sense and I realise I don't actually care and with this though uppermost in my mind, I strip off my clothes and climb into the warm water. Water I warmed using my gift of magic and boy, does it feel good to finally unwind and relax after my near-disaster today.

-v-

We've just finished eating our meal of vegetable soup when my Dad asks me to join him in the study. I glance questionably at my Mom who is preparing tea for all of us. She shakes her head before looking down at her hands and a pang of anxiety hits me in the pit of my stomach. This is not good at all.

"What is going on, Mom?"

"Do as your Father says, Mari. I will join you shortly," she replies without looking at me and my anxiety worsens. I decide to not press her further and with my stomach in tight knots, I follow him into the study. He closes the door behind us and points to a chair. I sit down without saying anything and I clasp my hands tightly together and I search his face for any signs of what he wants to tell me, but his expression is unreadable. My Dad does not tolerate nonsense of any kind including the abuse of the gift the Maker bestowed upon us and I realise I have gone too far and he is more than likely going to punish me. Clutching the seat of my chair with my hands, I force myself to meet his piercing blue-eyed gaze.

"Mari, what you did today was totally unacceptable. Your Mother and I are very disappointed in your behavior over the last six months or so. We have spoken to you time and again about not flaunting or abusing your gift of magic in front of the villagers, yet you have blatantly ignored us. I did not raise you to abuse your gift of magic. I raised you to use it responsibly. I understand how difficult things are for you especially at your age when you desperately need a friend or two, but deliberately flaunting your gift of magic is the wrong way to go about it...You know people fear mages and all you are achieving is proving that they are right. Is this what you want, Mari? For yourself? For Bethany?"

"What I want is to walk around _Lothering_ and the fields without the fear of being mocked or insulted by the villagers. Do you know that one of the boys threw a stone at me? Do you see the bruise on my forehead? How do you think I feel when they call me _demon_, _cursed_? That I don't deserve to live or that I should be in the _Circle_?"

"Mari, someone threw a stone at you? Who was he, Mari? Because that is unacceptable."

"And what? You are going to speak to his parents? It will only make things worse, Dad. You...You should have seen the look of hatred in his cold blue eyes."

"What about Aaron, Mari? He seems fond of you. I saw the way he was looking at you. He likes you, Mari, yet you don't want anything to do with him. Why?"

"Because he does nothing when his friends insult me. He sits back and does absolutely nothing. If he really cares for me, he would stand up for me, but he doesn't..." I drop my gaze to my tightly-knotted fingers. "He intends to enlist with the _Templar Order_...How can I get involved with him?"

"Marian, not all _Templars_ are as cold-hearted as you make them out to be... Let me tell you something, my girl... When your Mother and I eloped, a Templar ensured us save passage out of _Kirkwall_. He risked his life by helping us...By helping me escape the _Kirkwall Circle_ so that I could be with your Mother who was pregnant with you at the time...He was the finest Templar I knew and we were very good friends."

"And your point is-?"

"My point is don't reserve judgment too quickly, Marian..."

"Fine...Whatever. Are we done?" I ask as I stand, but he gives me a deadpan stare and I hastily sit down.

"Ah, Leandra," he says and I twist myself in my chair. My Mom comes in and places the tray in front of us. I reach for my mug of tea and I have a sip.

"Where are the twins, Mom?"

"They are playing quietly together and they asked me if you are going to read to them before they go to bed... I suggest you do..." she replies.

"Whatever," I mutter.

"Marian..." warns my Dad.

"Sorry," I murmur without looking at either of them.

"Have you told her, yet, Malcolm?" she asks.

"Told me what?" I ask looking from one to the other, but I linger on my Mom's face. Her eyes are too bright and I don't understand why.

"No, I haven't," he sighs as he runs his fingers through his short, black hair and I push my tea away. I'm too anxious to drink it and I feel quite ill.

"Do we really have to do this, Malcolm? Is it really necessary?"

"Mom, what are you on about?" I whisper, my mouth suddenly goes dry and I grab my mug again.

"Just tell her, Malcolm, otherwise I will," she replies.

"Marian, we feel it would be in your best interests to spend two years at the _Circle_..." And my heart drops to my stomach. A mixture of pain and anger flares through me and I jump to my feet, dropping my cup in the process and my tea sloshes all over my clean pants.

"What?" I hiss.

"Considering the difficult time you are going through, we feel it would be beneficial for you and your welfare to spend two years at the _Circle_ mingling with other mages..."

"Why?" I whisper, clenching my hands into tight fists to control myself and deal with the deep pain his words have caused.

"Think about it, sweetie... What is it you want?"

"To be accepted, Daddy... Is that too much to ask? I love my gift of magic. I love the fact I can heal others..." I trail away. I inherited my Father's talent for healing. The villagers highly respected him for always being available to help the sick and infirm and to deliver babies. Sometimes I helped him in the clinic they built for him near the _Chantry_. I often thought this was the very reason why the _Templars_ left us alone.

"But at the same time, you are destructive, Mari... I taught you my motto and I told you what it meant, but you have not learned your lesson. _Magic must serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base_. And as far as you are concerned, you don't follow my motto and until then, I cannot help you. I have taught you all I know, yet you don't listen to me...And it saddens me knowing you have left me with no other option, but to go to the _Circle_. So, what is it you want, Mari?"

"I...I don't know... Do you really think sending me to the _Circle_ is the answer?"

"It will be in your best interests, Mari. As a boy, I spent years in the _Fereldan Circle_. I was not happy, but at least I was with my own people. I learned so much from First Enchanter Irving. You see, the way it works is that you will be under the mentorship of one of the Senior Mages and they will guide you and help you grow as a mage. I can assure you that you will learn so much from them and they have an extensive library which I think you will enjoy considering you are an avid reader. It's two years, Mari. Two years to find yourself and your true potential as a mage."

"But- I won't see you... As far as I know, they don't allow the mages to leave the _Circle_ at all. What kind of life is that, Dad?"

"Fair enough. It's not ideal, however, you will be with people your age and you will more than likely make a few friends... From what you have told me, this is exactly what you want...Surely you can make it work, Mari?"

"Does it look like I have a choice in the matter, Dad? It seems you have already made the decision for me...And what do you have to say about this, Mom?"

"I am not happy either, Mari, but perhaps this is something you need. I would consider it very carefully... He's right. It's not the ideal situation, however, I feel it would be good for you. It will give you a chance to find yourself... Think about it, sweetie," she replies.

"Why? It's clear you have already made the decision...So much for asking me what I want..." I mutter and I flee out of the study away from the disappointment in their eyes and I bolt for the back-door. I don't even take heed when Bethany calls me. I am so upset, I don't take heed of where I am until I run smack-bang into a solid body and we tumble to the ground. I am on my feet and ready to defend myself, when a warm pair of hands closes over my wrists and I look up and into the concerned green eyes of Aaron. He hastily drops my hands and steps away from me. Maker knows what he sees in my face, but it doesn't prevent him from grabbing my hand and lacing his fingers with my own and I am too upset to shrug away from him.

"Mari? Are you alright?" he asks softly.

"No," I whisper over the lump in my throat and to my chagrin, my eyes start burning and I hastily look away from him lest he see my tears.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No," I reply.

"Okay," he sighs. "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"With you? Why would I want to go for a walk with you?"

"I..I don't know. Perhaps it will make you feel a bit better."

"If you say so," I murmur.

"Why do you hate me so much, Mari? I don't understand. What did I ever do to you?" he asks, releasing my hand to run his fingers through his already-tousled hair and by the light of the fast-fading sun, he looks...attractive.

"I don't hate you, Aaron. I don't have time for someone who stands back while his friends hurl insults at me...and let's not forget the stones your friend hurled at me this afternoon..."

"What was I supposed to do, Mari? I've spoken to them many times and they always ignore me..."

"Then perhaps you should make new friends, Aaron," I scoff as I back away from him.

He smiles, "True, but the person with whom I would like to form a friendship with is as stubborn as they come and she can't even see a good thing when it's staring her in the face... Like now... She's backing away as if I am going to harm her, when all I want to do is hug her and try to bring her some happiness, but I guess I can forget about that..."

"Well, I guess you can," I smirk and I turn away from him before he sees my reaction. Little does he know his words have struck a chord within me and the temptation to hug him is nearly overwhelming.

"Mari, please? Just talk to me...I've been told I'm a good listener," he says.

"I don't care, Aaron," I mutter.

"And I don't believe you," he mutters as he whirls me around to look at him and his green eyes are darker than ever.

"I don't care about that, either," I whisper as I try to shrug free of his grasp, but he's holding me too securely. "Let me go, Aaron. I don't want to hurt you..."

"I don't think you will, but there you go," he retorts, releasing me and he backs away from me.

"Thank you..." I murmur as I close the short distance between us.

"So you aren't going to tell me what happened?"

"Why should I? What help are you going to be, Aaron?"

"Oh...You are so stubborn, Marian..." he says softly.

"And you are so persistent...Fine... Here's the short. My parents intend sending me to the _Circle_ for two years so that I can learn to appreciate my gift..."

"Oh," he says softly, sadly.

"And that's all you have to say about it?" I snap.

"You are so infuriating, Marian...," he murmurs as he grabs my hands. "Then I don't have much time," he continues.

"Time for what?" I ask.

"To show you how I feel," he replies and before his words register, he wraps his arms around me and presses his lips against mine and I am too shocked to react and when my response is not forthcoming, he pulls away from me looking sheepish. "I'm sorry," he murmurs as he turns away from me.

"Don't do that again, Aaron... There is no point in forming a relationship with me and besides you have waited too long. I've been interested in you for a very long time and you have not made a move until today and besides, I am certain I will be on my merry way to the _Circle_ before the end of the week," I tell him as I turn away from him. He does not need to know how flustered I am after his kiss and I walk away from him without saying anything more because there is nothing more to say...


	2. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 02

**Chapter Two**

I lean back in my seat and I stare unseeingly at the passing countryside. My backpack, with a few of my possessions including my journal, is next to me and I place my hand on top of it. I have not said a word to my Dad since we climbed aboard this carriage and I can't get the look of devastation on my Mom's face when I said goodbye to her out of my head. To say that was difficult is an understatement because my siblings were equally devastated especially Bethany who couldn't or didn't want to understand why I was leaving. As for Carver, his expression was difficult to read.

"It's for your own good, you know," says my Dad.

"Maybe, but I find it difficult to believe that my Father would willingly send me away to the _Circle_..."

"You left me with no choice, Mari."

"Maybe so," I scoff, "But I didn't have much of a choice."

"And you are being difficult, Mari."

"So are you," I mutter more to myself than to him and I don't care if he heard me.

"For the Maker's sake, stop behaving like a petulant six-year-old who can't get her own way. It's time you realised a few things, Marian and one of them is appreciating your gift."

"Gift?" I scoff, "It's more of a curse than anything else. Sometimes listening is the answer."

"Fine... I am going around in circles here... Let's just try to rationalise this... I want you to be happy, Mari, and this is the best solution. Irving is a good man and I would like you to trust me on this. It's only for two years, sweetie and then you'll be home."

"Two years too long, Dad," I murmur.

"It won't be that bad. The _Circle_ here is far more lenient than the other Circles across _Thedas_ and you might find you enjoy it. I am pretty certain you will."

And for the first time this week, I feel a flicker of hope and I look at him. "You think?"

"I hope so, Mari. Just give yourself a chance," he replies and I don't take comfort from the warm smile he gives to me. Instead, I look away and continue staring out of the window at the passing countryside. I don't know much about the _Circle_, except that it is a circular tower and it is on an island in the middle of _Lake Calenhad_.

"It's easy for you to say, Dad. You aren't the one who is going to spend the next two years in the _Circle_. You aren't the one who is not going to see your parents or siblings for the next two years. That is for me, and me alone to deal with."

"You know, your maturity surprises me, Mari. I don't understand why you don't use that maturity when it comes to your gift of magic... Do you really think I want this for you? I don't, Mari. I love you and I don't want to do this, but your Mother and I have tried, yet you refused to listen to us. I feel I have failed you as your father and I feel as if I have failed your mother. She is not thrilled about the prospect of not seeing you for two years...In fact, she is angry with me for even suggesting it... She has not said two words to me for nearly a week, Mari, because of it..."

"And that is my fault to? Just keep laying it on, Dad... I don't care either way..." I bite my lip, because I care more than he realises it and he sees right through me.

"I don't believe you, Marian. I know my daughter and at the moment she is angry with me and I can't say I blame her, but please, sweetie, it's for your own good."

"So you keep telling me..." I murmur.

"Mari, I spent most of my teenage years in the _Fereldan Circle_ under the mentorship of Irving. He's a good man. He was the father I never had and he taught me everything I know. Knowledge I have passed onto you and once Bethy is old enough, I will do the same."

"How did you end up in _Kirkwall_?" I ask.

"They like to move us between the Circles, Mari... Sometimes they need mages with special skills, such as my ability to heal, to mentor aspiring apprentices," he replies.

"So they transferred you?"

"Yes, they did and I met your Mother at one of the many banquets they held at the _Viscount Hall_. Ah... She was beautiful. I managed to get her attention by accidentally-on purpose dropping the tray of drinks I was carrying. And all she did was laugh as she helped me mop the mess I made. Then she cornered Gamlen and asked him to cover for her. He was not amused..."

"And you sneaked out onto the balcony and chatted for a long time. You even managed to steal a kiss."

"A story you've heard too many times, I am sure..."

"Dad, Aaron kissed me the other night..."

"What?"

"You heard me..."

"And?"

"I was flustered at first, but when I thought about it, I realised it just didn't feel right. I didn't know how to respond and I told him not to do it again..."

"Now I understand why he can't look me in the eye anymore."

"He didn't feel right and I didn't enjoy it. Not a nice way to experience one's first kiss, now is it?"

"Mari," he chuckles, "It's not the end of the world. There will be others."

"Mmm...I doubt that, Dad," I state flatly.

"And what am I going to do with you sweetie?"

"Dad, I am not that bad. Perhaps I will meet someone."

"And if you do, Mari, just behave responsibly and keep in mind that any relationships between mages is against _Chantry Law_."

"As if I care about the _Chantry_, Dad. They do more harm than good. I feel there would be less trouble if mages were allowed the same freedom as everyone else. Keeping them away from their families is in itself sinful."

"I won't argue there, but heed my advice. That is all I am saying."

"Whatever... Are we staying in _Redcliffe_ for the night?" I ask as the driver enters the village.

What I like about this village is that it is right on _Lake Calenhad_. The Circle is a morning's journey away from the village.

"Yes, we are. I thought it would be a good idea to rest for the night and I believe their food is very tasty."

"Really?" I ask just as my stomach starts grumbling. "Because I'm hungry."

"Yes... Grab your things, sweetie," he says.

"I've got my things, Dad," I chuckle as I climb out of the carriage and follow him towards an Inn. The first thing I notice is the warmth and coziness as we step indoors. By the noise level, I assume it is fairly busy and I am proved right as we step into an open inn with chairs and tables dotted around a small dancefloor. My Dad takes me by the elbow and gently steers me to an empty table away from the hustle and bustle. He goes off and returns five minutes later with two tankards of cider.

"Thanks, Dad," I mumble.

"Our meal will be here shortly. I ordered a salad for you. Is that good enough?"

"Yes...I don't have the stomach to eat anything else."

"Nervous about tomorrow?"

"No... Anxious is the better-suited word to describe my current emotional state."

"You will be fine, Mari. You are stronger than you give yourself credit."

I shrug my shoulders and decide to keep quiet. I don't want to fight with him about his reasons for deciding the _Circle_ is where I need to be because, secretly, I am looking forward to it and the possibility about making friends and learning all I can about magic.

"Mari, did your Mother tell you that you have a cousin, Solona Amell, in the _Circle_? She is about a year or two older than you."

"Yes, she did tell me and that is what to me?"

"You won't be alone, Mari. Perhaps you will find a friend in her. She's been in the _Circle_ since she was eleven, twelve. Her parents didn't wait for the Templars to collect her. They packed her a small bag, got her to the carriage and sent her on her way...alone. She must have been eleven, Mari."

I swallow hard. "That is so cruel, Dad. Why didn't her Mom or Dad go with her?"

"They wanted nothing to do with her, Mari. The_ Amell_ family thinks magic is a stain on their name and blood, except your Mother. She knew we would produce a mage child, but what we didn't realise was that we would produce a second mage child and her gift is manifesting itself more strongly with each passing day."

"And you don't want Bethy to follow my lead, now do you?" I ask as I fold my arms defensively across my chest.

"No... That is not why we made this decision, Mari. We are doing what we think is best for you because we love you and we are concerned about you."

"I...I know. I am sorry. Things are difficult at the moment..." I trail away as our plates are placed in front of us. My salad looks tasty and I have a tentative first taste and it is delicious.

"And things will work out for the best, just remember that," he says as he picks up his fork. I look away from him, to my salad and I allow my mind to wander back to a time when I was far happier about things.

-v-

Something disturbs me from my less-than peaceful sleep and I sit up, rubbing my eyes. My Dad is fast asleep and snoring next to me, but that is not what disturbed me. I thought I heard someone shout. I strain my ears. It sounds as if there is a fight going on downstairs. I grab my hooded cloak, wrap it around myself and I quietly tiptoe out of the room, down the passage and to the balcony overlooking the bar area and I clap my hand over my mouth in horror. There are two Templars trying to restrain a man who is not much older than me. He has short dirty-blond hair and I also catch a brief glimpse of his face. He has a sharp nose and golden brown eyes. In short, he is quite attractive.

"Let me go, you bastards," he yells as he tries to fend them off, but there is a flash of white light and the man collapses to his knees.

"You dare smite me?" he yells.

"If you stop fighting us, we will go easy on you, Anders."

"What?" he scoffs as he struggles to his feet, "I find that difficult to believe, Cullen."

"You will be lucky to escape solitary confinement this time, Anders. This is, what, your fourth, fifth attempt at fleeing the _Circle_?"

"Mark my words, Cullen, I will escape one day and you will never find me again..." he says as he shrugs free of their grasp. He stalks towards the stairs and I move aside so that he can pass.

"Where do you think you are going?"

"To get my bag, you blithering idiot," he replies and I press my hand against my mouth to stifle my giggles, but a small squeak escapes and Anders looks up, startled. He looks around and then he steps closer to where I am and I step forward, out of the shadows because there is no point in hiding from him or the Templars.

"You...You alright?" I whisper, gesturing to the gash on above his eye.

"What? This?" he chuckles and before my very eyes, he presses his hand against his wound and blue wisps of energy emerge from his fingertips, "You see," he murmurs, removing his hand to show a perfectly healed wound.

"Are you a healer?" I whisper.

"Yes, but who are you and what are you doing here? You...You shouldn't be here. I know...I can feel..." he says softly, kindly and for the first time in weeks, a genuine smile crosses my face.

"Then you would do well to keep quiet," I murmur as I tighten my cloak around myself. I feel too exposed to the warmth radiating from his body.

"Hey, I will never tell them, but I am curious. What are you doing here?"

"What about them?" I ask deliberately ignoring his question.

"What? Them?" he laughs, gesturing to the two Templars who are patiently waiting for him to hurry up, yet they don't seem too concerned.

"What? Is this a game you play? Flee the _Circle_ only to get caught?" I snap.

"Well," he says, scuffing his boots on the wooden floor. "This would be my fifth attempt...They always catch me, but one day they will never find me again," he declares.

"Well that is unlikely considering you always get caught," I point out.

He shakes his head, "Wait... Let's back up a bit...What is your name and what are you doing out here?"

"Fine... I'm Marian...," I murmur.

"And I am Anders, from the _Circle_," he says, extending his hand towards mine and I reluctantly take it and the strangest feeling spreads through me. His grip is firm, yet gentle and I study his face. From so close, he is attractive. He has expressive golden brown eyes, a sharp nose and a square jaw and he is studying me with interest. He is about six feet tall. I probably come to his chest at my five foot height. As we study each other, a strange, yet pleasant feeling builds in the pit of my stomach and by his darkening eyes, he feels it to, and I hastily reclaim my hand.

"I need to go," I murmur, pushing past him, but he grabs my hand.

"Wait," he says softly as he pulls me towards him and I try to shrug him off, but his grip is too firm, too hot against my hand. He tugs me closer as he backs into an empty room, I assume is his.

"Let me go," I barely whisper, but he ignores me as he pulls me flush against him and before I realise it, he kisses me and I gasp and he takes full advantage as he slides his tongue into my mouth and to my chagrin, I whimper. My body is alive with sensation and I respond passionately as I thread my fingers through his hair that is silky between my fingertips, however he becomes too adventurous as he closes his hand over my breast and I shove him away.

"What do you think you are doing?" I ask, backing away from him.

"I...I don't know what just happened there," he replies.

"Do you normally kiss girls in this way, Anders?" I ask.

He sighs, running his fingers through his tousled hair, "No... This is the first time I've done something impulsive. I'm sorry if I offended you."

"It's, fine," I murmur, trying to keep my voice even and in control.

"I think you are attractive. There is something about you, Marian," he murmurs and a delicious tingle runs along my spine at the way he said my name.

"I...Thank you... I need to go otherwise my Dad is going to wonder where I am. It was nice meeting you..." I say and before he replies, I bolt down the passage and into the room I'm sharing with my Dad.

"Is everything alright, Mari?" he asks as I climb back into bed.

"I'm fine. I can't sleep," _and I have just been kissed by a man I don't know,_ but I don't mention that.

"I heard shouting..."

"That is because two Templars were arresting some man who has escaped the Circle on more than one occasion. Go back to sleep, Dad. I'm sure I will fall asleep...eventually."

I turn to my side and I close my eyes. There was something very appealing about Anders. It felt as if we connected for a brief moment. _Just stop it, Mari. You won't ever see him again and it saddens me, but what can I do about that?_ Absolutely nothing and I attempting pushing the memory of him and his kiss to the dark recesses of my mind, but that proves impossible. No man has ever kissed me in that way and I don't know what to think and I'm so confused. There is no possibility of sleep now.


	3. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 03

**Chapter Three**

I tighten my cloak around my shoulders and I push myself into the corner of my seat in the hopes I will disappear, but alas, we come to a jerky standstill and I peek out of the window. The _Imperial Highway_ stops short of the water's edge and by the few pillars submerged, it seems as if the road was deliberately destroyed and I frown. _Why destroy part of the main highway?_ Unless its to keep the mages in and strangers away from the _Circle_.

After grabbing my backpack, I follow my Dad out and while he pays and gives the driver a hearty thank you, I gaze up at the enormous tower that looks like a phallus. It's dead centre in the middle of the lake and it looks overbearing and intimidating. I glance around and I notice a couple if boats tied to posts along the water's edge. With no highway to take us, I assume we will travel across by boat and my stomach churns uncomfortably. I've never been on a boat before. I prefer dry land, but I don't have a choice. I wander to where my Dad is and he's busy with his bag.

"What now?" I ask, gesturing to the mini dock.

"We wait until someone is ready to take us across."

"More waiting?" I mutter.

"I am afraid so, however there's the inn, Mari."

"The _Spoiled Princess_? What name it that?"

"It's just a name, Mari and I wouldn't say that in front of the innkeeper."

"Fine... I am curious, that's all," I mutter.

"Mari, every inn or tavern across _Thedas_ has a story behind their names..."

"I...I know... I am sorry. I'm just upset and anxious about everything and what hurts the most is that I'm not going to see you, Mom and the twins for two years."

"Sweetie, I understand, I really do, but this is for the best. Now, let us go to the inn. I'll find out from him what time we can expect the boat from the _Circle_ and then we can talk. Come," he murmurs as he places his arm around my tiny waist and an image of Anders doing the same, comes unbidden, to my mind and it causes a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach. There was something in his eyes that touched a chord and I don't know what it was and I will more than likely never see him again and that leaves me feeling more than a little dissatisfied and unhappy.

"Do you think we will have to wait for hours?"

"I don't know, Mari. Let's go and find out. Perhaps we can have something to eat as well. I am sure you must be hungry."

"I am... Do you really think I will be happy in there?" I ask pointing to the tower in the middle of the lake.

"I was happy to a point, but I made the best of my situation. I spent hours in the library studying and where I was not studying, I was in the _Chantry_ for peace and quiet and then I would contemplate why things were the way they were and the sad thing is that it has not changed."

"You mean the way people treat us, Dad?"

"Yes. It's not right, but what can we do about that? Many mages have tried and failed to change things, but the Chantry refuses to listen to them. I can tell you now, sweetie, that things are going to change someday."

"But how many mages live free of the _Circle_? I mean look at us... We lead normal life... Well, we try to at least. What harm have we caused? Apart from me and irresponsible behavior. It's been a frustrating six months. I am so lonely and no-one wants to listen to me or even look past my gift of magic to get to know the person that is me."

"Aaron tried and you turned him down, Mari. He's very smitten with you and I guess that is why he kissed you."

"I don't feel that way about him, Dad. I thought I did, but when he kissed me, I didn't respond. There was no... I don't know, sparks of electricity, however, I was flustered but not to the extent of kissing him again. No... He's not for me, Dad."

"I would say you are a young to be thinking about this, but you have always been mature for your age, in comparison to the other youngsters."

"Except for my recent behavior that has been anything but mature... I'm just sorry it's come to this where you've been left with little option even though you have taught me everything you know."

"Mari, I'm not annoyed with you. I'm just very disappointed, but one can hardly blame you for what you've done and you needed an outlet, however you went about it the wrong way. No mage should blatantly show off their gift in front of others. You aren't achieving anything by doing that. All you are achieving is proving that they should be afraid and it makes them fear us even more and we, as mages, don't need to be feared to such an extent, but behaving irresponsibly does nothing except confirm how they are right as well as the _Chantry_."

"I know all that... I don't want to talk about it anymore. You've made your point. I've made a mess of things and now I have to take responsibility for my actions. Are we done? Because I'm ready to have something to eat and drink? And I am ready for peace and quiet..." I shrug free of his arm and I jog towards the Inn. I have had enough of his lectures as if I am not finding things difficult enough as it is. I burst into the Inn and I head straight to the bar. I sit down and order a cider. By the time my Dad joins me, I'm drinking my second cider.

"What would you like to drink, Ser?" asks the barkeeper.

"A cider... Do you know what time the Circle's boat will arrive at the Dock?"

"Mid-afternoon, Ser..." he replies.

"Thank you. Two hours, Mari. You can stay here or you can do as you wish."

"I think I'm going to eat something first, Dad, then I will probably go outdoors and have a look around."

"There's not much to see, lass," says the barkeeper as he places a tankard of cider in front of my Dad.

"It doesn't matter to me. I enjoy being outdoors and I guess I'm going to have to make the most of my time here," I murmur as I glance at my Dad. He doesn't say anything to me and as I turn away from him, I shrug my shoulders.

"Why are you here, Ser?" asks the barkeeper.

"Well, I'm going to the _Circle_ to visit an old friend and my daughter wanted to come with me and that is all you need to know about it," he replies.

"My apologies, Ser. It's just that I don't get many visitors. The only visitors I get are the Templars. In fact, two of them were here this morning with a young man," he explains and this gets my attention. Anders was here this morning. That means... And I smile.

"What did he look like? The young man?" I casually ask as I have another sip of my cider.

"He...Well, he must be two years older than you. He has dirty-blond hair and he was telling them off for smiting him again. He was also bragging about how he nearly slipped through their fingers..."

"Really?" I chuckle.

"Why? Do you know him?" he asks.

"No...I don't..." I hastily reply.

"Mmm... Well, they left about two hours ago to take him back to the _Circle_."

"Oh," I whisper and I don't look either of them again. At least I will see a familiar face when I get there. Sighing despondently, I stand and give myself a good stretch before excusing myself and I make my way outdoors. I wander to the dock and rocks and I find a flat rock to sit on so that I can look at the tower in the middle of the lake. It looks so isolated and there are jagged rocks around the base and I wonder where they dock their boats, but my thoughts keep returning to Anders and the brief vulnerability I saw in his eyes last night and the warmth of his hand as he shook mine...

-v-

I lean over the edge of the boat and I vomit out my lunch and cider. I sit back, wiping my mouth and I glance tearfully at my Dad who is watching me with concern in his eyes. He takes out a small bottle of transparent liquid that looks like tea, but it's actually a potion.

He hands it to me, "Here, drink this. It might help with the nausea."

I shakily remove the stopper and I have one mouthful and hope my churning stomach will settle down. He scoots over to me and he wraps his arms around my shoulder, "I guess this is not your ideal mode of transport."

"No. I would rather have my feet safely on the land, then be on this boat," I reply.

"Just be patient, Mari. We don't have much further to go until your feet are firmly on the land."

"That's if I have the strength to get off this boat," I whisper as I snuggle into the warmth of his arms.

"Carroll, how much longer?" he asks the Templar who is steering out boat ever closer to the slowly looming tower in front of us and I can't help but feel slightly intimidated by the sheer size of it and I shudder. I swallow the quickly forming lump in my throat and I feel an overwhelming urge to cry, but what is that going to achieve? I am here because of my stupidity and irresponsible behavior. I have only myself to blame and crying about it is not going to change a damn thing and there is really no point in dwelling on it either. Perhaps it is time for a change in my life. Perhaps it is time for me to find me feet without my parents keeping a constant eye on me. Perhaps spending the next two years is exactly what I need to put things into perspective and besides, I will be mingling with people of all ages who all have the gift of magic. _Isn't this what I want? To fit in? To be accepted? _

"Another thirty minutes, Ser... May I ask you a question?" he asks.

"You just have," replies my Dad and I chuckle.

"Of course... Well, let me rephrase. Is she a mage?"

"Yes," he replies.

"And you must be her father. You both have the same blue eyes," he states.

"I am her father and yes she is a mage, but I thought that was obvious when we climbed into your boat," he points.

"I know. It's just that no parent has ever willingly brought their child to the Circle, except for an _Amell_ child about nine years ago. If I recall, she was handed over to me. Her parents did not even say goodbye to the poor girl and she was absolutely distraught."

"She's my niece," murmurs my Dad.

"Really? I thought your daughter looked familiar, except she has cyan eyes. She's grown up into a beautiful young woman and she's quite popular with the younger apprentices... But, again, Ser, why are you bringing her to the Circle?"

"I don't see how that is any of your concern, Carroll..." he replies.

"Fair enough," he says as the boat comes to a jerky stop. He jumps out, ties the rope around the post and he extends his hand to me. I reluctantly take it and he guides me onto the land and I breathe a huge sigh of relief.

"Solid ground. Thank the Maker," I blurt out as I slowly walk a few steps to get used to feeling the land beneath my feet, but the ground feels as if it's moving and I quickly grab my Dad's hand.

"Easy, Mari..." he says as he wraps his arm around my waist, "We are nearly there... Have a look," he says pointing to the tower in front of me and I shrink into his side thoroughly intimidated by the massive phallus ten metres away from where I stand.

"Hey... Believe me, you will feel better once you are inside," he reassures me.

"Yes, with so many Templars watching me... Right," I scoff and he gives me a reproving glare and I swallow, "I'm sorry."

"I expect more from you, Mari," he says quietly.

"I know. I'm just anxious, I guess," I whisper.

"Believe me, you will feel better once you've met Irving, Greagoir and the Senior Mages."

"Well, I hope you are right. I guess there is only one way to find out," I murmur as I grab my backpack from Carroll. I sling it on my shoulders, give the tower another long look and I slowly walk up the pebbled path leading to the great wooden doors. It's time for me to resign myself my fate. By the time I reach the door, it is open and an elderly man steps out, following by another templar and I back track straight into my father's arms.

"Take it easy, sweetie," he whispers before releasing me and I nod. He steps in front of me, extending his hand to the elderly man who is in his fifties. He's very grey and he has grey eyes, but his face is kind and gentle.

"Malcolm Hawke... How long has it been, my boy?" he asks in a soft-spoken voice and I immediately warm to him. He exudes a sense of calm and it helps me to relax, however slightly, but I relax.

"Maker knows, Irving. You look well," says my Dad.

"Ah, it's because of the young people who keep me on my toes... I'm around if they need someone to talk to, unlike Greagoir, who in my opinion, takes things far too seriously for a man his age," he explains.

"Someone has to keep up discipline, Irving, otherwise we would have everyone running rampant and we certainly don't want that," he says sternly. This man is as grey as Irving and his eyes are a cold, ice blue and I realise this is someone I don't want to cross paths with because he looks too much like a disciplinarian.

"That is unlikely, consider we do what we can to make the youngsters feel at home, however there are those who try to escape if given the chance..." says Irving.

"Like our Anders?" asks Greagoir and this gets my attention. He is here somewhere and my heart gives an excited flutter.

"Who has escaped five times already, only to be recaptured? He certainly was amused yesterday when they brought him in."

"And you have always had a soft spot for the boy, Irving," says Greagoir.

"Greagoir, he is a good lad with a soft heart and he's well-loved by the young people...Sometimes I wonder if we shouldn't just let him go," he murmurs more to himself than Greagoir.

"What? Are you out of your mind, Irving? You know how dangerous mages are outside the control of the circle and letting him go would send the wrong message to every single mage under our care," he says quietly.

"Um...Excuse me... You two sound like old women," chuckles my Dad.

"Too many years of being in each other's pockets... We go back years, don't we, Greagoir?"

"Certainly, however enough small talk. Who might this young lady be?" he asks.

"She's my daughter, Marian," replies my Dad.

"She's the spitting image of you, Malcolm and I must say she bears an uncanny resemblance to Solona Amell," says Irving, "Where is she? I told her to meet me here."

"I can imagine..." says Greagoir, when a delighted giggle is heard coming from the passage to my left.

"They caught you again? I told you it was a stupid idea, Anders, but I can't be surprised because you never listen to me," And a woman with black hair, cyan blue-eyes and the tiniest waist I have ever seen, walks in with her arm around Anders' waist and my heart sinks. He looks from me to her, then back at me again and he grins warmly at me as he shrugs free of Solona. He reaches for my hand and gives it a gentle squeeze.

"Marian, right?" he asks softly. I don't miss the icy glare from my cousin who has just folded her arms across her chest.

"Yes..." I barely whisper. His touch is warm and gentle and I don't understand my reaction to him. My body is tingling. My hand more and a deep unfamiliar, yet pleasant sensations settles in the pit of my stomach. I felt the same way last night.

"I remember you," he says quietly, breaking into my train of thought, therefore forcing me to focus on him. He is not as handsome as Aaron, but he is attractive and his eyes are golden brown and sparkling with mischief. He is very fair in comparison to me, but then again I've spent many hours in the sun, but underneath my clothes, I am as fair as he is.

"You are difficult to forget," I murmur and he laughs softly as he pulls me that much closer to him and the heat radiating off him is enough for me to have a dip in a cool pond. The air between us is charged with something and the tingling sensation in my hand worsens and I look down. There are small balls of blue light emerging for his fingers and my mana is responding to it. It's seeping from my fingers and I gasp as I meet his gaze head on.

"Well, considering my botched escape attempt, I don't blame you," he laughs as he drops my hand and just like that whatever passed between us, disappears along with the warmth of his hand and he saunters back to my cousin who is nearly red in the face. She is obviously attracted to him and there goes my chance... _Stop it Marian. You are here to learn, not form a romantic relationship with anyone. What would be the point?_ And I can't ignore the sudden burning in my eyes watching her and Anders interact. _What chance do I have against someone who has known him far longer than me?_ _What's the bet that the two of them are romantically involved?_ I look away, quickly brushing an escaped lone tear.

"How long are you going to stay with us, Malcolm?" asks Irving and I glance in his direction.

"It's late, Irving. I think I will stay here for a couple of days just to make sure that my daughter settles properly," he replies and I sigh. He's completely oblivious to what transpired between Anders and I not two minutes ago. I walk away from them, to the doors, leading up the corridor and by the buzz of activity, I assume that is where the dormitories are and for the first time, I realise, I am going to share a room with Maker knows how many other mages and the thought displeases me. How am I going to adjust to that? I tentatively take another step in the direction of the activity and the distinct smell of lyrium wafts my way. My Dad showed my lyrium in its raw form. It's a strange blue metal, when crushed, can be used to augment a mage's power, but the downside of that is that it is highly addictive. The Templars drink lyrium to increase their magical resistance to us, but at the same time they become too dependent on it. I've never needed to use it before, but my Dad has especially when dealing with severe injuries and illnesses.

"What do you think about that, Mari?"

I turn around and walk back to where my Dad is standing, "Think about what?"

"I'll be staying here for a couple of days to make sure you settle into your new life," he replies.

"Really?"

"Yes. I don't want to go home until I know you are settled and reasonably happy," he replies.

"I rather like that idea," I murmur.

"I thought you would, now why don't you get settled?" he asks, motioning to Irving who is having a few words with Solona and Anders.

"I can't believe the similarity between you and Solona, Mari. I can't wait to tell your Mother," he murmurs.

"Well, I don't really care," I mutter as I look at my worn boots.

"Why? You don't know her... Unless you have your eyes set on Anders... I understand why you were interested to hear about him this morning."

"My eyes are not set on Anders, Dad. Can you not see he's not remotely interested in me and why should he be? We don't know the first thing... We don't know anything about each other and besides, he's far too preoccupied with Solona."

"Mari," he murmurs.

"What, Dad?" I blurt out and I turn around only to see Anders next to me with his hands shoved in his pockets.

"Um..." he murmurs, scuffing his boots, "Irving asked me to show you to the dorms," he murmurs as he briefly looks at me, then away and I don't understand why he seems offended. I glance quickly at my Dad, but he's speaking to Irving and Greagoir about something.

"Um... Sure...," I murmur, shifting my backpack onto my left shoulder.

"Let me carry that for you and you really look exhausted," he says softly as he gently takes the bag off my shoulder, but his fingers linger for a brief moment and I shiver, not from the cold, but from the warm, tingling sensation of his feather-light touch.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I didn't realise you were standing next to me and I guess you heard every word I said... I...I don't blame you if you hate me."

"I don't hate you. I'm merely curious about why you said that, because you are very attractive. Surely the boys back home fall at your feet," he chuckles and I relax.

"No. It's quite the opposite. They all...," I trail away, lowering my gaze to my boots once again.

"What, Marian?" he prompts.

"They hate me for what I am," I murmur over the sudden lump in my throat and to my chagrin, a single tear slides down my cheek.

"Hey," he murmurs, lifting my chin to look into my eyes, "There are no need for tears," he continues as he gently wipes it away and he smiles at me. One of those rare smiles that seem to reach the deep recesses of our hearts and before I realise it, I launch into his arms.

"That bad, huh?" he asks softly as he wraps his arms securely around me

"That bad," I murmur.

"You know it is not so bad here. There are Circles that are far worse out there. Here they are more lenient... How do you think I've managed to escape several times already," he murmurs for me alone and I start laughing, but I sober very quickly when I notice Solona's icy glare and I hastily pull out of his warm embrace.

"Hey," he murmurs, grabbing my hand.

"Let me go," I murmur.

"I...I don't understand..." he says softly.

"I'm not wanted, Anders. She doesn't want me near you," I explain loudly so that she can hear every word.

"Solona? Don't worry about her. She doesn't like to share her friends," he smirks at her as he deliberately laces his fingers with my own and she glares at him, but he does not flinch and I allow myself a small smile as he leads me to the door, leading into the corridor. I give my Dad a quick glance and he smiles at me. He's clearly pleased about something, but that is pushed to the back of my mind when we stop in front of a wooden door and by the activity, I realise that behind it are the dorms and I falter.

"I've never shared a room with anyone," I tell him.

"Unfortunately, apprentice mages such as yourself will have to share. Only once you have passed the _Harrowing Ritual_, successfully do you get your own private quarters. My room is on the second floor to the left," he explains and I want to smile.

"And why would I want to know that, Anders?" I ask.

"Just in case you need to talk or if you need help with your studies, then at least you know where my room is... Solona also sleeps in this dorm. She will be going through the _Harrowing Ritua_l in about six months time," he replies.

"Oh damn and I suppose I have to put up with _her _icy glares," I mutter as she sashays towards us giving me an icy glare as I speak and I clench my hand into a tight fist.

"Andy," she says sweetly as she deliberately tugs him away from me and I'm immediately saddened at the loss of his warmth. I move a respectful distance away from them.

"What do you want, Solona? Can't you see I'm busy?" he asks quietly as he tries, and fails to pry her hand loose from around his wrist.

"You know what I want, Anders. Remember that time in library?" she asks, smirking at me and I realise she said it for my benefit and I look away from them. The kiss we shared last night meant absolutely nothing and again there is a burning sensation behind my eyes. I don't understand why I reacted in the way that I did, but to me, his kiss felt more than just a kiss. I got a sense of real need behind it, but it clearly meant nothing to him and I don't believe the explanation he gave to me. It's clear as day to me that they have a thing going. I don't even want to look at them, but I turn around anyway and I drop my gaze to my worn out boots and I swallow the fast-forming lump in my throat. I straighten my shoulders, and go towards them.

"Can I have my bag back?" I ask quietly, deliberately avoiding his questioning gaze.

"But, I thought," he says softly.

"Thought what?" I ask

"I was going to show you around, Marian," he explains.

"Well, I don't need you to do that, do I considering you are...preoccupied," I murmur as I finally look at him, and I am surprised by the sadness in his eyes.

"That's right. He is preoccupied. Now if you will excuse us, we have studying to do," says Solona and I glare at her.

"Solona, this is not the way to treat your cousin and your attitude is disgraceful. She is your cousin and she deserves better. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to show Marian around and I don't want you around, alright?"

"But, Andy," she whines.

"Solona, please? I won't ask again," he says firmly as he places a warm hand on the small of my back, and again there's the charge between us.

"Fine..." she mutters and she stalks off mumbling about the unfairness of it all and I want to laugh. It gets stuck in my throat because he is gazing intently at me as if he is trying to figure me out.

"Andy, huh?" I ask, breaking the silence between us and he shakes his head.

"Most people call me that... Mmm, your Dad called your Mari. Do you like that?" he asks as he opens the door leading into the dorms.

"Like you, most people call me that... So, is there anything going on between you and Solona?" I ask.

"She likes to think so. I don't think so. She's okay, I guess, but she's jealous and clingy and she has been since I joined the Circle when I was twelve," he says quietly and the sadness in his voice does not go by unnoticed by me and I quickly glance at him. There is a certain vulnerability in his eyes I've never seen before and I wonder what he is thinking about.

"You still haven't answered my question about why you are here," he says as he takes me through the dorm. There are ten double bunks and most are currently occupied by the apprentices studying or chatting among themselves. They don't take much notice of me and I don't mind, considering my circumstances, I would rather not be noticed.


	4. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 04

**Chapter Four**

"Do you really want to know why I am here, Anders? Why my Father thinks this is the best thing for me?" I ask as we wind our way through the beds and apprentices. Some notice me. Others don't seem to care and that is fine by me.

"I am curious, Marian. No Father or Mother willingly brings their child to the _Circle_… Well, excluding Solona," he replies.

"Yes, I know all about what her parents did, Anders. They didn't even bring her here. They packed her bag and placed her in the care of some carriage driver and that is how she arrived here. The Amells don't think highly about mages. They feel it is a stain on the family name and to make matters worse, they are nobility, so yes, you can imagine the scandal it would have caused… And I feel it is wrong. As if we are to blame for our gift of magic."

He grins at me, "True, but you still haven't answered my question. Why are you here, Marian?"

"Because I messed up, Anders. I caused a fire in a field not far from our family home in _Lothering_ about two weeks ago," I blurt out before losing my nerve and absolute silence falls around me. I dare not look at him or anyone else.

"Really?" he asks, amusement apparent in his voice and I meet his intense gaze head on. His eyes are sparkling with admiration and I smile.

"Yes, really. I caused a fire, showing off in front of the villagers. Most of them were children and teenagers. The fire went out of control and I had to use a huge amount of mana to bring it back under control before it spread further into the field. Needless to say, I was not thanked. Instead a group of boys pelted me with stones and told me I was cursed. That I was a demon and that the only place for someone like me, was the _Circle_."

"And you let them get the better of you, didn't you? Why? Marian? What do they know? Everyone in _Thedas_ is under the impression we are dangerous, when that is furthest from the truth. They have been fed countless lies and stories and most of them are just that, lies and stories. I refuse to believe every mage out there is dangerous…" he says softly and I don't miss the passion in his eyes. This is something that is very close to his heart.

"What about blood mages, Anders? I've heard stories about them. About how they summon demons to enhance their magic. I've heard of demonic rituals… Do they really cut themselves?"

"That is the common theory, Marian…" he replies as he deposits my bag onto the only vacant bed.

I move my bag further onto the bed and I sit down, "But why would someone do that? I've never understood it, Anders. My Dad doesn't say much about it…" I ask as I look up into his earnest and highly intelligent face.

"Perhaps it is because he feels it's a risky topic to discuss with you… Blood magic is dangerous and I would advise against attempting it," he says as he sits next to me.

"I would like to learn more about so that I can understand it better," I inform him as I start unpacking my bag.

"Why?" he asks.

"It's always fascinated me…" I reply and he places a firm hand on my wrist.

"Marian, it's treading dangerous waters if you want to study the subject. There are books and tomes in the _Great Library_, but please," he trails off.

"Hey, I have no intention of becoming a blood mage, Anders. The topic has always fascinated me and in order for me to understand it better, I need to learn more about it."

"Mmm, fair point well made. Okay, I will show you where they are, but can we do that later?" he asks.

"Whenever, I don't mind, unless you have something else in mind," I murmur, warily lifting my hand to his cheek and his eyes darken considerably and I am drawn to his golden-brown eyes. They are so warm and inviting and they seem to penetrate my soul.

"Marian," he says softly, gently removing my hand from his cheek and placing it on his thigh where he laces his fingers with my own.

"Call me, Mari," I whisper, studying our joined hands. He is as fair as I am, except I am lightly tanned from the amount of time I have spent roaming the fields around my home with my siblings.

"Mari… It's a pretty name," he says softly as he lifts his hand to gently tuck a lose strand of hair behind my ear, "Would you mind telling me more about yourself?" he asks and just like that, our moment or whatever it is is gone and in its place, my heart won't stop racing.

I withdraw my hand and move myself away from him, until I feel the headboard pressing against my back, "What do you want to know?" I ask, not missing the frown on his face.

"Well, first of all, what is your favourite school of magic? Is there anything you specialise in?" he asks, quickly recovering himself.

I roll my eyes, "How can any form of magic be my favourite, Anders?"

"I enjoy the _Primal School of Magic_, Mari. I enjoy lightening bolts. You should see how powerful the _Tempest_ spell is. Perhaps I will show you one day," he chuckles.

"Mmm… I guess I prefer the _Elemental School of Magic_. Fire and Ice is my forte," I chuckle, "My Dad is good with fire and I guess I inherited that from him as well as his gift of healing," I continue and his face lights up completely

"You can heal?" he asks.

"Yes and I am apparently very good at healing others. I have helped my Dad many times with difficult cases, such as a difficult birth where there is a small chance of either the Mom or baby surviving or when someone has a severe broken arm or leg. My Dad and I work extremely well together and we have pulled many people from the inches of death by combining our skills. In short we are well-loved by the villagers for our healing talents. Him more so than me. Why are you so interested?" I ask.

"I can heal to, Mari. I am the best they have, next to Wynne in the _Circle_. I have spent hours training with her and learning everything I can about healing… From reading great big books and tomes. I think you should meet her, however I must warn that she is a stern woman who takes no nonsense from anyone, including me," he chuckles.

"Mmm… Maybe… Maybe it won't be so bad being here after all… The main reason about why I am here for two years is because my Dad feels I need to learn to appreciate my gift of magic… He has a motto. It goes like this: _Magic must serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base. _I hope to learn the meaning behind that… I don't really understand what it means though."

"Hey, I am sure you will figure it out, however, I would like to show you around what is going to be your home for the next two years," and he frowns, "Why two years?"

"My Dad and Irving go way back, Anders. My Dad was an apprentice here before they transferred him to _Kirkwall_ when they required someone with great healing ability. In fact, he told me that Irving was his mentor."

"Really? I've know him since I was twelve… He was and still is like a father to me," he trails off and again, there is vulnerability in his eyes and I don't understand why. _What happened to him? What were his circumstances when he first joined the Circle?_ I am about to ask him, when Solona ducks her head beneath the bunk-bed.

"My, you look rather cosy," she mutters and when she sees our joined hands, her face turns red and her eyes smolder with hidden fire and she glares at him.

"What's this, Andy? Quick to move onto someone else, are you?" she bites out, but he doesn't flinch. In fact he is mildly amused by her reaction.

"You know your jealousy is getting tiresome. Since when am I not allowed to make other friends, Solona?" he asks, "And besides wasn't it about a week ago, I saw you walking around the courtyard with Cullen?"

She blushes, "We… There is…" she trails off.

"Don't lie to me, Solona. How often have you spoken about him? Even when we spend time together and you don't see me go all jealous on you."

_Spend time together? _I look from one to the other. It is clear she is attracted to Anders and I realise I am no match for her and I snatch my hand away from his warm one.

"If this is a _lover's quarrel_, then take it somewhere else. I need to pack my things away and I will find my way around the Circle, Anders," I mutter, standing up and moving a discreet distance away from them and I don't miss the triumphant gleam in Solona's cyan blue-eyes.

"No… Wait… Marian… Solona, just bug off will you? For the Maker' sake, it is her first day here and you are ruining everything. Just go and bug someone else, alright? And besides, it was you who told me how important it is to make young apprentices feel welcome especially knowing that most of them will never see their parents again or have you conveniently forgotten that? Have you forgotten the circumstances under which you were brought here?" he asks, folding his arms across his chest. I would smile, but the sadness and pain in my cousin's eyes is too much. I make a move towards her and I reach for her hands.

"We are cousins, Solona… My Mom told me about you and how you came to be at the Circle. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt… And please can we not try to friends or civil at least?" I ask softly as I look into the older girl's eyes and my heart beats painfully upon seeing the pain and deep, deep sadness in them.

"No… Get away from me, Marian. You know nothing about me… Just stay away from me and Anders," she bites out as she roughly pushes me away from her.

"Are you coming with me, Anders?" she asks.

"No… I don't like the way you are treating her and I will be damned if I am going to allow it to continue… Now apologise, Solona. Do you really think she deserved that?" he asks as he places his hand on the small of my back, "She is only trying to be friendly or is that asking too much?"

"Fine, I get the message, Anders…" she snaps, first glaring at me and then at him and then there is a collective gasp from our small audience as a woman with silver-grey hair comes towards us with a disapproving look on her face and I instinctively recoil away from her. She commands respect that much is clear and I don't know where to look, so I settle for looking at the wooden floor.

"What is going on her, Anders? Solona?" she asks and I am very surprised by how softly-spoken she is. It is in stark contrast to her commanding presence and I look at her. Her eyes are light grey with blue flecks in them. They are unlike any eyes I have ever seen and they are beautiful. She has a heart-shaped face with laugh lines around her mouth and despite her commanding presence, I relax and extend my hand towards her.

"Ah, you must be Marian Hawke… I knew your father when he was here. In fact we were very good friends," she says softly, "I am Wynne, by the way," she says as an afterthought.

"Oh… Anders mentioned you a while ago," I murmur, shaking her hand.

"Did he, now? He is my protégé," she chuckles.

"No, I am not, Wynne. I give you more trouble than I am worth," he chuckles and I don't miss the fondness in his eyes as he smiles at her.

"True, but you are an excellent healer, nevertheless, but, what is going on here?" she asks, first looking at me, then our joined hands and then she looks at Solona who is staring resolutely at something she can only see.

"Nothing I can't handle, Wynne," he replies.

"Mmm… Really?" she asks pointing to our hands, "You know our laws, Anders."

"What about them, Wynne? We are people just like everyone else and we are entitled to the same treatment as everyone else. Just because we are mages doesn't mean we can't have friends, or show physical affection," he explains.

"Physical affection? Hardly," scoffs Solona.

"Here we go again… I need some air… Come with me, Mari. I can show you the rest of the Circle and the _Great Library_. Do you read?" he asks as we stroll away from them leaving Wynne to speak to my cousin.

"All the time. We have an extensive, however small, library at home. Books my parents have collected over the years," I reply.

"Excellent, then I am sure you will find the _Great Library_ to your pleasing," he says, no doubt pleased with himself and I glance at him.

"I take it you read a lot?" I ask.

"I love books, Mari. I always have. I have spent hours in the library. They have so many books on the Circle's history. The history of the Chantry. There are even books about the blights, _Ferelden_ has had to overcome in the past."

"Blight? What's that?" I ask, genuinely interested in what he has to say.

"_Darkspawn_, Mari. Have you heard about _Darkspawn_?" he asks.

"Mmm… I think I have. My Mom told me about _Garahel_, the Dalish elf and member of our family who defeated the First Archdemon," I reply.

"Well," he scoffs, "Most people feel mages are to blame for that to. Personally I think it is a load of nonsense."

"So, tell me about Wynne," I suggest, eager to move the subject away from mages and darkspawn.

"The first thing you should know is that she will more than likely mentor you, which means you and I will more than likely have several classes with her. Healer Mages are rare, Marian. Here they take extra care in honing our skills to be the best we can be," he explains and I want to do a little dance simply because that means we are going to spend a lot of time together.

"What about Solona?" I ask.

"Solona? She is more of a fire and ice mage. She's good and when I say she is good, I mean it. She might give you a run for your sovereigns, Mari… Now that would be something to see if you two duel out in the courtyard… As a demonstration to the other mages, of course," he chuckles.

"They allow that, Anders?" I ask, coming to a standstill and not quite believing what I have just heard.

"Of course they do. Here, mages train and hone their skills under the ever watchful eye of the _Templar Order_. You see those men over there?" he points towards the door leading to the main entrance and I look around. There are several Templars all over the place.

"They keep an eye on us, Anders?" I ask, shivering slightly about this realisation.

"Twenty-four hours a day, Mari. They do rounds at night as well to make sure that no-one misbehaves. Why do you think I want to leave this place? I hate feeling trapped, Marian. Yes, they are lenient here, in comparison to the other Circles, but that doesn't assuage my feelings of a trapped or caged bird. I want to be out there, helping others and fighting for what I believe in and another thing is that I hate the Templars," he informs me.

"Really? I find that difficult to believe considering the way you and Cullen were joking around last night at the _Redcliffe Inn_," I chuckle.

"Well… I suppose he is okay… for a Templar," he says quietly.

"Whatever, Anders. I would say the two of you are good friends," I point out as a Templar comes towards us.

"Ah, speak of the devil and he shall appear," he chuckles.

"Is that? Yes, I recognise him from last night," I comment as Cullen stops a few feet in front of us. He eyes me up and down and then he smiles.

"You must be Marian Hawke. I have just spoken to Solona. She seems upset with you, Anders…" he says quietly and I step back to take in his height. He must be six foot tall. He has light brown hair and light brown eyes. He is very attractive in comparison to Anders. I assume by his heavy armour bearing a sword with flames that he must have well-developed muscles to wear it.

"I am Marian, and you are?" I ask, taking his proffered hand.

"Cullen…," he replies.

"And why should this be of concern to you?" he asks.

"I happen to care for her, Anders. And I don't like to see her upset. What did you do or say? Or is it what you didn't do?" he asks, releasing my hand.

"We are friends, Cullen, however is under the misconception we are more than friends and the more I tell her otherwise, the clingier she becomes and besides, who else is going to show Marian around? She doesn't want to do it…" he replies.

"Try convincing her otherwise… Just don't push her aside, Anders," he says softly.

"Cullen, I am not pushing her aside," he sighs, "I just don't want her to make Marian's adjustment to Circle life difficult. Talk to her. She seems to listen to you and besides that, I am sure she would welcome your company. Now if you will excuse me, I would like to show her the library," he says.

"As you wish, Anders. It was nice meeting you, Marian. I hope you will be happy here. We try to keep everyone happy, but even that, at times, proves difficult and I will speak to Solona to find out what is bothering her, however I don't think she will be willing to say too much to me. Have a good afternoon," he says, saluting us and then he marches past us and disappears through a door.

"Where does that lead?" I ask.

"Oh… Those stairs lead to the second floor and senior mage dormitories. Irving's quarters are also on the second floor. The third floor is home to the Templar quarters as well as the _Chantry_ and finally, the fourth floor is home to the _Harrowing Chamber_," he replies.

"What's in the _Harrowing Chamber_, Anders?" I ask.

"Um… When apprentice mages such as yourself are competent enough, you undertake the _Harrowing Ritual_ which determines your vulnerability to demon possession. If you are not successful, you have to undergo the _Rite of Tranquility_ or you are executed… by the Templar residing over your Harrowing," he says quietly and I stare up into his face. He is being deadly serious and for the first time since I arrived, a real sense of unease settles over me. _What have I got myself into?_

"Is that what is going to happen to me should I fail?" I ask quietly, breaking our gaze to look at my hands

"You won't fail, Marian. It takes months before they decide when you are ready and if you really feel vulnerable to demon possession, it is your right to request the _Rite of Tranquility_, however I wouldn't recommend that because it severs your connection to the _Fade _along with your feelings and emotions. We have several tranquil mages here at the _Circle_. They are highly efficient at whatever task they are given, but they have absolutely no feelings whatsoever. They even speak monotonously. It's quite annoying, really," he explains.

"How do you know? How do I know if I am vulnerable to demon possession, Anders? Where's my guarantee about that?" I ask.

"Well, when you dream, what do you see and feel? Do you feel vulnerable while dreaming?" he asks.

"No, I don't dream that much, Anders. Well not that I am aware of. I don't get a sense of an evil presence if that is what you mean," I reply.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Trust me," he chuckles.

"Really? I don't know you well enough to trust you," I chuckle.

"Is that so? You trusted me enough to respond to my kiss last night," he points out and heat floods my cheeks and for once I don't know where to look or what to say. I just want to find a hole and bury myself in it.

"And you have a thing with Solona, Anders. It's best to forget it ever happened," I murmur.

"Really? Would you like to remember?" he asks.

"We… Not here," I whisper.

"True… It's not the ideal place, however I do know of another place. If you will follow me," he says, grabbing my hand.

"Do I even have a choice in the matter?" I ask. I don't know what to feel. My body is trembling in anticipation and my heart is racing madly and my head feels ready to explode. I have no idea how I am going to react when we reach his destination.


	5. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 05

**Chapter Five**

I can't stop laughing as he throws open a door and we step into a very neat bedroom. There is a single bed under the window. A desk next to the bed and a wardrobe and bookshelf behind the door. On the bookshelf there are vials of what appears to be various healing potions, _Elfroot_ being one of them. I recognise the golden brown liquid having made many vials for my Dad and family. The bookshelf is overflowing with rolls of parchment, feathered pens, inkwells and various tomes, most of which relate to healing in just about every form.

"Is this your room?" I ask spinning in a slow circle to take in the airiness and general spaciousness of it. I come to a stop, facing his bed and on the bed, by the headboard is a beautifully embroidered pillow. I pick it up and turn it around several times before he gently takes it from me.

"Um… My Mother made this for me, shortly before I came to the _Circle_. It's the only thing the Templars allowed me to keep apart from clothes and various other things," he explains as he places it back on the bed before sitting down.

"It's really beautiful, Anders. I don't think I have ever seen something so intricately embroidered in my life. And the colours – red and gold – it's magnificent. She must have spent hours on it," I murmur, accepting his unspoken invitation to sit next to him.

"Thank you. It's the only thing that kept me calm during my first month or so of being here, but I am sure you don't want to hear my story and besides, I don't want to talk about it. It's just too painful. It's something I can't forget and the person I hate the most is my Father for allowing the Templars to take me away from my Mom," he explains.

I reach for his hand, "You don't have to tell me now, Anders… Isn't there another reason for you bringing me here to your private quarters? Something I am sure is not allowed," I point out.

"I don't care much for the rules, Marian, because they are wrong and completely unfair. No relationships with other mages. No relationships with _Chantry_ priestesses. As if we aren't human. As if we don't have feelings. As if our existence is a sin in the eyes of the Maker," he scoffs.

"Then why stay, Anders? Why stay if you hate it so much? Why not run?" I ask, removing my hand from his so that I can stand.

"I have tried that. Five times already, Marian, and they catch me every time. Maker only knows how they know I have fled the _Circle_. It is not as if I go around informing anyone of my intentions," he mutters.

"Okay… Back up, Anders. I am not going to split on you either way," I chuckle as I reach for his hands and pull him to his feet, "And besides you wanted me here for one reason-" I trail off because he cups my face and plants a soft kiss on my forehead. He pulls back and gently massages my cheeks while he gazes or searches for something in my eyes and I can't prevent the mad tingling sensation of his fingers on my hot skin and it seems to send a strong message somewhere in my lower body and the strangest sensation spreads throughout me.

"Anders," I whisper hoarsely, trying and failing to bring myself under control. There is something passionate in his golden-brown eyes and he starts trembling with the effort of trying to keep himself under control. _From what? What does he feel?_ And the longer we stare at each other, the more intense the air between us becomes. _Just kiss me._

"Mari," he murmurs and I don't hold back. I can't hold back and I capture his mouth in a deeply passionate kiss. He shoots his arms around me and backs me up against the wall as he devours my mouth and I open for him. I whimper when he darts his tongue into my mouth and begins his exploration and I thread my fingers through his hair that is so soft and silky between my fingertips and he presses himself into me and I whimper feeling the extent of his arousal against the soft flesh of my stomach and warmth spreads from deep within me, radiating outwards. I don't know what is going on and I don't care as long as he keeps on kissing me, however that is short-lived when he curls his hands around my buttocks. My eyes fly open and I twist away from him. This is too intense. Too overwhelming and it scares the hell out of me.

"Please stop," I murmur, bracing my hands against his chest and I push him with all my strength. He flies backwards and lands on his bed with a muffled _oomph_ and I run for the door.

"Wait… Don't go… Let me explain, Marian? Please?" he asks softly, sadly and against my better judgment, I turn towards him. His expression is downcast and sad and I don't understand why.

"What is there to explain, Anders?" I ask quietly, unsure of whether I should stay or go. On the one hand the responsible thing would be to walk out, but on the other hand, I like him. There is something about him that tugs at my heartstrings and I find myself unwillingly drawn to him and I sit next to him.

"Sorry about that. I didn't realise I was that strong," I chuckle in an effort to lighten the dark mood surrounding us.

"This is unlike me, Mari. I don't normally do things like this. I prefer the friendship route before engaging in a romantic relationship with anyone, but that doesn't seem to apply now. There is something about you that makes my mana sing and my heart feel lighter somehow. As if the sun is finally shining on my miserable life," he says softy and I start laughing.

"A poet?" I chuckle.

He smiles, "Not quite… I…I am sorry if I scared you. I didn't expect things to get so out of control."

"Clearly," I chuckle, reaching for his hand, "I forgive you, however I don't think we should do this again. It's for the best, but I am not against the friendship thing either."

"Well, that's a good place to start and then there's Solona," he trails off when there is a soft knock on the door and I hastily stand and move to the desk. He frowns when he opens the door and I realise why as soon as I hear my cousin's voice.

"Are you alone, Anders?" she asks.

"Um… Not exactly," he replies.

"What do you mean by that?" she asks as he widens the door enough for her to come in and I brace myself just in case she has a go at me. She sashays in as if she owns the room and when she notices me sitting by the desk, she glares at me.

"What is _she_ doing here, Anders? And why in the Maker's name does your hair normally neat hair look so untidy? And why are your cheeks red, Marian?" she snarls.

"Look," I yell as I stand, "I don't have time for pettiness. I am going leave you two to sort out whatever you think is between you…" And I head for the door.

"Mari," he implores.

"I told you it was a bad idea, Anders. I am not going to get involved with something I can't get out of, alright? I am not here to make friends. I am here to learn and this pettiness between you two… Just leave me out and don't seek me out, alright?" I don't give him a chance to say anything and I walk out.

"Thanks for that, Solona. Your jealousy is very unbecoming. And she is your cousin, for the Maker's sake," he all but yells at her.

"Don't shout at me," she yells and the last thing I hear is the slamming shut of his bedroom door as I run towards the stairs leading back to the _First Floor_.

"Hey… Marian," calls Cullen and I turn around to see him jogging towards me, "You are going the wrong way. That goes up to the _Third Floor_. Where would you like -" he trails off, "What happened?"

"It's nothing. My first day here and I have messed up. I just want to go home, Cullen. I don't want to be here. No-one wants me here, not even my cousin," and to my chagrin I burst into tears. Between Anders' kiss and my arrival, it's just too much to cope with and I sink to the floor.

"I want to go home. I want to go home," I sob as he kneels in front of me.

"Hey," he says softly, lifting my tear-stained face to meet his concerned eyes, "Here," he says softly as he gently wipes my tears away with his handkerchief.

"You know what?" he asks as he sits opposite me and I giggle.

"Isn't it uncomfortable wearing that all day?" I ask, pointing to his armour.

He smiles, "For the most part, yes, but we also have light armour made from leather, but in the evenings we wear a pair of black trousers and white shirts bearing the emblem of the Templars – the flaming sword."

"So you don't traipse around in that all day?" I chuckle.

"No, definitely not. In fact I was on my way to the third floor when I saw you running out of Anders' quarters. Would you mind telling me what happened?"

"It's not important, Cullen. It's just that Solona doesn't want me near him at all and I don't understand why. It's not as if there's something between them apart from friendship."

"Really? Is that what he told you? From what I hear, they have been seen together on more than occasion stealing moments whenever they can. Don't be taken in by him, Marian. He may be a good man, but he is also full of nonsense and prone to fleeing the _Circle_," he chuckles, but I don't see the humour in that because he doesn't realise the impact of his words on my already-shattered and deflated pride and dignity and I find I can't look at him, instead I am fixated on the flaming sword on his chestpiece.

"Hey, it's not the end of the world," he says softly as he lifts my chin, "Now I believe he was going to take you to the _Great Library_?"

"Yes," I reply softly over the lump in my throat.

"I can show you… Come with me," he says softly and I get to my feet. I reach for his hands and I attempt pulling him up, but he is too heavy and I start laughing as I try again, but this time I lose my footing and I end up stumbling on top of him, much to his amusement and he cups my face, "You really are beautiful, you know that? I see why Anders is interested… He doesn't give up easily," he chuckles.

"Now what are we going to do, because I certainly can't pull you to your feet," I chuckle, scrambling off him.

"I don't know. Try again," he chuckles. I grab his hands and hold them tightly as I heave him to his feet. By the time he stands, I am out of breath and my arms are sore, but that doesn't stop from sharing a good laugh from him.

"And she moves onto someone else. What are you?" says Solona as she stops in front of us holding tightly to Anders' hand and I find I can't meet either of their gazes, especially Anders because even from this distance, I feel the charge between and a warm flush spreads from my face to some place deep within me.

"Solona, why don't you back off?" asks Cullen as he deliberately slips his arm around my waist, "You don't want to look after her, Solona, and you, Anders, have done a poor job of making her feel welcome, therefore I will show her around… And, Anders, stay away from her. You have done enough damage along with Solona. Now if you will excuse us, I am going to show our new apprentice the _Great Library_," he says quietly, firmly and with that he steers me past them.

"Mari," murmurs Anders as he reaches for my hand, but I quickly shove it into my pocket and when I look at him, the pain is clear in his eyes and again it tugs at my heartstrings. I also don't miss Solona's triumphant smirk and I turn away from them.

"Well," says Cullen once we are safely out of earshot, "I would say that Anders _is_ interested in you, Marian. I have never seen him look so utterly defeated before…"

"I don't care. I am not here to make friends, Cullen. I am here to learn the value and to appreciate my gift of magic," I inform him.

"I wish some of the other apprentices thought like you. Things would be so much better if every mage in this _Circle_ learned the value of their gift of magic. It would allay many fears, but one finds that there will always be someone who spoils that for everyone else and I think that is what mages find difficult to accept, but I am not going to bore you with the details, because," he says as we stand in front of a huge door, "The _Great Library_ awaits," he announces.

"I can't-" I trail off when a bell is heard in the distance.

"Dammit… That's the supper bell. I guess you don't know where the _Grand Diningroom_ is either, huh?" he asks as we turn away from the doors leading into the library.

"No, we didn't get that far, Cullen. Do we all eat together or there separate diningrooms for everyone?" I ask.

"Each floor has a small diningroom for those who would rather eat alone, but most of us eat in the _Grand Diningroom_. It is the only way we all mingle with each other. It's good for the mages to mingle with the others. It keeps their spirits up and of course we are ever-present," he chuckles.

"Clearly," I mutter, when I notice the group of Templars sitting a table in the centre of the diningroom and there is also another table where Irving and several other mentors are seating themselves among them my Dad who waves at me.

"Well, this is where you will sit," he informs me as we stop in front of table with two mages I have not yet met.

"Oh… Okay," I murmur.

"I would sit with you if I could, but I can't and I am really sorry Anders and Solona couldn't be more welcoming… After supper, I will meet you by the doors so that I can take you to the library…" he says softly, placing a warm hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you, Cullen. I appreciate this," I whisper.

"Any time, Marian. Enjoy your meal," he says as he takes his leave. I turn towards the two mages sitting opposite me. Both of them are looking at me with interest.

"Hi, my name is Jowan and you are?" he asks.

"Marian Hawke," I reply.

"You are new around here, aren't you and you bear an uncanny resemblance to Solona Amell," he says quietly and I roll my eyes.

"Another one of my cousin's friends? What? Does she only have boy-friends?" I snap.

"She's your cousin? Really?" he asks.

"Look, it's best if you just rather not say anything to me, Jowan. She doesn't like me chatting to any of the boys she is friends with and today has not been a good day for me at all and I just want to go home."

"That's unlikely to happen at all, Marian," he points out.

"Really? I am here for two years, Jowan. Two long years and I already hate it and that is after one day. How the hell do you think I am going to feel by the time I leave this Maker-forsaken place? Where I was told I would make friends, be with mages like myself?" And I furiously rub my burning eyes. I am going to cry. I don't want to be here at all. It's just not fair. _Why didn't I heed my Dad's advice?_ I walk away from Jowan and his friend and I make my way towards my Dad who is coming towards me and I launch myself into his arms.

"Dad, please, I don't want to be here. Take me home, please?" I sob into his chest and he strokes my hair.

"Mari?" he asks, holding me at arm's length.

"I hate it here, Dad. No-one is willing to give me a chance and Solona is being such a bitch," I blurt out, completely forgetting about Irving and everyone else, "And Anders is a right royal arse," I continue.

"Mari? What happened between you two? You seemed quite happy to go with him earlier today. What has changed since then?" he asks softly as he guides me his seat.

"She doesn't-," I trail off when I notice Anders striding towards us, looking extremely upset about something. When he catches my eye, he jogs the rest of the way and he immediately reaches for my hand.

"May I speak with you, please?" he asks.

"Why?" I ask, trying and failing to reclaim my hand.

"Please, Marian? I really need to speak to you… Just a minute? Malcolm?" he implores.

"I don't know what is going on, Anders, but whatever it is, I want her smiling again. I can't leave her if she is already unhappy," he says quietly, firmly.

"Don't worry. I will chat to her. Mari? Please?" he asks softly as he gently laces his fingers with my own and his warmth radiates up my arm, into my chest and straight to the pit of my stomach.

"I mustn't worry, Anders? She is my daughter and do you honestly think I want to leave her here? It's breaking my heart to do so and you better make amends, you hear? She's a sensitive soul. A lonely soul and now she needs a friend and I entrust you to make sure she is at least smiling when she comes back to eat her supper… Sweetie, go with him," he says softly, gently nudging me towards him and Anders tugs me away and leads me out of the diningroom and straight into the library, but he doesn't give me a chance to look around because he leads me to a quiet, concealed corner desk and before I can ask him what he wants, he kisses me and I melt into him as he slowly, tentatively explores my mouth. His tongue is warm and moist and he has a distinct, yet pleasing taste. It reminds me of green grass and pine trees. In short, it reminds me of home and I curl my hands around the nape of his neck, deepening our kiss further and after what seems like eternity, he gently breaks off our kiss and releases me, leaving me bereft and cold without his warmth.

"Okay, Mari… Now that we have established that, I would like you to know that _we _did have a thing going a couple of months ago, however I ended it because I found her too clingy. Too possessive. She wouldn't allow me to chat or mingle with the other apprentices at all especially the girls and I ended it because of that. It was no loss really because she is attracted to Cullen. Why she thinks she has some claim on me, Maker only knows, but I have spoken to her. I have told that if she so much as says one unkind thing to you, our friendship ends. I don't hold with people who go out of their way to be unkind, Mari. It's wrong and against the will of the Maker, but most off all, I felt something unfamiliar when I saw you with Cullen. It angered me… Maker only knows why, but it did…"

I fold my arms across my chest, "And your point is?"

"May we start again?" he asks softly as he closes the distance between us.

"Have you really ended things with her, Anders? Or are you softening me up only to hit me where it hurts the most?" I ask.

"No, of course not. There is nothing between us. We are good friends for the most part and… Marian, please give me another chance? And I will try not mess it up again… On my honour. On my Mother's pillow," he chuckles and I laugh because I can't resist his boyish charm.

"Oh, alright, Anders," I reply and the delight on his face is infectious and before I realise it he has wrapped his arms around me.

"Excellent… Where do we start?" he asks.

"The library," I reply and he chuckles as he releases me.

"What about supper? Your father," he trails off.

"Supper first then," I reply and he grins at me as we link hands. We walk back into the diningroom like that and we head for my Dad's table.

"Dad… We are going to have supper together. I hope you don't mind?" I inform him, interrupting his conversation with Irving.

"Feel better?" he asks.

"I do," I reply.

"Excellent. Go on. Eat your supper, Mari. I am sure you want an early night tonight. It's been a long day," he says quietly.

"You don't mind?" I ask.

"No. You want to have supper with him and I am not going to stop you. Go on, Mari and Anders, thank you. I don't know what you said to her, but she definitely looks happier," he states.

"Anders, let's go. I am starving," I say before he says anything and I lead him back to the table I was sharing with Jowan and his friend, except it is empty and I am relieved. At least we can eat in peace.


	6. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 06

**Chapter Six**

Anders and I hastily make our way to the _Great Library_ for our first lesson of the day and we are running late because I stopped by his bedroom to say hello and instead of a short visit, it turned out educational. He showed me a book - _The Art of Healing Magic_ - Wynne gave him to read months ago and I was instantly engrossed after reading the first page. He sat next to me and briefly explained some of the notes to me. When we realised it was after eight, we hastily grabbed our things and made a quick dash for the library. As we near the doors, we slow down and he places his hand on the small of my back as we walk in. I stare in wonder at the many bookshelves in front of me and again, I don't have a chance to look around because he steers me to a corner table where Wynne is sitting. When she notices us coming towards us, she stands and folds her arms.

"Anders, she looks annoyed. Are we in trouble?" I ask not quite believing that on my first day, I am going to get into trouble.

"Um… No. She is going to be annoyed because she is punctual by nature and she frowns upon those who arrive late for their lessons, but don't worry, I will soften her up," he chuckles.

"I don't believe you, Anders. She looks more than angry. She is livid," I tell her, but he only smiles at me.

"Good morning, Wynne. I apologise for being late, but I was explaining some of the chapters in _The Art of Healing Magic_ tome to Marian this morning. I thought it would be a good idea to prepare her a bit for our lesson this morning," he says, smiling sweetly at her and I would laugh if her expression wasn't so stern.

"Really, now? And what did you learn, Marian?" she asks, a ghost of a smile playing around her mouth and I realise she is testing me and I shoot an annoyed glare in his direction.

"Well, he told me about the different herbs and plants that one can find to make healing potions and poultices. The main one being _Elfroot_ and _Spindleweed_ which is found along the coast and rivers throughout the country and if correctly made, they produce very strong healing potions," I reply.

"Excellent, however that is all very well… Did he mention how important it is for a mage to know one's own limits? Limits we have to be aware of so that we don't deplete our mana reserves?" she asks as she points to the chairs and I hastily sit down because I am uncomfortable and I don't know what to expect from her or what is expected from me.

"No, he didn't," I reply giving him a hard kick under the table. He flinches slightly, but then he holds up his right hand and in it is a blue ball of energy then his hand disappears.

"Mmm… That is better, however it won't get rid of the bruise," he says quietly as he sits back in his chair and smirks at me.

"Anders?" she says sternly.

"What, Wynne? She never asked and I didn't think about that," he says defensively.

"And why not, Anders? Are you too busy keeping your eye on her?" she chuckles and he has the decency to blush. _Blushing Anders?_ And I smile because he looks so cute.

"No… I just didn't think about telling her," he replies.

"Okay… Fine… You can relax. Where is that book on _Mana and How To Use It Wisely?_" she asks as she checks the books on the table in front of me.

"My Dad sometimes uses _Lyrium_ to augment his mana use, Wynne, especially when dealing with a difficult case," I comment.

"Yes, sometime mages do use Lyrium, but at the same time it is not advisable to use it all the time because it is highly addictive. Do you know that Templars dose themselves with _Lyrium_ to build their resistance to magic?" she asks.

"Yes. My Dad told me that once and he says many Templars become too dependent on it and they walk around looking dazed," I reply.

"True. It has the effect on people who are prone to addiction. That is why it is not advisable to use it in large amounts. A dose here and there will do no harm. But too many dosages is enough to send the addict to the nearest healer and even there, no amount of healing magic or conventional healing can cure them," she continues as she places a blue leather-bound book in front of me.

"The first thing a mage needs to learn is how much mana to use in different situations and more importantly how to control their mana usage otherwise it leads to exhaustion. In rare cases, it sometimes leads to death," she continues and I glance anxiously at Anders who is paging through the book I was reading a while ago. He shows absolutely no signs of interest. In fact, he looks decidedly bored as if he has heard this countless times before.

"Anders, would you mind putting that book away and focus on the lesson, please?" says Wynne.

"I am bored, Wynne. I have heard this countless times before and I would rather be outside in the courtyard breathing in fresh air," he explains as he closes the book with a loud snap.

"If you are so bored and disinterested, then you are welcome to leave, however considering what happened yesterday, I think you should sit this out with Marian," she says firmly.

"What happened yesterday, Wynne?" he smirks.

"You and Solona is what happened, Anders. How could you allow her to speak so unkindly to Marian? Surely you know better?" she asks and he squirms in his seat.

"It's not my fault, Wynne and besides, we, that is to say, Marian and I spoke about that last night before supper… During supper. After supper," he trails off catching my eye and I blush. We disappeared into his room and we stole several more kisses and roaming hands before I told him I needed to go to bed.

"Really?" she asks first looking at me and then at Anders, "You know it's forbidden, Anders."

"Do you think I care, Wynne. For the Maker's sake, I am sick to death of the _Chantry's Law_. What do they know, Wynne? What do they even care especially when they send their Templars to forcefully remove young mage children from their Mother's skirts? Where is the justice and fairness in that?" he asks, getting to his feet, "As I said, I need to be outside before I lose my temper. We have discussed this countless times, Wynne. You know how I feel about it and yet you persist. I know you don't agree with my ideals and I am not asking you to. I just want you to respect them… Now if you will excuse me, I don't have to be here at all." And he stalks off. I look at her Wynne who has pressed her fingers against her temples.

"I have tried so hard to make him see, Marian, and he simply won't. I am not at liberty to tell you the circumstances of his traumatic arrival here when he was a small boy of twelve and besides, it's not my place to discuss it. Now where were were?" she asks, opening the blue leather-bound book in front of me.

"He certainly seemed angry about something," I murmur. I am completely shocked by his reaction and I don't know what to think.

"Ask him about it. Perhaps he will be more inclined to open up to you. He never speaks about the time before he joined the _Circle_. I don't think he has even told Solona about his circumstances. He doesn't like opening up to a soul. He prefers keeping things locked. He is soft-hearted and kind man who has all the time in the world for the children in the _Circle_. If you had to look for him, you would find him among the children. They adore him, Marian. And come to think of it, they adore Solona to," she explains.

"If that is the case, then I won't dare intrude on her territory, Wynne. Now, what is you want to tell me about mana?" I ask, quickly changing the subject.

"Well, as you know mana is what distinguishes a mage from the rest of the people. Everyone is born with mana in their blood therefore anyone has the potential to tap into it, however as mages, we have a constant supply of mana and our connection to the Fade is very strong. A normal person only taps into the Fade when they dream. A mage can tap into the Fade anytime and with the right dosage of _Lyrium_. A mage can walk the Fade. There are many spirits in the Fade. Most of them are benign, but there are malignant spirits as well, but I would rather not get too much into that now," she says.

"Anders told me there are books and tomes about Blood Magic. Is there any harm in reading them?" I ask, folding my hands in front of me.

"Why would a mage such as yourself be interested in the _Forbidden School_?" she asks.

"I would like to gain a better understanding of blood magic, Wynne," I reply.

"Why, Marian? It's dangerous," she says softly.

"I know, but I am interested, Wynne. Don't get me wrong, I have no intentions of becoming a blood mage. I would just like to learn more about it, more out of curiosity than anything else…" I reply.

"I suppose if it is for research, then I don't foresee a problem, but I would really advise against it, Marian. Rather focus your attention on improving your healing skills. Maker knows we need more people like you. Anders and I are the only healers in the _Circle_. I am sure there others out there, but we are the best the _Circle_ has seen in years."

"It is for research, Wynne. My Dad has mentioned blood magic before, but he never went into detail about it. I would just like to learn more about it so that I can safeguard myself and those around me from it," I explain.

"Oh alright. If you are that determined, then I guess there is nothing I do or say that is going to persuade you otherwise. You really are your Father's daughter," she chuckles.

"My Mom often tells me that," I chuckle, turning the page of my book.

"Well, I think it's time we concentrated on our lesson… Now that book you have in front of you will explain the dangers and benefits of mana. It's an educational book and many young apprentices have read it and the come away with a better understanding of mana usage and in turn, they learn how to control their usage and for your first assignment, I would like you to write an essay on your understanding of what the book says after you have read it."

"An essay? When do you want it by, Wynne? This book is no easy read," I tell her turning the book over in my hands.

"By the end of next week, Marian. You will be tested on it, so I suggest you spend enough reading the book and doing research. There are several other books in the library you might find useful," she replies.

"But what about healing magic, Wynne? I thought I was going to learn all about that," I murmur, not bothering to hide my disappointment.

"And you will, once you understand the importance of mana. Be patient, Marian, and besides that, there are many books and tomes about healing magic in the library and if you really want to know more, speak to Anders. His knowledge is extensive when it comes to the _Creation School_ and the _Primal School_," she explains.

"So, healing magic forms part of the _Creation School_?" I ask.

"Yes it does… Now I think we have covered what I wanted to tell you today. Next week, Marian and your assignment must be on my desk…" she reminds me and I can't resist rolling my eyes.

"So, no more lessons this week?" I ask.

"Not from me, however, if you want you can also speak to Solona about the _Elemental School_, but I don't foresee that happening considering what when on between the two of you yesterday," she replies and I look away from her.

"Just as I thought. Unnecessary, but I am sure she will come round. If anything, family to her is very important considering she was literally dumped her by her parents. What a disgrace sending your child to the Circle, on her own… She was eleven, Marian. By the time she arrived, she was in a state. She didn't understand why her parents didn't want her anymore, so I wouldn't be too harsh in your judgment of her…"

"How can I do that when she insists on treating my badly?" I ask and I don't hide my annoyance, "Who are you to tell me what to do, Wynne?"

"Give her a chance, Marian," she sighs, "That is all I ask and don't be so short-off with me either. It's very disrespectful… Now why don't you think about what I've said? Or perhaps start working on your essay? Or join Anders in the courtyard. It's up to you what you would like to do for the rest of the day."

"I…I apologise, Wynne. I didn't… It wasn't my intention to be disrespectful. It's just that I am not used to being told what to do by others. Not even my parents tell me what to do except when they felt I needed to be guided back onto the right path and even then, I didn't like it because I prefer to follow my own instincts… Not that it has done me any good, considering it's my fault I am here," I murmur.

"Tell you what, why don't you join Anders and the children? I am sure he will really appreciate it. Start on your assignment later today, but I do want it by next week," she says.

"It will be done, I promise and besides, I think I am going to enjoy reading this book and researching the subject and perhaps I will grab a few books on healing magic as well."

"That is an excellent idea… I guess I will leave you to it then and if you have any questions, feel free to ask me or Anders… Have a good day and I hope to see you at supper," she says.

"Thank you, I really do appreciate this and I won't let you down. See you later." She nods once and then she's gone and frankly I am relieved because I can't wait to start working on my essay, but I want to spend time with Anders and the children. I quickly pack the books into my bag and I decide I will come back later to find more books on the subject and I sling it onto my shoulder and I walk out smiling and hoping I don't bump into my cousin.

-v-

I drop my bag to my feet while I lean against the archway leading into the courtyard. Anders is sitting on a chair surrounded by at least ten or fifteen children and they are all listening intently to whatever he has to say and I can't help the excited flutter in my stomach or the warming of my heart watching him interact. One of the children, a boy not older than eleven jumps up and drops a ball onto his lap and his face splits into a huge smile.

"Enough lessons, huh?" he asks and there is a collective _yes_ from them all, "Okay divide yourselves into two teams so that we have a game of kickball, unfortunately I only have time for one game, okay? I have to study for my next exam," he explains to them and again there is a collective _yes_. While they sort themselves into teams, he catches my eye and in less than three strides, he is standing next to me, holding my hand.

"Hello, how was your lesson?" he asks.

"Fine… I have an assignment that is due by the end of the next week. It's all about mana and believe it or not, but I am quite excited about this assignment, Anders. How… How are you? Are you still angry?" I warily ask.

"Yes, I am and I suppose you would like to know why I feel so strongly about the Templars?" he asks quietly, barely hiding the tremor in his voice.

"I would like to understand, yes, but that doesn't mean I am going to force you to open up to me, Anders. Only you can decide on that… I am no-one special and I don't expect special treatment from anyone and that includes you," I reply.

"What if I want to tell you?" he sighs, running his hand through his already-tousled hair.

"Wait," I frown, "Why tell me when… When you have always had Solona? Why choose me, Anders? Do you know how much trouble it will cause if she realises you have opened up to me? To someone you hardly know? I shudder to think what she will do."

"And do you honestly think I care about what she may or may not think, Marian?" he retorts, releasing my hand.

"You know what, do what you want, because I couldn't care less either way. I am not going to be the cause of any form of unpleasantness, Anders. You know what? I am done talking to you. I think I am going to go back to my dorm so that I can study in peace and quiet."

And he frowns, "Mari, please stay? I don't want you to go. I… Please? What must I do, Marian? Please tell me, because I don't have a clue."

I don't miss the desperate note in his voice or the vulnerability in his eyes and again, he touches a chord deep in my heart and I, out of desperation, reach for his hand in what I hope to be a comforting gesture, "The first thing you can do is talk to someone. It doesn't have to be me…"

"And if I want to tell you, what then?" he asks.

"To be honest, I don't know…," I reply as one of the children kicks the ball towards us.

"_I don't know?_ How can you not know, Marian?" he asks, kicking the ball back to the children.

"Why don't you tell me and find out?" I challenge and he actually smiles at me.

"And what are you going to do, Marian?" he asks and I roll my eyes heavenward.

"Go nowhere, slowly," I laugh and he throws his head back and roars his head off much to the surprise and delight of the children because they surround him asking him what is so funny?

"I guess you don't laugh that often," I chuckle, disengaging myself from the group and I call them away from him.

"So, do you want a game of kickball or not?" I ask and they run towards me, however I dribble the ball away from them and I sidestep them and then I pass it to Anders who cannot hide his admiration.

"What?" I yell.

"A tomboy on top of it all? It must be my lucky day," he chuckles, passing the ball back to me, however a boy intercepts it and he dribbles it away from me.

"Don't speak to soon, Anders. I might give you a run for your sovereigns," I chuckle and he runs towards me. I try sidestepping him, but he slams right into me and we tumble to the ground, thankfully it's grass and not cement. We roll a few metres before we come to a jerky stop and I can't move because he is on top of me. He reaches for my hands and brings them to rest on either side of me and a deeply intense look crosses his face and I can't control my breathing. He is heavy, but in a pleasant way and I find I can't tear my eyes from his deeply golden brown ones. He leans closer until I feel his breath against my cheek and I half-expect his kiss, but there is a collective _Anders_ from the children and I twist my head to the side and I travel my eyes upwards and into the highly irate face of my cousin who is ready to explode and I try pushing him away, but his grip is too firm on my hands.

"Anders," I whisper in the hopes he will get my message.

"What?" he asks softly as he follows my gaze and when he sees Solona, he frowns, but he doesn't release me.

"How could you, Anders? You are supposed to," she trails off.

"What exactly, Solona?" he asks as he reluctantly releases my and he helps me to my feet. I move a discreet distance away from them and I join the children.

"Where's the ball?" I ask.

"What's your name?" asks a little girl is about the same age as my sister.

"Marian. What's yours?" I ask.

"Mary," she replies.

"That is a pretty name. Would you like to play kickball with me?" I ask them and they all nod and I can't resist their eager face.

"Alright…here goes," And I kick the ball away from us and they all run after it. I chance a glance in Anders' direction and there is a full on fight going on between them. Sighing sadly to myself, I grab my bag, say my goodbyes to the children and I head back into the peace and tranquility of the library and I begin working on my essay.


	7. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 07

**Chapter Seven**

I sigh in exasperation while I page through my book trying to find the chapter on the benefits of using _Lyrium_ to increase our mana reserves when I hear the familiar clinking of a Templar's footsteps on the marble floor of the library. I don't even stop what I am doing until a warm hand reaches for my feathered pen and I sigh, loudly as I turn around.

"I think you have been here for too long, Marian," says Cullen as he sits next to me. He grabs my book and starts paging through while I look on with mild interest.

"You think so, because I certainly don't think so," I reply reaching for my pen and continuing where I left off.

"Your father asked me find you because he wants to see you before he leaves this afternoon," he informs me and I swallow the unexpected lump in my throat.

"So soon, Cullen?" I whisper throwing my pen down in defeat. There is no point in trying to continue with my task at hand while I feel like this.

"I am afraid so… Listen, I am curious about something… Why haven't you and Anders spoken in three days? And why is Solona walking around with a perpetual grin on her face?" he asks.

"Because she got her way with Anders. That's why. She made it perfectly clear to me that she doesn't want me near him at all," I reply.

"Same old story, huh? Well, I think that is about to change Marian," he says softly, pointing to the library door and I turn around. Anders is coming towards me with his hands shoved in his pockets and he has a lazy smile on his face.

"I doubt it, Cullen. It doesn't seem to matter what I think anyway… And besides that, I have more than enough things to do to keep my mind off things and now my Dad is going home…today. I don't know which is worst. Being ignored by Anders? Being bitched at by Solona at every opportunity she gets or the fact that as from this afternoon, I will truly be alone" I murmur.

"You are never alone, Marian… There is always me," he chuckles.

"Mmm… True, but you are not Anders, Cullen. I like you, I do, but there is something else I have yet to understand about the way I feel about him… I know it's only been five days since my arrival, but we connected and I can't shake that connection either. It haunts my sleep. He haunts my sleep," I murmur.

"Hey, a man has to try sometimes, but you are right. I think we can be friends, but as for anything else, that is unlikely because my heart belongs to someone else. I just wish she would wake up and smell the roses," he says softly.

"If you are interested in her, why don't you just tell her, Cullen? You are speaking about my cousin, aren't you?" I ask as I start gathering my books and parchments.

"What good is that going to do, Marian? She has her eyes set on Anders," he points out.

"No, she doesn't, Cullen," says Anders as he seats himself on the edge of the table. He catches my eye and I find that I can't look away.

"How do you know?" he asks.

"Because I told her to speak to you about it, and she hasn't, has she?" he asks.

"No," he replies.

"Well, she said she would and she will when she's ready. Would you mind excusing us for a minute?" he asks as he looks away from me.

"Why? So that you can hurt her, Anders? Haven't you done enough of that during the last few days? Constantly ignoring her," he says quietly as he looks at me.

"It's fine, Cullen. I need to speak to him about something anyway," I tell him.

"Are you sure? I can stick around if you want," he suggests.

"No, it's fine. I will be fine, but thank you anyway and thanks for letting me know about my Dad. Tell him I will join him shortly," I murmur.

"Okay. If you say so," he says softly. He turns around and slowly walks towards the doors and I wonder if he will summon the courage to speak to Solona about the way he feels about her. It would be great if he did because it would get her off my back and it would mean spending time with the man I desperately want to spend time with.

"Mari," he says quietly, breaking into my train of thought as he reaches for my hand. I should reclaim my hand, but I can't and I look up into his golden-brown eyes.

"Yes?" I ask, trying and failing to ignore the sudden tightening of my heart or the clenching of my stomach muscles. Every night since the business in the courtyard, he haunts my sleep and I wake up with my stomach muscles clenching madly and I don't understand why.

"How is your assignment coming along?" he asks, seating himself right next to me so that our legs just touch and heat floods my cheeks.

"Fine… I've done a fair amount of reading during the last few days considering I have the time on my hands to do so. I guess I will be finished with it by the middle of next week," I reply and against my better judgment, I reach for his hand that is close to mine. I expect him to protest, but all he does is smile at me as if to say I know what you want.

"I am glad to hear that. Do you need help with anything such as research or extra notes?"

"And I sigh, "What do you want, Anders? You ignore me for three days. You have no idea how that has upset me and every time I see you and Solona, she goes out of her way to let me know that you are her man and that I should stay away from you and I have done that. Now you are here and I have no idea what it is you want and frankly I am more than a little confused about everything."

"Well, will this help allay the confusion you feel?" he asks, smiling at me with his twinkling golden brown eyes and I roll my eyes heavenward.

"How is that going to allay my confusion, Anders?" I ask after he has placed several kisses on my hand.

"Perhaps this will, because little do you know how attractive I find you. How you have haunted my dreams every night since _Redcliffe_ and because you happen to a be an Amell," he says softly, seductively it sends shivers along my spine.

"Amell-Hawke, Anders. I am more of a Hawke. You can ask my Dad or my Mom or my siblings," I murmur, unable to break my gaze with him. His eyes have darkened considerably and deep… I don't know what… Something is aching in my stomach.

"Well, if you would give me a chance, perhaps I will discover that myself," he chuckles.

"What do you want from me, Anders because we are hardly in the ideal situation to conduct a romantic relationship?" And I swallow hard as soon as I realise what I've said and I blush, "Sorry, I meant friendship, not that other thing," I hastily attempt retracting my words, but he shakes his head.

"I think it is already too late for that and," he murmurs as he quickly looks around the nearly empty library, "I think you need a reminder of what you are going to miss," he chuckles as he cups my face between his hands and my heart gives a painful jolt as he slowly descends upon my lips. He pauses an inch away and I realise if he kisses me,I am going to give in and the thing is, I want to give in and what do I have to lose anyway? He says nothing more to me as he seals his mouth over mine in a deeply passionate kiss that causes the ends of my nerves to tingle madly and I slide my arms around his neck as he tentatively explores my mouth. He moves his hand along the curve of my back to my buttocks where he tentatively curls it around, effectively bringing me flush against him and the extent of his need digging into my stomach and I whimper…loudly, only to have the sound smothered by another passionate kiss. I thread my fingers through his hair and once again I marvel at the silky way it feels beneath my fingertips. I move his head to deepen our kiss further and this time, a low sound reverberates from his chest and that hits me in the pit of my stomach and I break our kiss, feeling overwhelmed and dazed, much to his amusement. He grins at me as he plants a kiss on my forehead, "Now you know what you are going to miss, Mari," he murmurs as he gently releases me leaving me utterly bereft and at a loss for words.

"Your Dad is waiting for you in the Main Entrance and I don't think you should keep him waiting much longer," he says softly as he backs towards the door and I want to call him back, but his name gets stuck in my throat and by the time I can call him, he has walked out and I have no choice but to continue packing my things. I sling the bag onto my shoulder and I walk out of the library in a complete daze not sure of what transpired earlier, because it is has left me reeling and wanting so much more. I shove my hand into my pocket and I slowly find my way to the entrance, even though my heart is not in it because my mind is swirling with images of Anders kissing me. Of Anders touching me where no man has touched me before. Anders' hair and the way it feels between my fingertips. Anders' taste that reminds me of home. By the time I see my Dad standing by the door with Irving, I am in a state and I desperately look around for Anders, but he is not here and I should be grateful because I am going to have difficulty saying goodbye to my Father who has been my constant support and reassurance since we arrived five days ago and I can't believe he is going home and I cannot prevent the tight lump in my throat. All thoughts of Anders are pushed aside as I finally stand in front of the man who has always exercised patience with me. I drop my bag to the floor and I launch myself into his arms. I don't bother preventing my tears and they flow hot and fast.

"Mari, hush… It won't be so bad and I believe you have spent a great deal of time in the library working on your assignment. This is how it is going to be, sweetie, and by the time your two years is up, you will feel better and perhaps more confident about yourself… I am still sorry that it has come to this, but I am sure you have discovered it's for the best… Sweetie?" he lifts my chin and gently wipes away my tears and he pulls me securely into his arms.

"You can write, sweetie, and I will try to make arrangements to bring your Mother to see you…"

"Dad, I don't know if I can do this…" I murmur.

"Hey, you aren't a Hawke for no reason, Mari. We are tougher than we give ourselves credit and you are stronger than you realise. You already look happier, more confident and that is what I want for you and in time you will realise you also want it, but I promise to write to you and I am sure your Mother will be eager to hear any news you have to share, especially about your blossoming friendship with Anders. He really cares, sweetie," he says softly and I gaze at him. This is news to me.

"What do you mean? Has he spoken to you?" I ask.

"Yesterday… Why don't you give him a chance, Mari? He is a good lad who wants the best for you… How this is possible, I don't know because we have only been here for five days, but he cares… Mmm, and here he is, Mari…" he murmurs.

"I am going to miss you," I whisper, stepping away from him and into the warm embrace of Anders as he slips his arms around me. He gives me a squeeze before releasing me and then he reaches for my hand.

"Not as much as we are going to miss you, Mari. Carver and Bethy are going to be devastated when they realise you aren't coming home for a long time… Especially Bethy. I think your Mother and I are going to have our hands full, but this is for this best, as you know. At least Irving," he says, pointing to the man who is frowning at me, "has reassured me that he won't take a sample of your blood for the phylactery," he continues.

"Phylactery?" I frown.

"A phylactery is how they track mages outside the Circle. They usually take a sample of blood and store it in a small vial and they lock it up somewhere safe and sound. It's the only way they keep track of any Circle mage and it's the only they can track a mage who has fled," murmurs Anders for me alone and I twist towards him. The same anger is there in his eyes and his jaw is set and for a moment, there is also vulnerability in his eyes and I frown…again.

"Oh…I guess that is why you always get caught," I chuckle in an effort to lighten his sombre mood and to my surprise, he relaxes.

"True," he murmurs, "But that doesn't prevent me from trying."

"I hope you don't have any intentions of fleeing in the near future, Anders, otherwise," I trail off.

"What?" he asks.

"Nevermind. I will talk to you later. Walk with me," I reply as I tug him towards my Dad and Irving who is still frowning at me.

"Well, Irving, I trust you will look after my daughter," says my Dad.

"Of course we will. It will be nice having the name Hawke gracing our walls again," he chuckles.

"Graceful? There is nothing graceful about being a Hawke, First Enchanter," I chuckle.

"Marian, it might interest you to know that hawks are very graceful. Have you ever watched them gliding in the sky or swooping down to catch their prey? Even that is graceful," he says, an amused glint in his kindly grey eyes.

"Fair point, First Enchanter," I murmur, sobered by the truth of his words.

"Well, I need to take my leave, Mari…" says my Dad as he hefts his bag onto his shoulder and again, my tears flow. Anders releases my hand long enough so that I can give my Dad another hug and kiss.

"I promise not to disappoint you this time, Dad. I promise to study hard," I whisper.

"Hey, you aren't a disappointment, Mari. You are a young woman who is going through a difficult time at the moment. All you need is a friend or friends, Mari, and that will make a world of difference to the way you feel about yourself… and try bridge the gap between you and Solona. Whatever has happened between the two of you, I suggest you push it aside and try to establish a friendship with her. She needs a friend as much as you do and I don't think Anders is the real issue or perhaps he is. Who knows? Try for me, Mari. Try for your Mother. She is the last remaining Amell apart from her arse of a brother," he chuckles.

"Dad, this is Gamlen we are talking about. You shouldn't say things like that," I chuckle.

"True, but I am not going to hide the truth. He was always resentful of your Mom when we started 'seeing' each other, but that is a story for another day. I really need to get going, sweetie. I don't think I want to keep your Mom waiting much longer for me. I just hope she has forgiven me for bringing you here."

"Oh Dad, I hope this doesn't ruin the good relationship you have with her," I whisper.

"It won't. I love her. I guess I just need to remind her of that fact," he chuckles, sky-blue eyes twinkling mischievously.

"Well, I suggest you go, Dad. You don't want to keep her waiting. I will be fine, I promise," I reassure him.

"I don't doubt that… Walk with me. You can come along to, Anders. Irving, good man, are you going walk us?" he asks.

"Of course. Let's go," he replies as the Templar opens the door for us. I smile as we step into the warm midday sun and I take a deep breath. It's good to breathe in fresh air after spending the morning in the library slumming it through my assignment. We stroll towards the docks to a boat that is waiting for my Dad and Carroll steps forward.

"Ah, time to return home?" he asks, shaking my Dad's hand.

"Yes. The sooner I get home, the better. I miss my wife," he says quietly.

"Then go, Dad," I urge, gently nudging him towards the boat and he turns around.

"Are you trying to get rid of me?" he chuckles.

"No… I just feel Mom is going to be pleased to see you and you really shouldn't keep her waiting. Isn't this the longest you have ever been away from her?" I ask.

"You are right, Mari… Anyway, give me a hug, sweetie," he says softly as he pulls me into his arms, "Be good, Mari and just remember if you find things a bit much, seek solace in the Chantry. It really helps to sit there and contemplate things."

"I will keep that in mind, but you know how I feel about the Chantry," I murmur.

"Just try it if you need it and now I really must go. I will write to you once I am home. I love you, Mari. Keep my motto in mind," he chuckles as he gently pushes me away and into Anders' arms. He says his goodbyes to Irving and then he turns his attention to Anders.

"Anders, I trust you will take care of her for me?" he asks, taking his extended hand and shaking it firmly.

"On my honour, Malcolm. I will look after her and I will be there for her should she need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry one. I know how difficult it can be adjusting to Circle life and I will do what I can to make it easier for her," he says quietly,

"Thank you…," he says as he heads towards the boat.

"Bye Dad," I call as soon as he climbs onto the boat. Little does he know about the internal battle I am trying to push to the back of my mind. I know I am going to breakdown as soon as we are back indoors and I am dreading it.

"Bye Mari," he calls back and with that, Carroll, pushes off and in less that two minutes, they are out of sight and I turn towards Anders who is watching me with concern and I cannot keep my tears away much longer. I let go and he wraps his arms securely around me as he slowly walks with me back into the Circle - the place that is going to be my home for two years, minus one week, but that doesn't make me feel any better. It makes me feel far worse and the temptation to run is nearly overwhelming, but he only tightens his arms around more.

"It's okay, Mari. Let's go for a walk around the courtyard," he suggest.

"My bag, Andy," I whisper.

"I've got it," he says as he grabs it and slings it over his shoulder.

"Andy, huh?" he chuckles, "Now we are getting somewhere, Mari."

"You think? You really know how to make a girl smile," I chuckle, brushing my few tears away and I smile up at him.

"Because I know how to make a girl smile, Mari, however it means far more when directed at you, the girl who is slowly finding her way into my heart," he chuckles.

"So you are a poet? A romantic poet?" I chuckle.

"No… Just someone who happens to care for you. Now, about that walk… Are you still up for it?" he asks.

"Yes, I am… Thank you," I murmur and for the moment, I allow myself to forget about my Dad's departure, instead I focus on spending the precious time I have with Anders because I don't know how long it is going to last especially where my cousin is concerned.


	8. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 08

**Chapter Eight**

Anders and I quickly run indoors to get out of the pouring rain. We have just spent an hour in the beautiful rose garden he wanted to show me in celebration of the excellent marks I received for my assignment. Wynne was very impressed with me so much so, she promptly gave me another assignment to do on healing magic and everything about it and I can't wait to start working on it and I am eager to spend a few hours in the library doing research and reading through the many books and tomes I've recently discovered.

I burst into a fit of giggles when I notice his wet, unruly hair and I can't resist tousling it until it stands on end and he rolls his eyes heavenwards as he does the same to me. I tentatively touch my mussed up hair and I start laughing. I wish there was a mirror nearby so that I can see what I look like because by his amused expression, I must look hilarious.

"What?" I ask allowing him to grab my hands and swing me around.

"You look mighty fine, Mari. Your hair," he chuckles.

"What about yours, Andy? It's a sight for sore eyes, I might tell you," I chuckle.

"And we are soaked, Mari, and what do you suppose we are going to do about that?" he asks, eyes straying to my small breasts and I blush and his eyes darken considerably.

"I guess I should go back to the dorm to dry myself," I reply, releasing his hands so that I can fold my arms across my chest. He reaches for my hands and gently unfolds my arms and he doesn't break my gaze, not even for a second.

"Andy, what-" I trail off as he closes his hand over my breast and a pleasant sensation makes it way through my body to the constant yearning I have when he is around and I stagger back into the wall. He slips his arm around my waist and presses himself tightly into me. He gazes at me with smoldering eyes and then he kisses me and I clutch his shirt.

"Maker, they are perfect," he murmurs, moving away from my mouth to the hollow of my neck. He releases my breast and skims his hand to the hem of my blouse where he slides it underneath and I shiver at the unexpected touch of his hand against my over-heated and damp skin. He finds his way back to my breast and he nudges the material of my bra aside and I moan when he gently thumbs my rosy peak and that sends another wave of intense sensation to my yearning for him and I arch towards him. It's as if my body has a mind of its own and I am powerless to stop my reaction and his exploration.

"You are so beautiful," he breathes as he presses his lips against mine in a way that demands a response from me and I am powerless against it. He darts his tongue into my mouth and he deepens our kiss until I forget where we are. He grabs my hand and brings to rest on the hard ridge beneath his pants and he shudders when I move my hand slightly and out of curiosity, I fumble with his zip and he stops breathing altogether as I close my hand over his erection.

"Fuck," he mutters and out of surprise, I giggle. _Anders, cursing? Have you ever?_ And I take encouragement from that. He is big and hard as a rock, no pun intended.

"Stop, please," he moans against my mouth and I remove my hand because I don't want to push him too far, but this is not the first time I have felt the extent of his arousal.

"What in the Maker's name is going on here?" And I break our kiss to look over his shoulder and I am horrified to meet the angry eyes of my cousin.

"Fuck," he murmurs as he quickly zips his pants closed and I slide out from under his arms. I don't want to stick around.

"Where do you think you are going, Marian?" she calls back and I pause. I take a deep breath. This has gone on long enough and I am not going to tolerate it anymore.

"You know, your attitude towards me is most tiresome, Solona, and frankly I am sick of it. If I choose to be friends with Anders, than that is exactly what I am going to do and if anything more develops, then so be it, but I am no longer going to listen to your snide and bitchy comments every time you see me with him. I have no idea what is eating you, but this… This has to stop. I am not the enemy. I am your cousin and I would really like to get to know you, but you keep on ruining the chance of that. I am sorry for the circumstances you found yourself in when your parents… When your parents, Solona… Please?" I implore.

"Marian…" she murmurs and to my surprise, she launches into my arms and she starts crying, "They didn't love me, Marian. I came here alone under the care of a carriage driver. I can't even remember who he was, but he was so good to me. I was eleven, Marian. Eleven years old and when you first arrived, I was so envious. You at least have parents who love you. The decision they made to send you here, must have been difficult for them and I wish I had parents who loved me like that. Anders is the closest person I have to family and seeing you together. Seeing the bond and connection you have formed and in such a short space of time is very difficult for me."

"Hey, I understand it's not easy, but that doesn't mean I am going to take him away from you. He is your friend, Solona and I would like to become your friend if you are willing to give me the chance," I whisper, holding the older girl at arms' length. She is the same height as me and we see eye-to-eye. There is so much pain and sadness in her eyes and it tugs at my heartstrings.

"No wonder he is taken with you, Marian," she smiles, wiping her eyes.

"She's what I need, Solona. It doesn't mean I love you any less and I have always loved you as a sister… I guess it was bad mistake on my part when," he trails off and I suddenly understand why she is so clingy and I look at him and I see the answer in his eyes. I don't know whether to be angry with him or not.

"That was my fault, Anders. I insisted… I…I hope that is not going to interfere with what you and Marian share. It would be sad if it does, because you look good together and you are the happiest you have ever been, Andy. I see the way you look at. The way you follow her every move…"

"No, it won't. I won't allow it and, Mari?" he asks.

"Why should it, Anders?" I ask quietly, still uncertain about how I should feel about this revelation and I look from one to the other.

"I need to think about it… Just," I murmur.

"Mari? No, please don't run," he implores as he grabs my hands.

"Let me go, Anders. I need to think about it… Just… Don't follow me," I say and I turn away from them and I head for the dorms. My head is spinning madly by the time I stumble into the dorm I share with twenty other apprentices. I grab my fluffy white towel and I disappear into the bathroom just off the dorm and I run water into the basin. I grab my cloth and I furiously wash my face. _What is the point?_ That is always going to hang over me like a huge black cloud knowing that they were intimate, Maker knows when and I don't care to know. I swallow my tears and I head back to my bed to grab a dry set of clothes and I wander back into the bathroom. I quickly strip off my wet clothes and I furiously wash myself. Once I am satisfied, I grab my bottle of _Andraste's_ perfume and I dab it onto my body and only then do I relax. I grab my clothes, pull them on and I wander back to my bed where I sit down and grab my feathered pen and a piece of parchment:

_Dear Mom and Dad…_

_I trust all is well at home and I hope you have forgiven Dad for sending me to the Circle… The last two weeks have been a challenge, to say the least, and I have enjoyed every minute of my time working on an assignment Wynne gave me to do. I achieved excellent results and because of it, she gave me another assignment to work on and it's all about Healing - the subject I am most interested to learn about. _

_Circle life is not exactly easy, but the Senior Mages, First Enchanter, and even __the Knight-Commander and his Templars go out of their way to make us feel at home. Of course they have their problems with certain Mages who want more, but on the whole, most of us are happy. _

_I haven't really made friends, except for Cullen, the Templar, who always appears when I need someone… I thought another boy and I were good friends until I realised that he has been involved with Solona… And it hurts, it really does. I like this boy. His name is Anders. He is eighteen and full of nonsense for the most part and he makes me happy… Mom, I wish you were here so that I can talk to you about him because I don't know what to do. I don't even know if a friendship with him is worth pursuing especially knowing he has been intimately involved with Solona._

_I hope Carver and Bethany are okay. Tell them I miss them and that I think about them all the time. _

_Much Love,_

_Marian_

I toss my pen aside and fold my letter. I will have to give it to Carroll tomorrow morning. I quickly seal it and pack it away in my bedside table. I grab my bag and I remove the two tomes about healing magic. I grab a clean piece of parchment and I start reading _The Art of Healing Magic_. It's fascinating and by the time I have read the first chapter, I am onto my second piece of parchment and I can't help the excited flutter as I read more and more about my gift and for the first time in a long time, I begin to understand the true meaning of being a mage and I immerse myself in my research.

-v-

By the time I have read half of the book, it is dark outside and I am hungry, but I don't want to stop now. I have learned so much. I just wish there was someone I could share my new-found knowledge with and the most likely person would be Anders, but I have not seen him since I left him and my cousin out in the courtyard, but the way he kissed me and touched me keeps on coming back and I drop my pen. I can't concentrate anymore. My nerves are tingling madly for his touch and his kiss, but I have no idea where he is. Perhaps I should seek him out. Sighing in frustration, I pack my things away, grab my cloak and I tiptoe my way out of the dorm. Several apprentices have turned in for the night. It must be later than I initially thought, yet my stomach is grumbling and I head for the _Grand Diningroom_. I step inside, expecting to be alone, but Anders is sitting at a table overlooking the courtyard and he appears deep in thought about something and I don't know whether I should join him or make a hasty retreat before he sees me, but he sees me and he comes towards me.

"Hey," he says softly as he stops a short distance away from me, "Are you still angry with me?"

"What do you think?" I sigh, walking past him towards the kitchen.

"It was a long time ago, Mari," he says quietly as opens the door for me.

"That doesn't change the fact, Anders," I point out as I rummage around for bread and cheese. He wanders off to where they keep the meat and other perishables and he comes back with two apples, cheese and two mugs filled with milk.

"I know, but why should it interfere with what you and I share, Mari?"

"And what is it you and I share, Anders?" I ask as I sit down.

"I… I don't know, Mari, but whatever it is, it is something profound. No girl has ever made me feel quite like this, not that I have had many girls…" he sighs, reaching for his apple and quickly slicing it into quarters.

"You slept with her, didn't you, Anders?" I murmur, reaching for the slice of apple he's offered me.

"Yes… I did. It was six months ago, Mari, when I thought we had something genuine between us, but I realised there was nothing there, except perhaps a girl who needed comfort and I happened to be the one she chose…" he trails off.

"You happened to be there? Please," I scoff, "I have never been in a relationship before and I know better than to believe what you have just said. Charm won't work on me. One guy tried it and he walked away bitterly disappointed, yet he really does care about me," I murmur, recalling the sadness in Aaron's eyes when I pushed him away.

"Well, it's the truth, Marian, and it's really up to you whether you want to take my word for it or not. Just know that what I feel for you is deeply profound and intense. I can't go to sleep without you appearing in my mind and how you feel under my hands. The way you respond to my touch and kiss. No-one has reacted like that before, not even Solona. It was quick and unpleasant for her. I regret it more than she does," he murmurs, "And this time I choose to follow my heart, Mari," he continues as he gets to his feet.

"And what does it say, Anders?" I ask, not quite disguising the hope in my voice or is it desperation?

"It says it wants you. It says I want you and Maker knows, I do, but until you trust me, there is nothing more I can say or do to convince you otherwise because you are so bloody intent on seeing fault in me that you seem to forget about me… Perhaps this is not a good idea and I am not going to stick around to find out," he replies and he sighs, "I slept with her, yes, but that was _six_ months ago and yes, I have fucked up several times during the last two weeks and today I really thought we were progressing, but I guess I was wrong about that, but I can't deny what my heart tells me, Marian," he says quietly as he runs his fingers through his unruly hair.

"Just lay the blame on me, Anders, I don't fucking care," I blurt out, "And it wouldn't be the first time I have been blamed for something and since when am I at fault here, huh?"

"Dammit, Marian," he yells as he lunges for me and we tumble to the floor in a tangled heap of arms and legs, each trying to move away from the other, "For fuck sakes, are you so blind you can't see what is in front of you?" he continues as he rolls with me until I am trapped beneath his body.

"Dammit, Anders," I whisper, cupping his face between my hands, "Just fucking kiss me, you blithering idiot." I can't believe I am actually cursing. My parents would be horrified, but that is pushed to the back of my mind as he crushes his lips against mine and I whimper as he darts his tongue into my mouth. I curl my hand around the nape of his neck while I grab the material of his robe between my hand and I hold him securely while he kisses me with ardent passion. He reaches between us and presses his hand against my innermost place and I moan… loudly and he chuckles against my mouth before pulling away and looking at me. He frames my face between his hands and plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" he asks softly.

"No… Only one boy was interested in me… Aaron… An aspiring Templar. He must be about your age. Good looking boy with brilliant green eyes and black hair. I was interested in him for a long time, but he never reciprocated, until two weeks ago, when he kissed me…" I reply.

"I see… And?" he asks, smiling at me.

"And… Nothing, Anders. There was absolutely nothing," I reply, bringing him closer.

"So when the time comes, I am going to be your first?" he asks.

"Yes," I whisper.

"And I am going to have to be gentle?" he asks.

"Very," I reply and with that he presses his lips against mine in more of a caress than a kiss, however I want more and he willingly obliges. I sigh as he darts his tongue into my mouth again. His kiss is not as desperate as before. It is tender, more reserved as if he wants to savour this moment and I thread my fingers through his hair, keeping him in place.

"You smell so good, Mari," he murmurs nuzzling my neck and I giggle.

"Andraste's perfume, Andy," I murmur.

"Really? Because my Mom loved the flowers. Beautiful blue flowers. She had a bed of them back home in the _Bannorn_. She loved them, Mari. She spent hours watering them and ensuring there were no weeds…" he trails off and by the dim candlelight, I notice a single tear rolling down his cheek, "Mari," he murmurs burying his head in my chest.

"I know, Andy. I know. I just wish you would tell me what happened so that I can understand you and the way you feel about certain things," I murmur as I tenderly stroke his hair.

"It was a beautiful summer's day. I was helping my Mom make potions for the nearest village. She was a healer, like me, except she was no mage. She was a conventional healer and she often took me along with her to the clinic in the village to treat the sick. I am the only mage child in my family. I have siblings. An older brother and a younger sister. I was helping my Mom when the Templars barged into our home, followed by my Dad and when I looked at him, I knew. I knew he betrayed us. The Templars grabbed me from my Mom's arms and they bound me in chains. I was twelve, Mari. Who does that to a child? I tried fighting back. Even set the one Templar alight, but he did something to me and I slumped. I was weakened by something. I only learned later that he smote me. It drained my mana and my strength with it. They gave me…my Mom little time to pack a bag for me and the only thing of value was the pillow she embroidered for me. My journey was unpleasant. I was in a state by the time I arrived. I was also sick with fever because the bastards refused to share their blankets with me and when I tried to get some warmth, they smacked me around. All I did was cower in the corner holding myself and I remember thinking death would be most welcome. Needless to say, the Templars were reprimanded and stripped of their commission for their neglect of me. Shortly after that, they were transferred to one of the other Circles…"

"Anders, that was… Andy, I am so sorry… I can't imagine what you must have felt…" I murmur, tightening my arms around this man who desperately needs me and I plant a soft kiss on his forehead.

"It took months for me to recover, Mari… I spent the first six months sleeping in Wynne's room so that she could keep an eye on me," he continues.

"And it was around the time of your arrival you met Solona?" I ask.

"Yes… She spent hours with me. We spent hours in the library reading every book we could get our hands on and that is why we are… close friends, but I am not romantically interested in her, I promise," he murmurs just as several footsteps are heard coming from the diningroom.

"Shit," he mutters, pulling me to my feet, "They won't like this," he continues as we duck through the door leading into the pantry. He leads me to the back and we wait until whoever it is has left and only then do we make our way out and only after grabbing my sandwich and apple. We quickly find our way to the stairs leading to the _Second Floor_ and I hang back.

"Mari, spend the night with me, please?" he asks softly, gently tugging me into his side.

"We shouldn't, Anders," I murmur.

"I know and I don't care. What harm is there in spending the night with me? I promise to keep my hands to myself… Just please? I need you," he murmurs as he opens the door leading to the stairs to the floor above us.

"I… Okay. What the hell? I would rather spend one night with you than in that noisy dormitory," I chuckle and he laughs.

"Why not, Mari? It does get noisy, believe me… Maker knows what else they get up to."

And I laugh, "As if we are any better."

"True… Here you go," he says opening his door and we step into the peace and quiet of his bedroom and it so quiet. I shrug my cloak off my shoulders and hang it on the back of his chair. I don't know what to expect now that I am in his bedroom, but I trust him enough to stay true to his word and with that in mind, I crawl under his covers and I watch him undress himself.

He has broad shoulders and narrow hips. His thighs and calves are strong and covered in a fine light brown hair. I look past his sleeping shorts to his chest and I am delighted by the fine smattering of light brown hair on his pectorals and it travels along his breastbone, over his navel where it disappears beneath his shorts. He flexes his arms muscles and I giggle.

"Show off," I murmur as he saunters towards me and climbs in next to me. I instinctively snuggle into him and for the first time since I arrived, a real sense of peace surrounds me and I close my eyes, knowing I will sleep extremely well tonight.


	9. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 09

**Chapter Nine**

I listen intently while he explains the importance of conventional healing as a means of replacing healing magic when our mana reserves have been depleted. He has been really sweet about sharing his knowledge with me. He even goes so far as to tell me what I should take notes of and I can barely keep up with him and we have been working on my assignment since we returned from lunch and it is nearly five pm and I am tired.

I drop my pen and gaze at him as he runs his fingers through his hair, no doubt trying to think of more to tell me, but what strikes me is the passion and intelligence in his eyes and on his face. He has an extensive knowledge of every school of magic the Circle has to offer and more often than not if we were not together, he would be in the library reading or studying or doing research for his assignments.

He pauses briefly when he realises I am no longer making notes and I look up and into his sparkling golden-brown eyes and he grins at me. I shift myself into a more comfortable position on his bed and I wait for him to continue…

Two weeks have passed since our incident in the Circle's kitchen and we have spent just about every day together just talking, sometimes studying and more often, Solona would join us for short breaks in between her studying and mentoring of the younger mages in the _Elemental School of Magic_ and she has shown no signs of jealousy whatsoever, and there are rumours circulating that Solona and Cullen have spent a fair amount of time with each other.

"Hey, Mari, you are supposed to concentrate on making notes, not drifting off into the _Fade_," he chuckles as he sits next to me. He places his hand on my back and he gently massages me.

"I know. I was just thinking about Cullen and Solona. I wonder how true the rumours are? I have heard they have been seen on many occasions emerging from his quarters on the _Third Floor_," I explain as I push my parchment, feathered pen and books aside so that I can lie on my back.

"Well, I have heard rumours about a couple of mages by the name of Marian and Anders who are always seen together no matter what the occasion. Be it a walk in the courtyard or time spent in the rose garden," he chuckles.

"Really? Because this is the first time I've heard of that," I chuckle knowing exactly who he is referring to, but I am happy to play along.

"Really, because I was in the library the other day and a couple of mages were speaking about this particular couple," he murmurs as he settles himself on top of me.

"And what did they say, Andy? Because from what I've heard, they are the hottest couple around," I chuckle.

"Mmm… I didn't hear that. I heard that they like to sneak around at night, especially Marian," he murmurs.

"No? Really?" I feign innocence and he shakes his head in wry amusement as he gently frames my face between his hands.

"And that he meets her by the door leading to the _Second Floor_. Apparently they meet every night just after lights out," he chuckles.

"Anders," I chuckle as I grasp his chin and I urge him to come that much closer.

"Yes?" he murmurs, lightly grazing his lips against mine. He pulls away and smiles at me before he descends upon my mouth in an intimate kiss. As it intensifies, he slides he slides his hands under my blouse and gently grasps my hips as he nudges my legs apart to accommodate him and I elicit a low sigh when he brushes up against my innermost place. I close my eyes and will myself to calm down otherwise I will start panting like a courtesan or common prostitute. I try hard to keep my breathing deep and even, but it is impossible when he slowly brushes up against me time and again. He reaches for my hand, entwines our fingers and he brings it to rest on the pillow beside me.

"Nothing," I murmur, curling my hand around the nape of his neck.

"Are you sure?" he asks, moving away from my mouth to the hollow of my neck.

"Yes," I sigh, turning my head to the side to grant him better access and he lightly nibbles me there. When he has lavished enough attention, he trails a path of warm kisses along my jawline and all over my face before claiming my mouth once more and I wrap both arms around him as we roll together until I stretch myself along his body.

"Are you sure about your essay, Mari? There is so much more I can tell you about conventional healing. Imagine how impressed Wynne will be once you hand in your essay? You might just become the next best mentor," he chuckles.

"No, I don't think that will happen, Anders. I may be gifted in healing magic, but I don't think I'll be as proficient as you are."

"You might surprise yourself, Mari. Now, are we going to continue with your essay or would you like to do something fun?" He asks

"Fun, as in what exactly?" I ask as I lightly skim my fingers along his jawline and he closes his eyes and a sense of peace comes across his features. _How can my touch invoke such a reaction?_

"Well, we can either go for our evening walk in the rose garden or we can go to the diningroom for supper or we can go to the library. It's up to you. In fact I need some form of distraction otherwise I might do something we will regret and I don't want that for us," he says softly.

"And if I want it?" I ask, "because lately..." I trail off.

"No, Mari. I am not going to spoil our relationship by taking that step with no matter how much you would like me to. My answer is no," he says firmly as he turns to his side and I entwine my legs with his.

"I dream about what it would be like, Anders and I wake up feeling... I don't know..." I whisper.

"So do I, but I've learned my lesson and I am not going to make the mistake I made with Solona. As I told you a while ago, it should never have happened."

"That was six months ago and you can't change it. What's done is done," I point out as I scramble over him. I hastily pack my things into my beg and I head for the door.

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, "There you go, finding fault with me again."

"Anders, I am not finding fault with you. I am just a bit annoyed. Perhaps I should keep away for a few days." And I let a long sigh as I turn around, "I am sorry, Anders. I can't help it, I really can't. I have tried so hard to ignore…" I run my fingers through my hair, "My constant ache, Andy. It never goes away and it worsens when you are around," I murmur and a warm flush spreads throughout me. I look away, suddenly overcome by shyness, "I don't know what to do about it, Anders," I whisper and he climbs off the bed to come towards me.

"Hey," he says softly as he grasps my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze head-on, "Do you have any idea how you make me feel, Mari? I can't control myself around you. Just feel," he says, grabbing my hand and pressing it against the very hard length beneath his pants and he shudders. He swallows, "My control is stretched to its limits, Mari," he murmurs hoarsely.

"Andy," I murmur as I wrap my arms around him, "So is mine."

"Mmm," he murmurs, enfolding me in his arms, "I like this, Mari. I like holding you in this way. We just have to exercise patience and I really don't want to spoil what we share, because… Because," he trails off, a knock on the door interrupting our moment and for no reason, it angers me and I move away from to grab my dropped bag and I sling it onto my shoulder while he opens the door and my cousin walks in holding a rolled up piece of parchment.

"I am sorry for disturbing your study session," she says quietly when she rests her eyes on mine before moving to the bag slung over my shoulder, "Are you going somewhere, Marian?"

"Yes… As a matter of fact I am," I reply, sidling towards the door, "Why?"

"Um… I have a letter from your parents. It was delivered just after four," she replies.

"And you only bring it to me now, Solona?" I ask quietly as I take it from her.

"Hey, I knew you were studying and I was not going to disturb you and besides, it is nearly time for supper and I was going to ask you if you wanted to join me. Anders is welcome join us," she replies.

"I don't mind. Andy?" I ask moving back to the desk and breaking the family seal on my letter. I unroll it and press it flat on the desk and I sit down:

_Dear Mari,_

_You needn't worry about your father and I as we have sorted out our differences with regards to the decision he made to send you to the Circle. In fact, he has been extra attentive since he came home. It reminds me of when we first met…_

_Carver and Bethany are fine, however, they miss you terribly especially your sister. She doesn't understand why you aren't at home, but your father is spending time with her and that seems to help. As for your brother… I have my hands full. He is as headstrong as you are, Mari. He will give you a run for your sovereigns, but I spend as much time as I can with him. He even convinced me to help him craft wooden swords. I think we have a swordsman in our midst._

_Your father mentioned this young man, Anders, to me when he arrived home. He is very taken with him and he feels he is good for you. My advice is to take things slowly. Don't rush into anything and what does it matter if he was involved with Solona? From what your father told me, I gather that Anders is very taken with you and I suggest giving him a chance and if he makes you happy, then give him a fair chance. I don't see any harm in it. You need friends and if he is whom you would like to spend your days with, then do so and you might find he is exactly what you need, but only you can decide that, not me. And spend time with Solona, get to know her. She more than likely needs a friend to, but again, that is for you to decide as well._

_Please look after yourself. Everyone sends their love._

_All my love,_

_Mother._

I roll the parchment up and I stuff into my bag. She has given me enough to think about and with her words repeating themselves in my head, I get up, grab my bag and I walk out.

"Mari? Wait! What… Mari," he says softly as he gently grabs my hand and I turn towards him. I don't know what he sees on my face because his frown deepens and he pulls me into his arms.

"What is it, Mari?" he asks softly as he strokes my hair.

"I miss them, Anders. I really do. Reading this letter has just made me realise how much I miss my Mom and Dad and Carver and Bethany," I reply.

"I understand, I do, but that can't be why you are upset. Tell me, sweetie," he murmurs, holding me at arm's length.

"She says I should give you a chance, Anders. My Dad seems to have taken a shine to you. I don't know what it is he sees in you, but there it is," I explain.

"Hey," he smiles, "Isn't that exactly what we are doing?"

"Yes," I smile, "I guess so. It's just difficult to hear from my Mother. She knows me so well and she knows what I need."

"And what is it you need, Mari? What is it you want? Because whatever it is, I am willing to give it to you, no matter the risk…Except," he murmurs, stepping closer, "That other thing we discussed earlier."

"Mmm…What other thing?" I feign innocence as I loosen the top button of his shirt and I straighten his collar before placing my hands on his chest, "I am not ready, but it is difficult."

"I know. We just need to find away to focus our energies, like studying or continuing with your essay, but Solona has asked us to join her for supper, and I think we should," he murmurs as we look at her leaning casually against the door and her expression is very difficult to read, but I do notice the brief flicker of pain…or is it jealousy in her eyes?

"Yes, we will join your for supper," I reply plastering fake smile on my face, because I don't need her jealousy at the moment.

"Excellent. Cullen will be joining us… He seems to have a thing for you, Marian," she casually comments.

"No, he doesn't, Solona. We are just friends, nothing more. He likes you, and I think he has for a very long time and considering you have spent a lot of time with during the last couple of weeks tells me you like him to," I comment.

"You've noticed, huh?" she smiles and I think it is the first time I have seen her smile.

"We've seen the two of you together often enough during the course of the last couple of weeks… So, what is really going on, Solona?" I ask as we follow Anders up the corridor, to the stairs leading to the First Floor.

"I could ask the same thing about you and Anders," she replies.

"Fair point, however for the most part we study together. In fact he was helping me with an essay Wynne assigned me to do. It's all about the… What did you call it, Anders?" I ask.

"_The Art of Healing_," he replies as we step into the busy diningroom.

"Ah, that's it. Wynne assigned it to me because I did so well with my first essay. She told me she thought I would enjoy doing an assignment on healing magic, and I have thus far,' I reply.

"Really? From what I have heard, you spend nights with him, Marian. What do you think people say about that considering everyone of us is breaking Chantry Law?" she chuckles.

"I don't care about what other's think, Solona. Are you so naïve? What do you think happens most nights? There are what, seventy or more mages living here? Most of them are teenagers. Some are young adults. Do you honestly think they behave and from what I have heard, you are not so innocent," I reply curtly as I reach for his hand with the intention of leading him to an empty table in the far corner away from my cousin.

"No, I guess I am not as innocent as I would like. How can I be when I am no better?" she asks, folding her arms tightly across her chest.

"Solona," says Anders as he runs his fingers through his mussed-up hair, "We have discussed this many times. What more do you want me to say? Or are you trying to sow the seeds of doubt?"

"An apology would be great, Anders," she replies tersely and I roll my eyes heavenward, much to _his_ amusement because he laughs softly next to me.

"For what, Solona? For something we, you wanted? I am not going to apologise for that, but I won't deny that it should not have happened, but we can't change the past, now can we? And besides, didn't you want us to join you for supper?" he politely reminds her.

"Yes, I did… I still do…" she replies.

"Then why in the Maker's name are we discussing something that happened months ago? Are you trying to push Marian away from me? I told you, Solona, I told you that she is what I need and as far as I am concerned, Cullen is what you need. You have also liked him… You always speak about him and now that you are together, you insist on bringing up the past? Why is that, Solona?"

"Because… I don't know, Anders. I guess it sort of hurts me when I see you together, especially knowing she gives you what I failed to give to you and yes, you are right, I do like Cullen and I enjoy spending time with him, but they say the first love is the hardest to forget…" she says quietly.

"Oh Solona, I… I didn't realise that… I… I am so sorry, but I… I never thought of you in that way. You have always been like a sister to me… Always looking out for me and everything else especially when I first arrived here. I… I will never forget what you did for me, and you will always be a very good friend of mine… Just because Marian is here doesn't mean I care less for you. I care very deeply about you, but I cannot give you what you desperately need," he says softly.

"I…I know… Cullen can though. He is easy to talk to and he doesn't judge like most other people in this place… And you know what?" she asks, smiling at us, "I feel something deeply profound for my Templar in shining armor and I enjoy spending time with him… And here he is, as promised," she murmurs as she waves him over and marches towards us, grinning as if he hasn't seen her for hours.

"Hey there, Solona," he murmurs, reaching for her hand and entwining their fingers.

"Cullen… How was your training session?" she asks.

"Intense, as usual, but fun. How was your afternoon of studying?" she asks as they wander off to the table I wanted to sit at.

"Now what, Marian? The tables are full up. Where are we going to sit, because I certainly don't want to sit with those two… I had no idea she felt that way about me," he says softly.

"You must really be blind then, Anders. I realised it the first day I was here… It's difficult to believe that was three weeks ago and here we are as frustrated as ever and no idea what to do about it," I chuckle.

"Mari, I don't feel that way about her at all. She has always been a sister to me and a good friend… I guess shit like this happens when you engage in something you shouldn't engage in at all," he says softly.

"And that is why you don't want to? It's not because you don't want me?" I ask softly, scanning the room for any free tables.

"Marian, of course I want you and yes, I do want you in that way, but not now. We hardly know each other and I care far too much for you to even consider taking that step. The time we have spent together lately has meant the world to me and I don't want to ruin it."

"And deep down, I don't want to ruin it either. In all honesty, I would rather spend time studying with your or going for a walk or sitting in the rose garden. Just being in your company is more than enough, however," I murmur, leaning closer, "It doesn't help with the yearning I feel for you and sometimes it is really too much."

"Hey, you aren't alone there, Marian. I have my challenges to and yes, I do find it difficult keeping myself under control, especially around you, but I am sure we can find a way to focus our energies on something else, such as studying," he chuckles.

"And more studying," I chuckle as I lead him to a vacant table, "Maker, by the time I go home, I am going to be a walking tome."

"You already are, Mari. Do you have any idea how intelligent you are?" he asks as he waves at one of the servants.

"Me? Intelligent? You think so?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies.

"I don't think I am. What intelligent mage would deliberately flaunt her gift of magic in front of the villagers back home, Anders?" I whisper.

"Vegetable soup. Two and two mugs of tea," he tells the servant.

"Right away, Anders," he says softly.

"A rebellious mage who is in desperate need of friends. A rebellious mage who only wants to be accepted by the community… Does that ring any bells?" he chuckles.

"I am not a rebel, however I think you are…" I chuckle.

"After living in the Circle for nearly seven years, you can hardly blame me for that, Marian, but listen," he says, reaching across the table for my hands and I laugh at his serious expression.

"To what?" I ask.

"I was thirteen when I attempted to flee the _Circle_. That was the first time, needless to say I didn't get very far… In fact I didn't make it the boat and I was dragged unceremoniously indoors and straight to Irving's office," he continues, "And after my recent attempt which didn't work out either, I was told that if I ever attempt to flee the _Circle_ again, they will make sure to lock me up in _Solitary Confinement_… For a year…"

"What? They can do that?" I ask quietly, not quite believing him because that was not the impression I got from Irving.

"Yes, they can," he replies.

"And what, Anders? You aren't going to heed his advice?" I ask, looking away from him.

"For the moment, I am not going anywhere. I…I don't want to leave the girl I care about behind," he says softly as he squeezes my hand.

My heart gives an excited jolt, "You mean that, don't you?" I barely whisper as I gaze deeply into his eyes. There is no lie in them and if we weren't in the diningroom, I would kiss him.

"Yes, I do… For as long as you are here, I am not going to leave, I promise and," he murmurs, leaning across the table, "If we were alone, I would-" he trails off because I have pressed my finger against his lips.

"I know… But," I trail off as soon as the servant places two steaming bowls of soup on the table, followed by two mugs of tea. There are several servants running around seeing to everyone, however some mages prefer serving themselves and there are several lined up by the steaming pots of food waiting their turn.

"Mari, eat up. We still have a fair amount of studying to do before we go to sleep tonight," he says firmly and I roll my eyes.

"Always so pushy, Andy. I am not a servant," I mutter much to his amusement.

"No, you are a beautiful, intelligent, determined young woman who wants to do her very best," he chuckles, "To you, Mari," he continues toasting my cup with his and I start laughing.

"To many more interesting and thought-provoking studying sessions," I laugh.

"Hear, hear," he chuckles and I shake my head in wry amusement as I take a sip of my tea.


	10. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

I am horrified about the book on _Blood Magic_ I am reading. What is written is deeply disturbing and I can't prevent myself from shivering slightly. I close my eyes, close the book and I push it faraway from me. I cannot read anymore and I am deeply ashamed of myself for being so insistent on reading it. It serves me right. Anders warned me not to read any of the books in the _Forbidden School_ and I chose to ignore him. We had a huge fight about it yesterday where he made is thoughts on the subject perfectly clear and he has not said two words to me since then.

The four months have gone by in a blur of classes, exams, assignments and stolen kisses and I have settled well into Circle life. I attribute that to Anders' positive and calming presence and at the moment, I miss him terribly. This is the longest we have been apart and I hate every minute of being away from him. It hurts, not just in my heart, by all over.

Sighing sadly, I grab the wretched book and I place it back on the shelf above me. Maker knows why they even keep these books in the library. I wander to the shelves holding all the books on the Creation School of Magic and I scroll the titles until I find the tome on Herbal Medicine Recipes, but as I am about to sit down, a young apprentice approaches me,

"Marian, right?" she asks softly.

"Yes… I am she," I chuckle.

"First Enchanter Irving wants us all in the _Grand Diningroom_," she explains.

"Um…Okay," I murmur, snapping my tome closed and tucking it securely under my arm.

"Do you know what it is about?" I ask.

"No, I don't. I was just told to find you. I don't know why," she replies and I can't prevent the anxious flutter in my stomach and more than anything else, I wish he were with me to reassure me. By the time we walk into the diningroom, every mage, servant, Templar are standing around waiting for something and I wonder if Anders is around somewhere. I search the crowd in the hopes I will catch sight of his smiling face, but he is not here and I let out another despondent sigh. I have been so lonely since our argument. I only realised this morning how much it means to me to have him around, even if it is just for a chat. I search the crowd a second time and I spot him coming towards me and his expression is grim, almost angry and as tempting as it is to reach for his hand as soon as he is close enough, I decide against it.

"What's going on, Anders?" I ask cutting to the chase before he can utter a word to me and he frowns. He really frowns and if I weren't so annoyed with him, I would smile, but I am just as grim as he is.

"I heard something about blood magic," he replies quietly as he searches my face for something and I frown.

"It's not me, if that is what you think," I murmur, lowering my eyes to my worn-out shoes. I am going to have to write home and ask my parents to send me a new pair.

"Someone saw you hovering around the _Forbidden School_ tomes and books this morning, Mari," he points out.

"Anders, I told you I wanted to read about it and I did and I was horrified. I couldn't finish the book I started reading. It made me sick to the stomach and here you are, judging me simply because I wish to learn more about the subject. Well, to appease you, Anders, I don't think I am going to read anymore about the subject. It's frightening and dangerous and enough to give me nightmares, now if you don't have anything kind to say to me, then please leave me alone," I hiss, not quite hiding the pain in my voice and my pain is mirrored on his face.

He grabs my hands, "Look, I am sorry, okay? You know my thoughts on the subject, Mari," he murmurs, tugging me that much closer and I gasp breathing in his familiar scent of grass and pine trees. It brings tears to my eyes and if we were alone, I would launch myself into his arms. He seems to realise what I want because he tugs me flush against him, completely disregarding the faces of our fellow mages.

"You miss home, don't you?" he murmurs.

"Yes," I reply. I told him a few days ago his scent reminds me of home. He was amused at first, until I smacked him and then he told me I remind him of _Andraste's Grace_ and _Lavender_.

"And I have being a right royal arse since yesterday?" he asks.

"Yes," I murmur.

"And I have ignored the only person who means the world to me," he continues.

"Yes," I reply.

"The sooner we get out of here, the better… I am sorry, Mari," he murmurs.

"It's okay," I murmur.

"No, it's not," he sighs, "Tell you what…when we are finished here, we are going back to my room and I am going to show how sorry I really am," he chuckles.

"You meant that?" I ask, hope flourishing madly in my heart and my yearning intensifies. It has been extremely difficult to keep our raging hormones under control and there have been several occasions where we nearly have, but then either he pulls away or I push him away.

He frames my face between his hands,"Not in that way."

"Oh go away, Anders. Don't get my hopes up," I murmur.

"Sorry, sweetie, but you know how it is. So, these rumours-" he trails off as I place my fingers on his lips.

"Are not about me, Anders. I have no inclination whatsoever to dabble in that school. It's enough to send cold, foreboding shivers along my spine."

"Thank the Maker for that," he says, giving me a relieved smile.

"But that doesn't excuse you for assuming otherwise, Anders… You have to make amends for that," I tease.

"And I will. You just wait and see. Mmm… Irving and Greagoir are here and they don't look happy. I wonder what this is about? Have you seen Solona?" he asks.

"She was in the library with me about three hours ago… She… there she is, Andy. She's with Cullen and they both look very grim as if they know something we don't… She really looks upset, Anders… Why?"

"Hasn't she told you, Mari?" he asks.

"Told me what?" I frown.

"She has three months to prepare for her _Harrowing Ritual_, Mari," he replies softly.

"Really? That explains why she looked so anxious when she was with me and she didn't say one word…" I reply, "I shouldn't be surprised. We aren't exactly best friends and that saddens me."

"Hey, she thinks highly of you, Mari. When she is with me, she always talks about you. She is fond of you. Perhaps it's you," he points out.

"But-" I trail off, "I don't understand. And why is it all about me, Anders? I never asked -" I trail off as Irving rings the bell. I move away from him and I fold my arms tightly across my chest.

"Mari?" he murmurs.

I clench my jaw, "I think we should call it quits, Anders… One would think you love her the way you carry on and frankly I am tired of it. I don't need you or anyone else," I hiss and he backs away working his jaw and he doesn't say a word and I look away from him, lest he see my tears. _Dammit, Mari. Why do I feel like this?_

Irving rings the bell a second time and I force myself to focus on him and by his grim expression, this is not good news and a feeling of unease settles over me.

"May I have everyone's attention please?" he calls and everyone quietens down, "Thank you… We, that is to say, Greagoir and I have some disturbing news to tell you…" he continues, "It has come to our attention that some of you are experimenting with _Blood Magic_. I would highly advise against that. You know who you are and we don't need unrest in the _Circle_. We have strived to make the _Circle_ as homely and comfortable as possible for you and it would sadden me greatly if we have to conduct searches and interviews to find out who is behind these rumours should they turn out to be true. As from this afternoon, all books and tomes on _Blood Magic_ have been removed from the library and locked away in a safe place. And I would strongly discourage seeking them out and I ask that if any one of you knows of or suspects someone of _Blood Magic_, it would be in your best interests to report it to me or Greagoir… Greagoir, you may take it from here," he says firmly.

I look at my boots and I tighten my arms around myself. I hope no-one suspects me of _Blood Magic_ and I notice a familiar pair of shoes and I swallow hard before looking up and when I do, there is deep pain and sadness in Anders eyes. He warily reaches for my arms and he gently unfolds them. He stands behind me and wraps his arms around me, locking me in a tight embrace.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, "I don't love her, Mari. My heart belongs to someone else. Don't push me away," he murmurs.

"Then stop giving me reason to, Anders," I whisper.

"Attention everyone," calls Greagoir and we both look up at him, "The punishment for anyone suspected or caught dealing in _Blood Magic_ is the _Rite of Tranquility_. We do not need a group of blood mages running rampant in the _Circle_. Not when we have tried so hard to make this a home instead of a prison. If the persons concerned don't come forward, we will have no choice but to implement rules restricting everyone's movements and I am sure most of you don't want that, but if these rumours are not squashed, we will have no choice. Curfews will be put in place. Every mage will be escorted in and around the _Circle_ by a templar. Any privileges some of you may have earned, will be stripped and that includes those of you who are in romantic relationships. We strongly advise against any romantic relationships of any kind, however we cannot prevent them and that is why we are lenient about that, but be warned, if these rumours are not squashed or the culprits found, those privileges will be revoked… And it is our duty to inform you that every one of you will be closely watched until the culprits are found. Now, I am sure most of you have studying to do… Off you go… Supper will not be ready until seven… Irving?"

"Thank you, Greagoir. I trust you will heed our advice. Go back to your dorms and think very carefully about what we have just told you… See you all at seven," he dismisses us.

"Dammit," he murmurs, taking my hand and leading me through the crowd of people until we are clear of them. He tightens his hold on my hand and he walks quickly to the stairs, up the stairs and into his room where he releases my hand long enough to close the door and it's enough time for me to drop my bag and book on his desk. He paces restlessly in front of me and I sigh as I sit on his bed.

"_Blood Magic_? Here?" I murmur.

"Yes… The rumours are true. Thank the Maker they have removed those books from the library. If anything that will give an aspiring blood mage reason to dabble in that school. I am just relieved-" he trails off when he notices my annoyed expression.

"Don't start, Anders," I mutter as I stand with the intention of going back to my dorm where I can at least think clearly without his presence.

"Still angry with me, huh? I guess I deserve it… But, do you really want to call it quits between us?" he asks softly.

"Dammit, Anders. Of course not, but I will if you continue speaking about my cousin as if you-" I trail off because his eyes have darkened considerably and a look of… I don't know comes over his face and I try moving away, but he lunges for me and we fly onto the bed. He doesn't give me a chance to say anything because he is kissing me as if his life depends on it. His kiss is far from gentle. It's rough and he demands a response from me and I give him what he wants. I give him entrance and he darts his tongue into my mouth. I reach for the hem of his shirt and I tug it off him. I grasp his face and I kiss him…hard while he loosens the buttons of my blouse and I elicit a low sigh as soon as he touches my over-heated skin with his cool hands. I skim my hands along the curve of his back to the waistband of his pants and I slide my hands underneath only to curl them around his firm buttocks and he feels so good.

He groans softly, "Dammit, Mari. I can't keep this up much longer. I need you… I need you," he murmurs. I remove my hand and I touch his cheek. He frames his face between my hands and he plants a chaste kiss on the corner of my mouth and I reach between us. With inexperienced fingers, I loosen the buttons and ties of his pants and when his erection springs free, I whimper.

"Please, Andy… Please?" I implore.

"Oh Mari, I don't want to make love to you when I am angry. It just wouldn't feel right," he says softly.

"I don't care, Anders… I can't anymore. I can't. Spending every night with you is proving difficult with each passing day," I whisper.

"Sweetie, I don't want this for us… I don't want it to be an impulsive decision and I don't want any regrets and I am scared we are going to regret it," he says softly.

"Dammit, Anders. I don't have every regrets, you blithering idiot. I love you," I blurt out and instead of feeling shocked about my admission, a sense of my peace settles over me and I smile up at him. His face is an absolute picture and his eyes are the most beautiful shade of golden-brown I have ever seen.

"You…" he frowns, "You love me?"

"Of course I do, Anders, and I know you feel the same. How many times have you wanted to tell me and each time something or someone interrupts us?"

He gently frames my face between his hands and I close my hands over his wrists, "I know you do, Anders," I whisper.

"Mari," he murmurs, pressing his lips against mine, "I love you, I do and that is why I don't want to take this step with you."

"I…I understand. We don't need complications, right?" I ask quietly and I can't prevent my sense of disappointment.

"That is not what I meant… You told me a few months ago you were happy spending time with me without bringing sex into it. What's changed, Mari?" he asks.

"It won't be sex, Anders. It will be making love. Isn't that what two people who love each do to show or express their love for the other? Or have I been misinformed?" I ask.

"Mari, you are so difficult… No, you have not been misinformed. Surely you realise how much I would like to make love to you?"

And I realise he is being sincere. _Do I really want to jeopardise what we share?_

"Andy, sooner or later, it is going to happen and you know what? I can't wait for that day to come. I can't wait to connect with you in that way," I whisper.

"Hey, I know that, but tonight is not the night. Not when we are more than a little annoyed with each other. Why don't we study for a while? Or go for a walk around the garden? Clear our heads a bit?"

"Well, okay. I guess that will help. Fine, however I can't get up until you have," I reply. He chuckles as he rolls off me and onto his back.

"After you," he murmurs and I climb off the bed trying and failing to ignore his erection. The temptation to touch him is overwhelming and to make matters worse, heat floods my cheeks and spreads throughout my body, right to my yearning for him. I hastily look away from him, completely overwhelmed by the effect he has on me.

"You love me, Mari? I can't believe it. After all these months, you love me," he says softly from behind me as he slips his arms around my waist.

"Oh Anders, what do you think?" I chuckle, allowing me to lean against him. I tilt my head towards the side and he plants a soft kiss on the hollow of my neck.

"Mmm, true," he murmurs, skimming his hands along my arms, to my hands, to my stomach and he travels upwards until he closes his hands over my breasts, "So perfect for me, Mari. Everything about you is perfect, right down to the way you curl yourself into my body when we go to sleep. Do you have any idea how much I enjoy waking up with you or how attractive you are to me in your half-asleep state?"

"Andy, you really know how to flatter a girl. I am not at my best in the mornings," I chuckle as he turns me around. He grasps my chin and he gives me a chaste kiss, but I want more. I slip my arms around his neck and eagerly seek out his mouth and he responds eagerly as we move back to the bed. We half-stumble, half-fall onto the bed and we start laughing.

"What about our walk or studying, Anders? Aren't we defeating the purpose?" I chuckle.

"Well, what harm is there in fooling around for a while, Mari?" he asks.

"Fooling around, huh?" I reply, once again skimming my hands along the curve of his back to the waistband of his pants.

"Yes," he replies, loosening the buttons of my blouse and exposing me to his ever-intense gaze. He eagerly nudges my bra aside and before I can think of stopping him, he closes his mouth over my nipple and I moan…loudly.

"Andy," I murmur, holding his head securely between my hands to keep him in place while he lavishes attention on my breasts. He releases my nipple with a soft popping sound and he moves onto the neglected one and I whimper as soon as he takes it into his mouth and with his free hand he skims my stomach, slides it beneath my pants and presses it against a sensitive bundle of nerves and I cry out. We have never gone this far before and we have to stop before it goes to far.

"Wait," I whisper and he pulls back to look at me. The passion in his eyes is clear and they are smoldering with hidden fire.

"Trust me," he murmurs and with that he presses his lips against mine and he continues teasing my innermost place. He slides one, then two fingers into me and I arch upwards and I cry out again because it feels so good and I want more. He realises it because he slowly moves his fingers in a circular motion within me and an unfamiliar, yet very pleasant and deep sensation starts in the pit of my stomach. It feels as if my muscles are clenching and unclenching and I grip his shoulders with the effort of trying to keep myself under control and shamelessly I widen my legs to accommodate more of him.

"Anders," I half-pant, half-whimper and he quickly removes his fingers.

"I…I…Dammit," he murmurs, crushing his lips against mine in a deeply passionate and intimate kiss and I shamelessly wrap my legs around his waist.

"Please, I can't…take it," I whisper.

"It's okay… Relax…" he says softly as he gently kisses me to distract me from my body's primal response to his.

"What is happening to me, Anders?" I whisper.

"A natural way of things, Mari. This is what making love is all about and when we do make love for the first time, it is going to be very intense and perhaps painful for you," he replies, "But for now, just relax and ride it out with me," he murmurs.


	11. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

I frown, upon hearing soft voices behind the shelf of books I need for my assignment on _Elemental Magic_. I strain my eyes, however the voices are very indistinct and my curiosity is piqued. Since the announcement concerning the rumours of blood magic circulating, everyone is guarded and there are never more than two people seen together because they feared if they were in groups of more than two, they would be under suspicion. I, however, am not too worried, because my nose is clean as well as Andy's and Solona's. I open my book again, but the voices are becoming clearer and I roll my eyes. I don't like being disturbed while I study and this interruption is distracting me. I slam my book closed and I tiptoe to the end towards the voices.

"It's not fair, Lily. I have been an apprentice mage far longer than Solona, yet her _Harrowing Ritual_ is a month away…"

I recognise that voice. It's Jowan and the funny thing is that the rumours going around are all about him.

"I am sure that's not true. Perhaps they feel you aren't ready," says Lily and I stick my head around the shelf. They are huddled in a corner - the same corner Anders and I often sat at especially when we wanted some time together. Jowan is leaning against the wall, with his arms folded and Lily is sitting on the table.

"That is utter nonsense, Lily. They want to make me _Tranquil_. They think I am dabbling in _Blood Magic_ and you know that is not true."

"How do I know that, Jowan? Sometimes you disappear for hours and when you come back, you are always covered in blood…"

"Lily," he sighs, "I swear to the Maker that it is not me… What must I do to convince you otherwise?" he asks as he approaches her.

"Tell me where you go, Jowan," she replies and he stops just short of her.

"I can't…" he says softly.

"And you expect me to believe you?" she asks indignantly.

"I love you, Lily. Surely that is enough?" he asks softly as he tugs her into his arms.

"It's forbidden, Jowan. You. A _Chantry_ sister. We should never have," she trails off. I move back to my table before I see anything more and I sit down. I bury my head in my hands and I sigh. If I don't inform Irving of what I have just heard, I will be in serious trouble and I don't want that. _But, wait a minute… Is there anything to report?_ He has not outright said he's dabbling in _Blood Magic_… Perhaps it is just a rumour after all. I look up when I hear them and Jowan frowns at me.

"What? I am studying!" I inform them and he takes her hand and walks off. I watch them until they disappear out of sight and I pick up my book again, but I can't seem to concentrate. _Come on Mari, this assignment is important. Just try._ I reach for my feathered pen and a roll of parchment and I start writing the importance of using Elemental magic as a form of defence and I am so absorbed by what I am reading, I don't hear anyone behind me until I feel his hands on my shoulders.

"Hey there beautiful… Studying hard?" he asks as he comes around and sits on the table in front of me.

"Always, but… Andy, I heard something just now and it is really worrying me. Remember Irving telling us that if we suspect someone of using _Blood Magic_, we should inform him?"

"Yes… I haven't forgotten that. Why? What's on your mind, Mari?"

"Um… Sit down," I murmur reaching for his hand and tugging him into the chair next to me.

"Wait… You aren't-" he trails off.

"No, it's not me, so don't worry about that," I reassure him.

"Thank the Maker," he says softly, "But what is it, Mari? What do you know?"

"Um… Jowan was here about half-an-hour ago with a _Chantry_ sister in that concealed corner you and I often spend time together… They were talking about Blood magic. He also mentioned my cousin and the fact that her _Harrowing_ is not far away and he doesn't understand why Solona is going for Harrowing because he has been a an apprentice mage far longer than she has. He mentioned something about _Tranquil_ mages and she wanted to know if he was dabbling in blood magic. He denied it of course and I came back here… I don't know what to do, Andy. If he is involved somehow, shouldn't I tell Irving? What if it is true? What if they realise I knew about it? You heard Irving…" I trail off.

"Mari," he says firmly, "Did he actually admit to using it?"

"No, he just mentioned it and that he is not involved with it. She didn't believe him, Anders. There is something else going on, of that I am certain," I reply.

"What else did he say?" he asks.

"I came away, so I didn't hear anything more and I continued with my studying, until you disturbed me, that is," I chuckle.

"And you don't mind. You've been here for too long. Surely you need a break?" he murmurs as he pulls me to my feet. He lifts me onto the table, cups my face, "You study too hard, Mari."

I reach for his hands, "I have to, Andy, otherwise how am I supposed to keep up with everything. You have been here for years. I have only been here for a few short, wonderful months. Two years is not a lot of time to learn everything I can. That is why I study so hard and the best part is when you and I study together… Is there anything you would like to share about _Elemental Magic_?"

"What do you want to know? As you know, my forte is the _Primal School_ and _Creation School_. I don't really use _Elemental Magic_ unless I want to warm my bath water," he murmurs.

"I would like to bath with you sometime," I whisper and he chuckles.

"Why, my sweet Mari? Is there something you wish to share with me?" he asks.

"Mmm… No. I just want to spend time with the man I care about. Is that too much to ask?" I feign annoyance as I attempt pushing him away from in a half-hearted manner.

"How much do you care about me, Marian? Do you care enough to," he murmurs reaching for my hand and pressing it against the hard ridge beneath his pants. I gaze deeply into his eyes as I loosen his belt and zipper. I close my eyes as I reach in and he moans softly before crushing his lips against mine and the force of it sends me sprawling flat on my back. Before I realise it, he has covered me with his body. He kisses me again as he pushes my robes up around my waist and I whimper as soon as he presses his erection against my innermost place.

"We can't, Anders," I whisper.

"Why not?" he murmurs, moving away from my mouth to the hollow of my neck.

"I…I… I am scared," I whisper and he immediately backs away, but not completely because I am clutching the material of his shirt with my hands.

"Of what, Mari? Of the way you react to me or the way you feel about me?" he asks softly.

"It's a bit of everything, Anders and what we share and the fun times we have shared thus far, I don't want to lose that. It will kill me to lose you. I love you too much, Anders," I whisper.

"Hey, did anyone say I was going anywhere, my love?" he chuckles.

"Um… No, but I am going home at the end of next year, Andy," I point out.

"I know," he sighs, "Then let me ask you something," he says as he sits up and pulls me into the sitting position. He touches my cheek and smiles warmly at me and I reach for his hand.

"What do you want to ask me?" I murmur.

"May I make love to you?" he asks.

"You blithering idiot," I laugh, "You have no idea how much I want that," I reply.

"Then I don't see what the problem is," he points out.

"Oh Anders, there is a time and a place for everything and the library… Is not the ideal place," I point out.

"True… Okay. Because you don't want to indulge me, is it alright if we go for a walk before supper?"

"Well," I murmur, eyeing my books and parchments, "I guess fresh air is exactly what I need to clear my head from the mugginess of endless hours of studying."

"Then let's go… We can drop your things off in my bedroom before heading out," he says as he packs the rest of my things away for me.

"You spoil me, Anders. Why? You know I can take care of myself," I chuckle.

"Hey, if I learned anything from Wynne and I have learned a lot, the most important thing she taught me was how to treat women with respect… You can imagine her annoyance when she suspected something was going on between Solona and I. You know, she cornered me here and lectured me about taking advantage of her and I told her it was consensual and that _she_ was the one who insisted…"

"Andy… What was it like…for you?" I barely whisper as I look away from him and I am suddenly very aware of heat flooding my cheeks.

"Awkward. She was very shy and it was very painful for her. Even when I used healing magic. She complained bitterly and that took the fun out of it for me. As for me, I was not sure of what I was doing. I may have been a bit rough with her… It was once, Mari and only once. In fact she ignored me a for a while after that and that is when Wynne got hold of me and gave me a piece of her mind. She also wanted to know if it ever occurred to me that she might actually conceive? I was horrified. Do you know what they do with babies born in the _Circle_?"

And I finally look at him, "No, I don't," I reply.

"They take them away from their Mothers before they even get a chance to see their newborn baby. They hand them over to the Chantry where they raise them and if they show any signs of magical talent, they send the children to the other Circles across the land. Do you know that there are twelve circles in Thedas? I hear the Kirkwall Circle is very strict and harsh towards its mages," he says and I don't miss the way he is clenching his jaw.

"There, they treat their mages worse than slaves, Mari. They are not allowed to see their families at all… Well, that is what I have heard, however it's not that difficult to believe," he continues.

"It can't be that bad, Andy? Surely? Here they treat us fairly well… I find it difficult to believe the other Circles are harsh."

"Yes,they are lenient here, but Irving and Greagoir respect each other. Greagoir steps in if he has to or when Irving requests his assistance, but for the most part, Irving and the Senior Mages, such as Wynne and soon-to-be Solona, they deal with most problems."

"But believe it or not, Andy, I am happy here, I really am. Knowing you and spending time with you every chance I get has made all the difference. When my Dad first mentioned sending me here, I was angry and hurt. I didn't believe it, because he has always said he will never send one of his children to the _Circle_, but," I murmur, perching myself on the edge of the table and reaching for his hand, "You have no idea how difficult things have been for me. Especially those six months before I came here. I celebrated my sixteenth birthday. It was a happy occasion, but something change inside me. I became angry and resentful mainly because I was in desperate need of friendship, so I went to the Inn. I started spending time there in the hopes I would make a friend or two, but no-one wanted to talk to me or sit with me. Then the unkindness started. First it was the local boys hurling insults at me every chance they got, then it was the girls joining in with the boys and I decided that if they were going to be so unkind, then why should I go out of my way to befriend them? So one afternoon, I stared shooting fireballs in the fields around _Lothering_. I wanted them to fear be… I guess I got that right, but what hurt the most was that the boy I was interested in, did absolutely nothing to stop his friends from hurling insults or stones at me. He sat back and watched. My parents knew exactly what I was doing and they spoke to me frequently about it, but it didn't stop me from showing off every chance I got, until the last time when my small fireball went out of control… It took every ounce of my strength to bring it under control. I didn't want anyone to be hurt on my account…" I trail off. The memory is still fresh in my mind and I have never forgotten the fear on their faces and in their eyes.

"If that is the case, Mari, then you are the first mage who has ever been happy in the Circle. Most of them hate it because they seldom see their families or loved ones… What is it about being here that makes you happy?"

"I guess it's because I am finding myself, Anders and the assignments I have done thus far have taught me so much even though my Dad taught me all he knew. He was a Circle Mage when he was younger and that is where he learned about the gift of magic. Knowledge he has passed onto me and knowledge he is passing onto my sister," I reply.

"Hold on… Your sister is a mage?" he asks, an incredulous and surprised expression on his handsome face. A face I am tempted to lavish with kisses and the thought makes me smile.

"Yes. She is only nine, Andy. I was seven when I first showed signs of magic," I reply.

"Maker that is young. You were young. It's rarely passed between siblings, Mari… But it's no surprise considering magic runs in your Mother's blood as well…" he says softly.

"Are you saying that it is not a common occurrence?" I frown.

"No, it isn't. The magic that resides in your blood must be powerful, Mari and the possibility of you giving birth to a mage child is there…" he trails off.

"Andy, I am only sixteen and the possibility of a child of my own is the furthest thing in my mind."

"But the possibility is there, my love… Should we," he trails off.

"Don't spoil my mood, Anders and besides I am responsible and I will be very diligent," I murmur, "Now if you will excuse me, I should go back to my dorm so that I can finish my assignment."

"Mari, our walk? Please?" he murmurs as he grabs hold of my hands.

"Okay… Relax, but first I need to put this away," I say, pointing to my bag that is comfortably slung on his shoulder.

-v-

We lie down on the grass and we look to the fast-fading light of day. Another fifteen minutes or so and darkness will blanket the sky. I reach for his hand and bring it to rest on my chest but he moves it onto my breast and I elicit a quiet sigh I hope he doesn't hear, but he props himself onto his elbow and grins down at me and the longer he looks at me, the more restless I become.

"Stop it," I whisper as I half-heartedly attempt pushing him away when in actual fact, I want to feel his body on top of mine.

"You can try, but I am not going anywhere. I am as solid as a rock," he chuckles.

"You don't say," I chuckle as I manage to half-drag him onto me and he laughs.

"You aren't going to take _no_ for an answer are you?" he asks as he settles himself on top of me.

"No," I reply, tugging him closer until I feel his breath on my cheek.

"What about a time and a place, Mari?" he asks throwing my words back at me and I resist the temptation to roll my eyes.

"What about here and now? No-one is around. Most of them are heading to the diningroom for supper and you and I are out here, enjoying the simple pleasure of being together. I would say now is as good a time as any," I chuckle.

"Mari, I would say you are rather insatiable," he chuckles.

"No… I just happen to be in love with a good man who makes me happy and I would like to share in my happiness with him, but he is so stubborn and it drives my wild," I murmur, curling my hand around the nape of his neck and tugging his face towards mine until we lock lips. I wrap my arms around him holding him close as I possibly can to retain our intimacy.

"Mmm… You know we really should go indoors, Mari. Where it is far more comfortable and warm and private," he murmurs, framing my face between his hands and I with my hand, I gently grasp his chin.

"And I am hungry," I chuckle, giving him a quick kiss on his forehead.

"Mmm… For what, exactly?" he asks.

"Food and tea," I reply and he rolls off me, laughing.

"You are funny, Marian, you know that? Of all the things… Damn, you are insatiable. Let's go and eat out supper. Come, up you get," he says, jumping to his feet. He extends his hands towards me and he tugs me to my feet.

"Have you seen, Solona at all today?" he asks.

"No… I haven't. Maybe she's studying, Anders or perhaps she is with Cullen… When I saw her this morning, she told me she was very anxious about her _Harrowing_… Is it that bad?"

"Well, it depends on the mage, Mari. Some have no problems. Others barely make it through and others just give in," he replies.

"What was your's like?"

"Difficult, but I came through it, otherwise I wouldn't be standing here chatting to the most beautiful woman in _Thedas_," he chuckles.

"Don't exaggerate, Anders. I am not _beautiful_," I chuckle.

"To me, you are… After you, my sweet Mari," he chuckles as he escorts me through the door and he has the cheek to smack my buttocks.

"Anders," I laugh.

"I didn't do anything, Mari," he says eyes sparkling with humor and mischief.

"Anders," I whisper, grabbing his hand and lacing our fingers.

"Do you want me to do it again?" he whispers

"No… Go away, my infuriating rebel mage," I laugh and he grins at me.

"Rebel mage, huh? What about you?" he asks and I roll my eyes at him.

"Are we going to have something to eat or not?" I ask, spotting my cousin sitting by herself. I lead us to her table and she flashes me a smile as we sit down.

"Hey…" I whisper.

"Marian. Anders," she says quietly.

"What's wrong, Solona? Where have you been for most of the day?" I ask.

"Where do you think, Marian?" she snaps and the she sighs, "I am sorry. I am just anxious about my _Harrowing_ and it doesn't help matters that Jowan wants to know why I have been selected for the _Ritual_ when he has been an apprentice longer than me. As if I am involved with the decisions the senior mages make," she scoffs as she looks at Anders, "Perhaps you know why."

"And why in the Maker's name would I know that, Solona? I may be a senior mage, but that doesn't mean I know what the decisions are. Those are left to the mentors, such as Wynne… They will never make me mentor. I might just encourage the mages to flee," he chuckles.

"True… A rebel mage, Andy, that is what you are and from what I can gather, you are just the same, Marian," she says.

"Me? Well, if you call showing off in front of villagers, rebellious, then I guess I am. I don't believe half of what the Chantry teaches us, but then that would be called blasphemy, now wouldn't it?"

"As if you follow the law, Marian. Not when you spend every night with Anders doing Maker's know what behind those doors…"

"The same could be said of you and Cullen, Solona. Snooping around every night… I know what you get up to."

"And it is really none of your concern, cousin," she states.

"As is my business with Anders, Solona," I point out.

"Clearly, but let's not fight. I don't want to come across as the jealous cousin who lost out on a good man," she says softly.

"Fair point," I whisper through clenched teeth and he starts laughing.

"I like this. Two jealous girls. Only one has captured my heart," he says as he deliberately places his hand on my thigh.

"Well, I happen to like Cullen and we are good together. At least he knows how to be gentle and caring," she retorts.

"And your point being, Solona?" he asks quietly as he skims his fingers along my thigh, to my knee and back up again.

"And I think I have heard enough… Somehow I don't feel like sitting here any longer. Anders, I am going to bed," I inform him as I gracefully slide off my chair.

"Solona, what is your problem? As if I haven't apologised to you… Why can't you move on? I love her, and there is nothing you can say or do that will change the way I feel about her. Now if you will excuse me," he says as he reaches for my hand.

"Yes, why can't you, cousin? You claim to care for your Templar in shining armor, yet you keep on being unkind to us… Why can't you just accept it? And besides that, your _Harrowing Ritual_ is just over six weeks away and I am sure we can do without any unpleasantness… Surely you can agree on that?" I ask.

"It's my nerves. They are on edge. I apologise. Maker, I do seem to spend my time apologising to you two… Look, I am really sorry. I don't know what has come over me. I am very pleased you are both happy… Can we move on from this?" she asks.

"Yes, if you are willing to accept us, Solona," says Anders.

"Fair enough. I won't bring it up again, I promise," she murmurs.

"Good, now if you will excuse us, we have studying to do. Enjoy your evening…with Cullen," he chuckles.


	12. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

He tightens his hold on my hand as if he is trying to reassure me that whatever my cousin said is nonsense. I tilt my head to the side to figure out what the story is with my cousin. _Is it jealousy? Does she resent me for the loving parents I have?_ The way she talks about Anders - she makes him out to be less than gentle and considerate when all we have shared thus far is the opposite. Sighing despondently, I come to a stop outside his bedroom door and he raises his eyebrow in what I know is a silent _what's on your mind?_ And I smile at him. We have only known each other for four, maybe five months and he already knows me so well.

"Anders," I trail off as he opens the door. He leads me into his bedroom and I sit down.

"Before you say anything, Mari, she is jealous and you shouldn't take what she says personally. She has always been this way and I think it is her way of making herself feel safe and secure. I have told you before that she's clingy and possessive, but underneath her façade, she is a genuine person."

"But she says… She implied," I trail off because he is gazing at me with deeply passionate eyes.

"And you believe her?" he asks and the hurt in his eyes hits me where it hurts the most and a hard lump forms in my throat. _How can I doubt his love when he has been here for me since I arrived? He has shown me love, compassion, understanding and he has always been there when I need a shoulder to cry on especially when I miss my family._

"Andy," I murmur, reaching for his hand and tugging him next to me, "No, I don't and I am sorry if you thought I was doubting you… I love you and you are always around when I need you. I know you will never hurt me…" I trail off because my heart is beating so fast and his eyes are so dark. He touches his hand to my cheek in a soft caress and the air suddenly changes between us. It becomes intense, almost electric and there are blue wisps of energy flowing from his fingertips. I reach for his hand and he entwines our fingers. He places his free hand on the small of my back and he gently lowers me onto the bed. He frames my face between his hands and he kisses me. It is more of caress than a kiss, but I know the depth of feeling behind it and I curl my hand around the nape of his neck.

"Mari, I… I love you and I will never hurt you… Love," he whispers, pressing his lips against mine in a kiss that demands a response from me and I open for him. I whimper as soon as he darts his tongue into my mouth and he begins his exploration. I skim my hands along the curve of his back, to the hem of his shirt and I tug it upwards.

"Are you sure?" he whispers.

"Yes," I murmur.

"You might experience a bit of discomfit," he murmurs.

"I don't care, Anders. I am not afraid. Please?" I half-whisper, half-plead.

"You are so beautiful," he murmurs as he stares at me, "Your eyes are the most beautiful shade of blue I have ever seen and you know what else I love about you, Mari?"

"My smile? Or my laugh?" I chuckle.

"Mmm… That too, but I love the way every emotion flickers in your eyes, from when you are sad, to when you are happy, like now. Do I really make you that happy?" he asks, skimming his fingers along my jawline.

"Of course you do… You are… I don't know. Something special, Anders… I love you," I whisper.

"I know you do, now let me show you how much I love you," he whispers as he presses his lips against mine once more. I remove his shirt and he presses his lips against mine in a deeply passionate kiss and he rolls with me. He reaches for the zip of my robe and he pulls it down all the way to my buttocks. He reaches for the hem of the robe and he tugs it up around my hips. I sit up with him and he takes it off and deposits it on top of his discarded shirt.

"Maker, Mari," he murmurs, lightly skimming the flat of my now-naked stomach with his fingers, "Your skin is so soft and silky and smooth," he says softly and I reach for his hands. I close my eyes savouring the feeling of his arousal beneath me. He feels good and he is as hard as a rock, no pun intended.

"You… Andy," I half-whimper as his erection brushes up against me and my yearning implodes and spreads outwards and I press my lips against his and I kiss him with ardent passion. He rolls with me without breaking our kiss and he reaches for the belt of his pants. He tugs it free, pulls down the zipper and I eagerly, almost-greedily reach for him and I all but whimper feeling his length heavy in my hand.

"Mari, just let me get out of my pants…" he murmurs, as he climbs off the bed and turns his back towards me. I watch him remove his pants and I force myself to calm down. He is so strong. His legs and back ripple with strength and I shouldn't be surprised considering he often lifts me in the air in a way of greeting. He turns back to me in all his glory and I elicit a low sigh. His chest is covered in a fine smattering of light brown hair that forms a path along his breastbone, over his navel to his lower body. His thighs are strong and well-developed. I force myself not to focus too much on his erection. Instead I focus on removing my bra, but my hands are shaking far too much and my nipples are painfully hard, something I often experience when we kiss. He sits next to me and grabs my shaking hands, "Let me do that, Mari…" And with hands far steadier than mine, he unclasps my bra and that joins our growing pile of clothes lying in a heap on the floor. His eyes widen and he tentatively closes his hands over my breasts and I elicit a low sigh. It is not the first time he has done this, but you would think it is by the gentle way he handles them.

"So beautiful, Mari. So perfect. Maker, I love you and everything about you," he murmurs hoarsely and I reach for his hand so that I can lace my fingers with his. He curls his hand around the nape of my neck and he leans towards me to kiss me and I brace my hand against his chest. He feels so good, so warm and I realise I _am_ ready to take this step with him. As if he senses my train of thought, he deepens our kiss. His mouth is so gentle. His tongue so warm and the small sounds he makes seems to connect with my yearning for him. He sits back on his legs and pulls me onto his lap for an intimate embrace. He moves away from my mouth to kiss the hollow of my neck and I whimper as he lavishes attention on the beating pulse there. He pulls back to look at me. His eyes are heavily lidded and they are smouldering passionately and I kiss him, desperate to retain our connection and intimacy and he tightens his arms around me.

"I love you," he murmurs and I respond by deepening our kiss. He reaches between for us the erection pressing into the soft flesh of my stomach and my stomach tightens in anticipation of what is to come. I move away from his mouth to kiss him along his jawline and the hollow of his neck and he rumbles low in his throat. I reach between us more out of curiosity than anything else, not that it's the first time we have fondled each other. As I close my hand around it, he elicits a low sigh before lifting me slightly to accommodate him

"Are… Are you ready? I… I don't want to hurt you," he whispers.

"I trust you," I whisper.

"Do you want to lie down?" he asks.

"No," I breathe, "I want to keep the intimacy we are sharing. I love you, Andy…"

I brace my hands on his shoulders. He lifts me slightly. He catches my eye and slowly eases me onto him. I shoot my arms around him as a sharp pain radiates outwards and to my chagrin, I burst into tears and he eases up. He tightens his arms around me.

"Ssh… It's okay… Tell me to stop and I will," he says softly as he kisses my forehead, "I understand if you aren't ready."

"I want this, Anders. I just didn't expect it to be… painful," I sob.

"You needn't worry about that much longer," he murmurs and the most wonderful feeling envelops me. I realise he is healing me. He curls his hand under my chin to kiss me. He wraps his arms securely around me and he slowly eases me onto him a second time. I whimper feeling the first wave of pleasure through the pain and the deeper I sink onto him, the more pleasure I feel.

"Andy," I moan, seeking out his mouth to kiss him and he falls back against the pillows without losing our new-found connection. A connection I don't want to end and by the intense look in his eyes, he doesn't want it to end either.

"You feel so good, Mari. So warm," he whispers as he gently moves and I stifle my gasp upon realising the full feeling he gives to me.

"Andy," I whimper, seeking out his mouth for _his_ kiss and he responds just as passionately as I am kissing him, and I attempt matching his movements, but it's awkward.

"Follow my lead," he murmurs hoarsely, bringing his hands to rest on my hips to assist me and what strikes me is how gentle and patient he is being and also the look of pure bliss on his handsome face as if he has waited for this moment for a long time and I realise I have waited just as long. I touch my hand to his cheek and his eyes shoot open, "Mari," he murmurs coaxing me to close the distance between us. He wraps his arms around me and he cradles me to his chest as he gently rolls with me without breaking our intimate connection. He frames my face between his hands and he trails featherlight kisses along my face, my jawline, the hollow of my neck and then he moves away from there to my breasts, but I want him close to me. I touch his face and he finds his way back to my mouth and we kiss as he begins to move.

-v-

"Mari," he calls softly as he gently rubs my back in slow, soothing circles and I open my eyes. He has a vial of something in his hand and I frown.

"Hey, it's not what you think, my love. You were restless and whimpering as if you were experiencing pain… Were you?" he asks. I attempt moving myself and I whimper. I am so tender deep within me and that is surprising because he was so gentle.

"Just as I thought. Drink this, Mari. It's _Elfroot_ potion. It will help… Let me help you," he murmurs, placing the vial on the table next to the bed. He gently eases me onto my back and again, there is a feeling of discomfit, but it's not painful. It's a pleasant reminder of what we experienced earlier in the evening. Once he is comfortable I am comfortably on my back, he places his hands on the flat of my stomach and he begins examining me.

"Anders, I am fine, really," I chuckle as I reach for his roaming hands, but he smacks mine away.

"Hey, let me do what I do best, Mari," he chuckles as he gently presses my stomach and I flinch and I try smacking his hands away, but he pushes them aside, "Mari, please?" he asks.

"Okay… Do what you must. I am going to close my eyes and enjoy the way your hands feel on my stomach," I chuckle.

"Then you are in for a surprise," he says as I feel a strange tingling sensation. It's a featherlight touch and I open my eyes to see his hands glowing brightly and a look of intense concentration on his face. It's almost funny the way he's brow is furrowed and I want to laugh and I do, much to his amusement, because he gives up on healing me. Instead, he helps me up and gives me the vial of _Elfroot _potion, "If you don't want to experience my healing magic, love, then you will have to drink this and hope it helps."

"Aw, love, come now… Don't stop on account of me. I just thought you looked amusing while you were healing me. Your brow was furrowed and there was this look of intense concentration on your face. Please don't stop…" I murmur, reaching for his hand and placing it back on my stomach.

"Mmm… Okay… Just sit tight," he says quietly as he starts healing me again. I close my eyes, again and savor his gentle touch and a deep ache is felt in the pit of my stomach. I open my eyes, launch myself at him and he falls back onto the bed, laughing and before he says anything more, I kiss him with ardent passion. I dart my tongue into his mouth and I suck on his tongue in the way I know he enjoys. He rumbles low in his throat and I giggle.

"You are a tease, Marian. What am I going to do? Or better yet, what I have unleashed?" he chuckles and I shiver as he skims his fingers along the curve of my back to my buttocks.

"Unleashed? Perhaps I am a deeply passionate woman and you were the one to discover that," I chuckle. I frame his face between my hands and I give him a chaste kiss on the corner of his mouth. He slides his hands upwards and curls them around my neck to keep me in place.

"Perhaps you are… What are your parents going to say?" he chuckles.

"Who cares? I am here in the _Circle_ thoroughly enjoying the limited freedom we have while they are in _Lothering_ trying to teach Bethany the importance of magic while Carver spends hours crafting swords," I reply.

"You only enjoy it because of me, Marian. What is going to happen when you go home? When you leave me here?" he asks.

"Anders, that is not for another eighteen months at least and I… Please? I don't want to think about it… You can always escape to find me," I chuckle.

"Mmm, that is not a bad idea, but it's not a good idea either…. They will find me and bring me back here and then I will have to spend a year in Solitary Confinement," he says.

"Anders, you have tried, what, five times to flee? Do you know what I think, my love?"

"That could be many things, such as I want you to make love to me again," he chuckles.

"Mmm… True, because I do want you to make love to me again… and again… and again," I chuckle.

"Then hush," he murmurs, rolling with me until I am trapped beneath his warm, solid body. He nudges my legs apart with his knees and that same excitement I felt earlier starts in the pit of my stomach. My legs part shamelessly in an open invitation and he rolls his eyes.

"Insatiable appetite," he chuckles, "But what do you think? About my escape attempts?"

"Damn and I thought I was in for something romantic," I chuckle, "But back to my question. Someday you will escape, Anders. You should try swimming across the lake to the shore. Perhaps swim beyond the _Circle_ to whatever is on the other side. The Templars won't be able to follow you because their armour is heavy," I chuckle, thinking back on the conversation Cullen and I had about their armour.

"Well, now that I have successfully disappointed you… I need to ask you something," he says.

"What? What do you want to ask me?" I ask, skimming my fingers along his jawline.

"Well, it's nearly two am… Are you going to spend what's left of the night with me?"

"Anders, where else would I rather be? I don't want to go back to the dorms. You know how noisy it is at night. I don't sleep well when I do sleep there and besides that, I would rather spend the night with you as I have for a while now," I reply.

"I don't know, Mari. Perhaps you would like to be somewhere else studying to your heart's content," he teases.

I roll my eyes, "Anders, I have spent enough time studying and besides as you said it is two am and I… We should go to sleep and I still need to drink that potion of yours."

"Do you still need it?" he asks.

"Mmm… No, I am fine, thanks to your excellent care," I reply.

"Excellent, then I suggest we sleep," he says as he rolls off me and I sigh.

"Now I feel cold and lonely," I whisper.

"Well, that can be rectified, if you just give me a moment," he murmurs as he gently turns me onto my side and then he pulls me flush against his body.

"Better?" he asks.

"Yes," I reply, nestling into his warm body, "How is it you are always so warm, Anders?"

"I don't know… You like?" he asks.

"I do," I reply.

"Any regrets?" he asks, golden-brown eyes darkening slightly.

"Um… No, I don't. Why? Do you have any regrets?" I ask, trying and failing to hide my disappointment.

"Hey, I don't regret it, Mari. I love you and it was the best experience in my life. Didn't you feel our connection?" he asks.

"The part when your aura surrounded us? I felt it, in here, Anders," I reply, taking his hand and placing it over my heart.

"Yes, I meant that part… It was quite something, wasn't it? I have never experienced something like that before. When I made love to Solona… It was more of… It wasn't making love, Mari. I didn't feel a connection with her, even though she told me she felt a connection with me. I never felt it at all. With you, it's there, all around us…"

"What does it mean, Anders?"

"I don't know… Do you want to experience it again?" he chuckles.

"Maybe later. I should go to sleep and so should you," I reply, yawning and he gives me a kiss on my forehead.

"Damn and I was looking forward to experiencing it again," he chuckles and I prop myself onto my elbow. I touch my hand to his cheek and he closes his eyes.

"Anders," I whisper, pressing my lips against his and without further encouragement, he opens for me so that I can begin my exploration. He curls his arm around me and he pulls me next to him.

"Mmm… As tempting as that is, my love, you are right. We should sleep. It's late and I am sure you have to be in the library for your lesson with Wynne.

"True… I don't know what more she can teach me," I whisper.

"You know, she may specialise in healing magic, but she is also knowledgeable about the other schools of magic, especially the _Spirit School of Magic_," he says.

"What about the _Primal School_, Anders? When you are going to enlighten me about that? I may be good at healing as well as the _Elemental School_, but I am also interested in learning about the other schools."

"I know… All in time, I promise. Now go to sleep, otherwise I am going to force you to take the potion, Mari. It may heal injuries, but it also relaxes people. Some more than others and those others always want to sleep," he chuckles.

"I can fall asleep all on my own, thank you, but thank you for the tip, I appreciate it. I really need to sleep. It's been an exciting day for me," I whisper.

"More like an emotional one," he chuckles, "I have never felt this way before… Hey, I have only been with one woman before you.

I roll my eyes, "Anders, I get that. Can we rather not focus on us or must I remind you of what we shared?"

"No, it's fine. The morning awaits one we have slept for a few hours. Don't be surprised, my love," he chuckles.

"What is that supposed to mean, Anders?" I ask, closing my eyes and savouring the way his arms feel around me.

"Go to sleep, Mari, otherwise I will force you to drink that potion. Then you will sleep," he chuckles.

"There is no need, Anders. I am half-way there," I whisper, sinking into that falling asleep state that always makes me feel as if I am floating.

"Love you," he whispers.

"Love you more…" I murmur and with his words floating in happy circles in my head, I fall into a deep, restful sleep.

-v-

I open my eyes and I turn onto my side to study the sleeping man beside me and he looks so peaceful and happy. I prop myself onto my elbow and I warily touch his cheek. His breathing is deep and even. He is completely at peace. I turn onto my side, away from him and I curl myself into a ball, but he slips his arm around me and pulls me securely into him. I turn towards him and he is awake, except his eyes are full of sleep.

"Going somewhere?" he asks.

"No… I just wanted you to do what you are doing now," I reply.

"Oh… I see. You want my warmth?" he chuckles.

"Yes, thank you, love. Now I can sleep for another couple of hours," I reply.

"Okay," he murmurs, tightening his arms around me, "Go to sleep, Mari. I am not asking again… What is the time anyway?"

"I don't know. It's not light out. It must be after four… And this is the second time I have woken up in one night. I am going to be exhausted," I reply.

"Not too exhausted for some fun tonight, I hope?" he murmurs as he trails featherlight kisses along my shoulder blades.

"We'll see. Go to sleep, Anders," I chuckle.

"Can't now… I am too wide awake and it's your fault," he murmurs.

"Really? I can always go back to my dorm," I murmur.

"You can, but you won't," he says softly.

"Mmm… You are right, I won't do that… I am going to sleep now… See you a bit later," I murmur, closing my eyes. He gives me a soft kiss between my shoulder blades and then he settles down.

"Love you," I whisper.

"Mmm… Love you more, Mari," he whispers.


	13. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

_Dear Mom,_

_I hope all is well with you, especially Bethany. In Dad's last letter, he mentioned he is having a bit of trouble trying to get her to accept her gift of magic. He mentioned something that she hates being a mage because she has no friends. I am worried about her. I don't want her to follow in my footsteps. She is so young and I would never want her at the Circle._

_The younger children are fairly happy, however Wynne and some of the senior mages have their hands full trying to keep them calm, but they cry, Mom. They cry for their parents. Some are as young as nine, ten. It's so wrong. A child needs his Mother. I really hate this stupid Chantry Law. It does more harm than good and instead of a happy medium, most of us just want to live normal lives with our families and loved ones and not be stuck in the Circle._

_Yes, I am reasonably happy and I am doing very well with my assignments. These last six months have really opened my eyes to how useful magic can be and how dangerous magic can be, especially where Blood Magic is concerned. At the moment there are concerns that Blood Magic is being used, but nothing has been confirmed as yet._

_Mmm… My happier times are days…and nights spent with Anders… He is so good to me. He treats me well and we have a lot of fun, however we can fight as well, but that always ends… Well, I won't disclose how exactly, because I don't think you or Dad will be pleased with me._

_Solona is going to be doing her Harrowing next month and she is very anxious about it. It doesn't matter how many times Anders tells her she will be fine, it doesn't help. Sometimes I feel nauseous when I think about it, because my turn is also coming. I think they mentioned that if I continue doing so well with my assignments, they are going to consider me to do my Harrowing towards the end of the year or early next year. I can tell you that I am not looking forward to it._

_I miss you, Dad, Bethany and Carver so much sometimes and I wish we were together as a family again. Tell everyone I love them and I think of them often._

_All my love,_

_Marian_

"Mmm… Interesting, my love. You aren't giving too much away, now are you?"

I jump in my seat and I whirl around, "Anders don't sneak up on me like that. I thought you were with the children."

"I was until Wynne gave me this…," he says showing me a piece of parchment, "And I thought you would like to see it."

"What is it, Anders?"

"It mentions something about a dance next month. It's just before Solona's _Harrowing_, however I don't think she will attend," he replies.

"A dance? Here? At the _Circle_? Why? And since when do they care about things like this, Anders?"

"I don't know, Mari… Perhaps they feel we need a bit of fun in our lives. It's not as if we do much here apart from studying and doing assignments. Life is dull in comparison to what you experienced before you joined the Circle," he replies.

"I seldom went to anything they had at the inn in _Lothering_, Anders. I wasn't popular with the villagers," I sigh as I turn back to my letter. I roll it up and tie it with a piece of string, "Care to walk with me so that I can drop this off with Carroll. I believe he is going across the lake today to fetch more supplies."

"Okay… Let's go… You know you have just crushed my hope of going to this dance, Marian," he says softly as we walk towards the stairs that will take us down to the _First Floor_.

"Why is that, Anders?" I ask as I reach for his hand.

"Because I was going to ask you to come with me, but if you are so against the idea, I can always ask someone else…" he trails off and I give him a deadpan stare.

"You wouldn't dare?" I whisper.

"I would, Mari, believe me, I would," he replies.

"Then you are an arse, Anders," I inform him as I reclaim my hand, "I don't need you to come with me after all. Why don't you run along and ask some silly teenager to go with you? I am sure there are several who would love to go with you…"

"Oh, I do love it when she is jealous… It does something to me," he chuckles as he makes a move towards me, however I sidestep him and he trips over his own feet.

"Serves you right," I snap as I backtrack towards his room.

"Mari, I was… Dammit! Love," he calls.

"You were saying?" I ask, folding my arms tightly across my chest and trying my utmost to stay angry with him, but his expression is one of shock, mingled with surprise and love.

"That I was going to ask you. My beautiful girlfriend. Who is intent on staring me to the ground and being as stubborn as she is, she refuses to hear me out, as usual," he replies.

"Mmm," I murmur, reaching for his hand and helping him to his feet and he pulls me into his arms.

"If you continue like this, my love, I don't think my control will last because you are so damn attractive when you are angry… Do you have any idea what you do to me?" he asks.

"Don't mess with me, Anders," I whisper, half-amused, half-angrily.

"I would never mess with you. Promise. On my Mother's pillow," he chuckles.

I gaze up at him, "Your Mother's pillow?" I chuckle.

"Yes… Now are we going to hand your letter to Carroll so that we can go to the library to study or we can go for a walk around the rose garden," he suggests.

"Wait, what about this dance… Are you going to ask me or must I go down on bended knee to ask you?"

"Well, now that would be something to see… No, my love, you don't need to go down on bended knee. That is for me to do when the time is right, however, Mari, would you like to go with me to this dance they insist on having next month?"

"You know, I don't think it is such a bad idea, Anders. It will give everyone a chance to mingle and get to know each other instead of the groups of two or three people we always see in the library or in the courtyard, or rose garden…"

"Marian, I don't care about that… Would you like to go with me?" he asks.

"Anders, what do you think?" I reply as I reach for his hand. I place it on my hip and I grab his other hand with mine, "Do you dance?" I ask as I move forward.

"Oh yes… Follow my lead," he replies as he steps backward. He turns and we dance in the passage much to the amusement of several fellow mages and Templars. He swings me away, only to bring me back into his arms and then he twirls me around.

"Mmm… Who taught you?" I ask as we finish off to friendly applause from our onlookers.

"My Mom… And then Wynne… I have always enjoyed dancing… As much as I enjoy cats," he chuckles.

"Cats, Anders? We have known each other for six months and you never once told me you liked cats…"

"You never asked, Mari. When I was a boy I had a ginger cat called, well, Ginger. My Mom gave her to me when I was six… Why? Do you own a cat or a dog?" he asks.

"No, I don't. It's never occurred to me or my family to even have animals around. You see," I explain, acknowledging our audience with a wave of my hand before taking his hand and heading towards the stairs. Once we are heading for Carroll's office, I continue, "Andy, we moved several times from village to village to stay ahead of the Templars pursuing us. I can't say how many times we moved… By the time I was seven and showing signs of magic, my Mom was pregnant with the twins and my Dad didn't want us moving all the time anymore, so we settled in _Lothering_. It's a small village and when we moved in, they were in desperate need of a healer. It's along the _Imperial Highway_. The Templars didn't mind us too much and nor did the _Chantry_. They understood the importance of having a healer and they made an agreement with my Dad that as long as his purpose was healing and that his children followed suit, we would always be welcome…" And I trail away, suddenly realising the full enormity of my rebelliousness. I clutch his hand and I fight my overwhelming sense of nausea.

"Mari, sit for a moment. You are as white as the sheets on my bed," he says softly, voiced filled with concern.

"I was foolish, wasn't I? The risk, Andy… What if they arrested me? What if they forced us to flee because of my foolishness? What have I done, Anders? We could lose everything because of me," I whisper.

"Hey… Calm down, Mari. That has not happened and I don't think it will. What are they going to without Malcolm seeing to the sick and infirm? Or assisting pregnant women?" he points out.

"But, Anders…" I trail off.

"But, nothing, Mari… I wouldn't worry about that at all. Let's take this letter. Give it to Carroll so that we can at least spend time together. If you are that worried about it, you can always write a letter to your Day," he suggests.

"No… I am sure if something was said, they would tell me about it, but on the other hand, they might prefer to keep it to themselves. I just can't believe it. I don't know why I didn't realise or think about before," I continue.

"You are a teenager, Mari and teenagers don't think about others. They only think about themselves, but you have come a long way since we first met… You are proving to be an excellent mage, both in the _Creation School_ and the _Elemental School_. You are well-loved by the children. Irving and Wynne think highly of you and they respect you and believe it or not, I think Solona also thinks highly of you… So I really wouldn't worry about anything else," he says quietly, firmly.

"If you say so… Here we are," I murmur as I open the door to Carroll's office. He is sitting at his desk reading a list of some sort.

"Carroll, would you be able to give this to the man who delivers supplies to you? He normally rests at the inn in Lothering before heading to _Denerim_," I say.

"Ah. Ms Hawke. You look well. Enjoying _Circle_ life or is the company you keep?" he asks.

"A bit of both, I think… Listen, this is a letter to my parents and I would really it delivered. Would you take it across for me?" I ask.

"Mmm… You really don't need to ask, Marian. It's part of my job to ensure the letters reach the mainland," he replies

"Excellent. Then I don't need to give you further instructions, right?" I ask.

"Of course not. In fact as soon as I have re-read my list, I will be going across the lake to speak to the carriage driver… Something has to be taken to _Denerim_. Don't know what though. Greagoir wouldn't tell me," he explains.

"Thank you. I appreciate it," I murmur and I give him the parchment. I grab Andy's hand and I lead him into the library to our spot and I sit down, "Did you that, Anders? What is really going on here?"

He sighs, running his fingers through his hair, "I have absolutely no idea, Mari. Why on earth would Greagoir send something to Denerim? It sounds like they know something we don't…"

"Do you think it has something to do with the rumours still circulating about _Blood Magic_? What in the Maker's name would make them feel the need to send something to Denerim?" I ask.

He sighs…again, "Love, I don't know. I don't have all the answers, but whatever it is, it can't be good. Perhaps we should-" he trails off. He presses his finger against his lip, "Ssh," he whispers, reaching for my hand and pulling me to my feet.

"I told you, Lily. I told you they want to make me _Tranquil_. I can't have that… They think it's me…" says Jowan.

"I did as you asked, Jowan. Why can't you let it go? You are going to put everything at risk and I don't think I continue in this façade of a relationship with you. Have you spoken to Solona as we discussed?"

"I told you I can only speak to her after she has gone through her _Harrowing_, until then there is nothing more I can do…" he replies.

"Jowan, why do you want to bring her into this? She's going through a difficult time as it is. She spends hours in the _Chantry_… crying. I don't know if it is because of her _Harrowing_, but she cries… It's very unfair of you to even consider asking her to assist you with whatever it is you have planned," she says.

I clutch Andy's hand and I drag him back to our spot, "Anders, we should speak to her. There must be a reason…"

"Such as, Marian?" he asks, folding his arms.

"Anders, don't be so bloody difficult. She is my cousin and I care about her. She is the only remaining child of my Mom's sister. Family is important to my Mom. To me, Anders," I whisper.

"Really?" he smirks.

"Anders," I hiss and then I clench my fists while I take a few deep breaths, "Just get out of my way." And I walk past him with the intention of leaving him, but he grabs me around the waist. He whirls me around and roughly pushes me up against the bookshelf.

"Anders, what in the Maker's name-"I trail off as he crushes his lips against mine with bruising force. My cry of pain is swallowed by his demanding tongue and my resolve weakens and I unwillingly slip my arms around his neck.

"Okay… I get it," I mutter, trying and failing to shove him away, "You are jealous, aren't you?"

"No," he sighs, "Mari… Okay, maybe just a bit. I also lost my Mom, remember? I don't have a family to go home to and the only family I have is you. Well, I thought I did until you squashed that idea," he says softly as he releases me and I don't miss the vulnerability in his eyes.

"Love, you are my family, but I have other family to and because I have other family, they have become your family and you really shouldn't be jealous. Do you really think I don't consider you family?"

"Well," he says, frowning at me, "I-" he trails off and instead of telling me what's on his mind, he kisses me and its a stark contrast to the earlier kiss we shared and again, I wrap my arms around him. He walks with me into a secluded corner that is out of earshot and curious eyes and he sits on the only available chair. He positions me over the juncture of his thighs and with my hands shaking madly, I loosen the ties, buttons and zip keeping him away from me. I all but whimper when his erection springs free and he bunches my robes around my waist, pushes my undies aside and amidst sighs and moans from the two of us, I sink onto him.

"We really shouldn't resolve our differences this way," I whisper, seeking out his mouth and upon finding it, I dart my tongue into it. His reply is muffled as I seal my mouth tightly over his.

"Why not?" he chuckles.

"Because it is not-" I trail off and heat floods my cheeks, "Anders, stop… Please?" I whisper. There are several people watching us and I can't remember when we moved away from our spot.

"Why, my love? I am just getting started?" he asks.

"Anders, we have company…"

"Shit," he mutters, releasing me instantly. I straighten my robes to restore some shred of dignity and he hastily sees to himself. By the time we turn around, Wynne is approaching us and she does not look impressed. Anders pushes me behind him and I grab his hand.

"Before you-" he trails off because she is glaring at us.

"In Irving's office. Now," she says quietly.

"No, Wynne. Whatever it is, it is not going to stop us…" he declares. I would laugh if our circumstances were different.

"Don't back chat me, Anders. His office. Now. And the rest of you, go back to your studying or whatever it is you were doing. The show is over," she announces and if I could, I would bury my head in the ground to hide my shame. I barely keep it together on the walk to his office and Anders is ramrod straight and he is clenching his jaw. Wynne slams into Irving's office and she instructs us to sit in the chairs, but Anders refuses and I can't reclaim my hand because he is holding it so tightly. Irving stands and approaches us and he eyes our joined hands.

"Wynne? Why are they here?" he asks quietly as he gives her a questioning look.

"Because, Irving they were engaging in… sexual activity in the library for all to see," she replies and I can't look anywhere, except at my feet and Anders tugs me closer. I know he is trying to reassure me, but my shame runs deep.

"Really?" he asks, mild amusement clear in his voice, "And?"

"It's unacceptable, Irving," she replies.

"True. What do you suggest, Wynne? Because from what I've heard, they spend every night together… Do you think punishing them is the answer? Do you think advising them to stop seeing each other is the answer?"

"But Irving, it's against the law," she replies.

"I know and so do they however we cannot interfere with what is for the most a healthy relationship between two young people who obviously care deeply about the other… Wynne, there is only one way to resolve this," he trails off.

"Please Ser… Don't send her away… Please? I love her," whispers Anders as he wraps his arm around my shoulders and I slip my arms around his waist.

"Why would I send her away, Anders? She is only here for another eighteen months and why would I interfere with your relationship with her when I know how difficult it will more than likely be when she is ready to go home?" he asks.

"But-" he trails off.

"Irving?" asks Wynne.

"Wynne, you were young once. Surely you remember?" he asks and I don't miss the dreamy look in his eyes or the slight flush on her cheeks.

"Irving, now is hardly the time to discuss…that… You know what happened… You know…" she trails off and now it is my turn to look surprised.

"I know it was not easy. It wasn't easy for me either… To watch you… Nevermind… We can discuss that later… but what do you think we should do in this case?" he asks.

"I would strongly discourage it, Irving," she replies.

"Mmm… And I, for once, disagree. I think she should move into his room," he replies.

"But Irving, the others?" she states.

"Wynne, my dear, we are not going to be able to stop it either way because… Well, you and I both know what goes on in this place, but in their case and in the interests of the other mages, I feel they should share a room…" he replies and I glance at Anders who is looking as surprised as I feel.

"If you think it's for the best-" she trails off.

"I do, however I will leave you to discuss the importance of being responsible. We don't want unexpected surprises to upset the balance we have created over the years…" he says.

"Alright," she says as she turns towards us. I instinctively press myself into him.

"Hey, relax, Mari," he murmurs softly.

"You heard him, Anders. Help her move her belongings into your room and when that is done, I will visit you. We have things to discuss… I need to establish a few things… Off you go… And please be more careful next time. We don't want the younger mages getting any ideas," she says and without another word, we shuffle our way out of the office.


	14. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen**

I have just packed my clothes into the drawer he cleared out for me when there is a knock on the door and I let out an annoyed sigh. The last thing I expected was to move into his room and I am not sure how I feel about it and I more than a little annoyed with him for leaving me alone. Maker knows where he went and right now I couldn't be bothered.

"Who is it?" I ask.

"Wynne… May I come in?" she asks.

I open the door, "You would probably come in even if I said no," I reply as she walks past me.

"True… Where is Anders? I wanted to speak to you together," she states.

"I don't know. He took off as soon as he brought the last of my belongings. He didn't say where he was going and I don't really care," I reply as I indicate to the chair. She nods her thanks and she sits down. She points to the bed and I really have no choice but to sit down. Sighing despondently, I grab his pillow and I hug it to my chest.

"Not the response I expected… I can't say I blame you," she states.

"I am not thrilled about the idea, either, Wynne. It was bad enough sneaking around to be with him and now this… And he is not here…" I trail off.

"I saw him with Solona and I bet that doesn't please you," she states.

"Is it that obvious?" I ask.

"Do you trust him, Marian? Do you trust him enough-"

"For what, Wynne? His wandering eyes? I know he had a thing with her. He told me and she constantly rubs my nose in it and he does nothing to put her on her place. He claims to love me… How can he make such a declaration when she often comes up in our conversations? No, Wynne. I am not pleased. I would rather have my own room. A place I can escape to when I need to me on my own, but what can I do about that now? I don't get my own room until after my _Harrowing_ and that is only if I get through it without succumbing to malignant spirits."

"Mmm… This clearly is a bad idea… Tell you what… I think I am going to have a word with Irving. I know for a fact there is a room waiting for you and I am going to ask him you would be happier being in your room," she says.

"You…You would do that for me? After my shameful behavior in the library in front of my fellow mages?" I ask, trying and failing to prevent myself from shuddering.

"We live and learn, Marian and you have certainly learned your lesson, however I have one concern," she says as he walks into the room, followed closely by Solona.

"We are diligent, Wynne, but in all honesty, I don't think that is going to be a problem anymore. Do you think I can go back to my dorm until I hear from you?" I ask, deliberately ignoring him and my cousin who won't wipe the smug smile off her face. I grab my bag and pack a few of my things into it.

"Yes, you may… I will let you know as soon as I know, but I don't foresee a problem either way… I will find you later," she says and she walks out. I sling my bag over my shoulder and I deliberately ignore his questioning gaze as I walk past him and into the corridor. I swallow the hard lump in my throat and I furiously wipe my tears away.

"I warned you, Anders. She's no good for you…," she says quietly and I whirl around.

"It's thanks to you I have to do this, Solona. Anders, I can't do this anymore. Not when you always go back to her… I can't. You say you love me…" I trail off completely aware of the hurt in his eyes.

"I…I… Mari, don't do this," he says softly.

"If you stopped going to her or talking about her, then we wouldn't be standing here discussing it, now would we? I can't…"

"I knew she would hurt you, Anders," says Solona and I approach her.

"You are a bitch, Solona and to think I was actually considering getting to know you simply because you are my cousin, but you are not interested… And frankly, nor am I…" I clench my hands tightly and I swallow hard, "You have absolutely no idea the importance of family do you? And you won't even consider giving me a chance and now you have fucking ruined a perfectly healthy relationship I _had_ with Anders…" I hiss, glaring at him.

"_Had_, Mari?" he whispers.

"Yes, _had_, Anders. I can't. Not while you…" I sigh, "Just let me go."

"But, Mari," he pleads as he reaches for my hands, "I don't understand… I thought this is what you wanted. I thought an _us_ is what you wanted. Was I mistaken or are you just angry for some reason I can't fathom?"

"Anders, perhaps you should let her go… She is not worth your time," says Solona and I see red. I push past him and I slap her. The crack resounds in my ears and I stagger backwards cradling my hand.

"Don't be such a bitch, Solona. I am not the enemy. You should respect him for the choice he made. The choice to be with me. You need to let him go… And what about Cullen, huh? He's good man who worships the ground you walk on or are you using him to get back at Anders?"

"No…I… Of course not," she murmurs, quickly recovering herself while she massages her cheek that bears the imprint of my hand.

"Then what is your problem?" I ask, but I am distracted by Anders who is gently examining my hand that simply won't stop throbbing. He examines each finger with that look of concentration I love so much, but when he examines the middle of my hand, I whimper.

"Oh Mari… You silly, wonderful woman, you have cracked a few bones… Maker, you certainly have a lot of strength for someone as petite and beautiful as you…"

"What?" I whimper as I flex my hand, but I cry out and hot tears of pain, hurt, anger and frustration flow, "Andy," I murmur as he gently wraps his arm around my shoulder while he heals my hand. I feel the bones creak back into place and it makes me feel quite ill. I clutch his shirt and I force the rising bile back down to where it belongs.

"Just relax. I'm almost done…," he says softly, "There you go," he murmurs as he slips his arms around me. I hoist my legs around his waist and he walks back into his bedroom. He tries to deposit me onto the bed, but I don't want to let him go.

"Mari," he sighs as he manages to sit on the bed and he jiggles himself until his back is against the wall, "What am I going to do with you?"

"Do you really have to flatter me to this extent?" I ask, breathing in his familiar scent that reminds me of home.

"I flatter you because I love you, Mari. What am I supposed to do to so that you can believe me? And ending my friendship with Solona is out of the question if that is what you are thinking… Solona, would you mind giving us some privacy?" he asks. I was not even aware she was still here and I don't even want to look in her direction because I am too angry, too hurt and I don't want her to see the extent of my feelings towards Anders.

"Later then," she says.

"No… There won't be a later today, Solona. I've done enough damage as it is and I need to fix things. You have to understand something, Solona, what you and I shared – it's over. I can't give you what you need. I love Marian and you have to accept that otherwise you are going to make yourself unhappy. You told me the other day Cullen makes you happy. That he gives you what you need, yet you are under the misconception we have a thing going. We don't. We never have. I love you, I do, but I love you as a brother loves his sister. We will always be friends, Solona. That hasn't changed," he says quietly.

"Tell me, Anders, if she didn't arrive, would there have been a chance-" she trails off.

"No, Solona, and I told you that long before she arrived… Now, if you will excuse me, I need to speak to her," he replies.

"Okay… I need to be somewhere else… _The Chantry_ is where I will be. It's the only place I find any solace from my upcoming _Harrowing_. Did you hear about the dance?" she asks.

"Yes… And we are going together. Why don't you ask Cullen? It's going to be an evening of fun," he suggests.

"It's just before my _Harrowing_, Anders. Why would I want to go to a dance before my _Harrowing_?" she asks.

"Fine, suit yourself. I just thought it would be a good way to take your minds off things," he says.

"I will think about. I better go. See you later," she says and with the closing of the door, she is gone and we are finally alone.

"Are you seriously considering going back to your dorm, Mari? And what did you ask Wynne?"

"Um… She's going to find out if there is a room available to me… I don't think sharing the same room with you is a good idea, Anders. Sometimes I need space to think and I can't think around you because you distract me," I explain.

"I distract you? What about you, Mari? You don't think you distract me? Like now. The way you are looking at me," he says quietly.

"Is it really a good idea, Anders?"

"Can't we give a try at least? For a week or two and if we find we can't do our assignments, then you can move into your own room and why do you want time away from me?"

"I don't, Anders," I reply, running my fingers through my hair.

"But you-"

"I know what I said… I like being with you. You make me happy except when you insist on mentioning Solona or running off to talk to her about Maker knows what and I don't care to know either."

"She's going through—" he trails off as I gracefully remove myself from his lap, and I grab my bag.

"I don't care what she's going through, Anders. You heard what she said earlier about how I am going to hurt you. That I am no good for you. How do you think it makes me feel to know that my boyfriend is discussing me with Solona, when you more than likely know more about me then she does?"

"I never discussed anything with her… Don't you see, Mari? She said that deliberately to get a reaction out of you and she has succeeded… And why are we fighting about something so trivial?" he asks as he stands in front of me. I study his hurt expression and the pain in his eyes and I realise I am being immature. I love him. _Why am I fighting with him?_ And I drop my bag and launch myself into his arms hard enough we stumble onto the bed. I seek out his mouth and when I find it, I press my lips against it and I demand an entrance. He shoots his arms around me and rolls with my until I am beneath me. He doesn't give me a chance to say anything and he seals his mouth over mine. I thread my fingers through his soft and silky hair. He half-moans, half-whimpers into my mouth as I relentlessly explore him. I reach between us for the belt of his pants and I pause. _I am in control here and do I really want to stop after a few, heated kisses?_

"Mari, please? I hate it when we fight, I really do. It is so insignificant compared to the way we feel about each other," he murmurs.

"And we shouldn't resolve our disagreements in this way, Anders…"

"And what way is that, exactly?" he asks.

"Making love, Anders. Every time we fight, we make love. What about making love when we want to establish a connection? What about making love just because…" I trail off.

"Just because, huh? Well, we aren't fighting now, Mari," he points out as he caresses my cheek.

"Anders…" I whisper, brushing his fringe back and curling my hand around the nape of his neck.

"You know we aren't," he says softly as he kisses the corner of my mouth before trailing a path of kisses along my jawline.

"But still, we shouldn't. We have already got into trouble because of what we did in the library," I remind him.

"And if I recall, we were interrupted. I don't think we are quite finished with each other just yet…" he says as he rolls with me until I straddle him. He reaches for the hem of my robes and he tugs it off.

"I really hate wearing those."

He reaches around and loosens my bra, "It's off now and so is this."

"Mmm… Obviously," I chuckle as I loosen the buttons of his shirt. I can't wait to press my hands against his chest. I hold my breath when I notice a few chest hairs peeking through and he chuckles as he rubs my arms.

"Always so soft and silky, Mari, especially when you are pressed tightly into me. I enjoy going to sleep like that. It makes me happy. Everything about you makes me happy," he says, skimming his fingers along the curve of my breasts.

"You make me happy to, Anders, except when you upset me, but I am willing to overlook that… Instead of this, why don't we rather go for a walk around the rose garden?" I ask as I gracefully slide off him. I open my drawer and I grab a blouse and my comfortable pants. I quickly pull them on before he gets any ideas and I extend my hand, "Walk with me, Andy? Please?"

"Oh, my poor wounded heart and here I thought I was in for a surprise. I guess I will have to wait for another day when my girlfriend is a bit more compliant," he jokes.

"Andy," I sigh, "I would really enjoy a walk with you. Come."

"Okay… Okay. If you insist, but do I get to hold your hand or are you still annoyed with me?" he asks.

"Oh honestly, of course you can hold my hand," I chuckle as I lace my fingers with his, "Better?" I can't resist asking and because he looks devilishly attractive with his mussed-up hair, I give him a kiss on his cheek.

"I will assume all is forgiven," he chuckles.

"For the moment…," I murmur.

-v-

We slowly stroll along the path leading around the rose garden and I take a few deep breaths of the cool, fresh air and my head clears and I realise how petty our argument was and I also realise that perhaps my handling of my cousin was out of line and I want to ask Anders, but he is busy plucking a red rose from the bed. He grins at me, but he doesn't give it to me, instead he beckons me to follow him to another bed of flowers and I grin.

"_Andraste's Grace_, here, Anders?"

"Yes, recently bloomed, my love and," he says as he plucks a flower and he gives it to me along with the single red rose, "Just as beautiful and intoxicating as you are."

"Here we go…again with the flattering. What is with all the flattering or are you making up for what happened today?"

"Well, when my girlfriend decides she would rather have her own room rather than accept Irving's offer of sharing a room with me, I realised I must have done something to really upset you…" he sighs, "Mari, I am truly sorry…"

"And I have forgotten about it already, Anders. Let's rather focus on us… And I am still going to befriend Solona. I am going to try damn hard to do so. I care about her, I really do."

"Do you really want to know what is bothering her, Mari?" he asks as we find a bench to sit on.

"It's her _Harrowing_, isn't it? And the fact that she is an orphan. An unwanted child. It's wrong and unfair," I reply.

"Exactly… And that reminds me, are you and I still going to the dance next month?" he asks.

"Who else would I go with, Anders?" I reply.

"Another _yes_ then," he replies.

"Yes… What are we to where, though? It's not as if they have clothes or robes for that type of occasion lying around in the _Circle_."

"I don't think it is a formal affair and I am sure the children will be included as well. It would be unfair to leave them out otherwise. The children… I feel sorry for them. Most of them remind me of myself when I first arrived here. I was overwhelmed, scared and I was sick with fever on top of that. Not exactly pleasant."

"At least you had Wynne and Solona to help you through it all. Most of the children are too distraught. Too homesick to really care," I murmur.

"And that is why they have people like you, Solona, Wynne and me to help them through their adjustment period. It took me six months to settle down nevermind the fact I was traumatised by what happened when the Templars forcibly took me away from my Mom…"

He shudders slightly and I slip my arm around his waist, "Hey, I'm here, Andy. I'm here for you," I murmur.

"I know. I don't like thinking about it because it only serves to remind me of my deep hatred towards the Templars. Something that will more than likely cost me my life one day," he says softly.

"Don't say that… You have a good heart and a lot of love to give and I would hate it if you lose that. I would miss my healer mage," I chuckle.

"Your healer mage, huh? What about my healer mage? Who is still non-compliant," he chuckles.

"Anders, I think you are full of nonsense this evening, however, I may be more compliant much later, but for now I am happy being with you," I murmur as I place my hand on his thigh and I am delighted by the way the muscle tenses. Feeling a bit brave, I skim my hand upwards to his stomach and the muscles also tense. Smiling sweetly at him, I place my rose and flower next to him and I swing myself onto his lap.

"Now she wants to comply… Maker, help me," he murmurs. I expect him to slip his arms around me or at least place his hands on my hips, but he sits back and rests his hands on both of my thighs, "Do you know that this is a very compromising position, Mari? Do you realise that anyone, if they should walk by, will see us and do you want that after what happened in the library today?"

"Mmm… And he claims to know me so well… Just give me a chance," I reply as I tug his shirt free of his pants. I push his shirt up exposing the planes and muscles of his stomach and I press my hands against the flat of his stomach and he elicits a low sigh. I smile up at him and he rolls his eyes.

"Mari, don't tease me," he murmurs huskily.

"I am not teasing you," I whisper, curling my hand around the nape of his neck and I give him a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"Mmm, I would say you are and I am more than willing to allow you to continue teasing me in the privacy of my… No… Our room," he says.

"Not tonight. I have studying to do and I would appreciate if you could tell me what you know about _Elemental Magic_…"

"Again, she disappoints me… But I will tell you what I know if you do something for me in return," he says.

"Fair enough. I won't ask what you have in mind. I think I will leave that for you to decide."

"Then you are in for a surprise, my beautiful Mari," he says softly and by the intense look in his eyes, I know exactly what he has planned for us.


	15. The Hawke Family Legacy I - Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

He twirls me around, much to my delight and I giggle like a carefree girl. Sometimes I remind myself of Bethany and my good humour disappears. He realises it because he stops in the middle of the dancefloor and he lifts my chin.

"What is it, Mari? What was in the letter you received from your Mom? You haven't been yourself since I found you in the library, reading it."

I look away from him, "What does it matter, Anders? I can't help her or be there for her, now can I?"

"Love, what did your Mom say?" he asks quietly, firmly in a voice that leaves no room for argument.

"She's acting out, Anders. She refuses to listen to my Dad and she refuses to learn the value of her gift… I somehow feel it's my fault for not being the role model he wanted me to be and she's only nine."

"Wait… I don't understand. You have been here for what nearly seven coming up for eight months and from what you have told me, you only…rebelled when you turned sixteen. From what I can gather you rebelled during those six months after your birthday… How can you honestly think you are to blame?"

"Because, Anders, she was sometimes with me and then I only used my magic for little things, like setting a small tree aflame only to extinguish it with ice… It was more to show her what my capabilities were…"

"And where is the harm in that, Mari? Showing her what being a mage is all about? It's not about power or even the desire to have power, it's more of… It doesn't matter about the power, Mari. It's what you choose to do with it that is important. You heal. You are good with fire and ice. I heal. I am good with lightning and earth, however and that reminds me… I have not shown you the true gift of being good with lightning. Let me show you," he murmurs, "We just need a secluded spot…"

"Wait, surely we can wait until later, Anders?"

"Mmm… But I want to show you…"

"Show me what, exactly?"

"This," he replies as he emits a small spark of lighting from his fingertips. He closes his hand, opens it and a purple ball of lightning floats off it and bobs gently above us.

"It's beautiful, Andy," I whisper as I reach out and touch it. It sends a tingle of electricity along my arm and down into my happy place and I swallow my gasp of surprise or is it pleasure?

"I would show you more, but I think we will leave that for later," he says.

"And you only show me now, Andy?"

"Yes… I thought you might appreciate it and it really does add a spark to things," he replies, "Mmm… I see Solona has decided to join in with the fun and she is with Cullen," he says softly.

"I know… I spoke to her the other day and she told me she decided to come and that she would bring Cullen with her and she also seemed in better spirits about her Harrowing that is going to take place next week. She doesn't seem as anxious, but then again, she spends a lot of time in the Chantry. Perhaps it helps her," I comment.

"Perhaps it does," he murmurs.

"But she also mentioned that Jowan keeps on hovering around her, asking her why she's been selected for her Harrowing… You know the story… I am sure he is the one dabbling in Blood Magic. He has that almost-evil look about him and Lily doesn't understand why he disappears for hours. She says she has no idea what he is doing. How can she be so blind?" I ask.

"I heard that both Irving and Greagoir suspect him, but it seems as if they are biding their time. I just get the feeling they are waiting for something. Waiting for someone to make a mistake and then this _Circle_ will be sealed until they find those responsible."

"They do that, Anders?" I ask, not quite believing the weight of his words, but the seriousness in his eyes tells me otherwise.

"They seal the doors leading into the _Apprentice Dorms_, Mari and then they send in the Templars who will search each floor until every blood mage is eradicated and yes, they do take a small complement of mages with them, should they encounter pride demons, desire demons and abominations."

"Wait," I murmur, pressing my fingers against my now-throbbing temples and I close my eyes, "Fade spirits? Blood magic breaks the _Veil_ shielding our world from the world of the _Fade_?"

"Any person, mage or non-mage dealing with spirits, whether they are benign or malignant, ruptures the _Veil_. That is why it is so important to keep the two worlds separate, however, a non-mage or a particularly sensitive mage can unknowingly tap into the Fade and become possessed by a demon. Demons prey on the weak and vulnerable, Mari. The result is never good," he replies.

"You seem to know an awfully lot about this, Andy," I frown.

"Mari, haven't you read the tomes and books in the library? There are many books and tomes on the subject."

"Anders, the library is huge. There are thousands of books to read. Much of my time spent here, was reading about the _Creation School_. The _Elemental__ School_ and I read one book… one book on _Blood Magic_," I reply, "And then you were quick to assume I was dabbling in the _Forbidden School_," I continue, fighting down the hurt I feel about that memory.

"Mari, I was an arse. I won't deny it. I was worried about you, that's all. It shouldn't come a surprise and I did apologise… But my love, you should read about the _Fade_ and the spirits and all of that. Your _Harrowing_ is coming up as well and you are going to have to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for it. It's not easy and I suggest you spend more time in the library…"

"Please don't spoil our evening, Anders. You know I was looking forward to this dance. Don't spoil it with sombre talk… Are we going to continue dancing? We haven't moved from this spot."

"True… Yes, we can. Ready?" he asks and once again we circle the dancefloor. Solona is dancing intimately close with Cullen and she looks happy. She catches my eye and winks at me before we move away. As we circle the dancefloor again, I notice Irving and Wynne speaking to a man and I frown.

"Who's that, Anders?" I ask.

"Mmm… I think that is Duncan of the _Grey Wardens_. I wonder why he is here?" he asks.

"_Grey Wardens_? Here? Why?" I ask.

"Maker knows, Mari… _Grey Wardens_ only come around when they are looking for people to recruit into their order and I bet you haven't read much about them either," he states.

"No. I only know as much as what my parents and you have told me, but why would they come here? Is there going to be another _Blight_?" I ask.

"Trust me, Mari, if there was going to be another _Blight_, we would know about it, but I can't fathom why he is here… Let's move closer shall we?" he asks and we dance closer to them only this time Wynne has joined them as well as Greagoir.

"Duncan, I am pleased you have joined us. I wasn't too sure whether you would after our discussion earlier… Have you changed your mind?" asks Irving.

"About recruiting several mages, Solona Amell, included?" he replies.

"Yes… She's the best we have next to Anders and Marian Amell-Hawke. All three of them have great potential," replies Irving.

"Another Amell? Would you mind introducing us?" he asks.

"No, but please bear in mind that she is not a resident of the _Circle_. She is here for academic reasons. She will return to her family in about eighteen month's time," he replies.

"It doesn't matter. I would like to meet her," he replies.

"Andy, let's-" I trail off as soon as Irving beckons to me. I release Anders, not his hand and I join them

"Good evening, Irving. Wynne. Greagoir and Duncan of the Grey Wardens."

"Good evening to you, Ms Amell-Hawke…" he says as he appraises me and I instinctively press myself into Andy's side and he slips his arm around my waist.

"Ser, good evening," murmurs Anders respectfully.

"And who might you be?" he asks, taking his outstretched hand.

"Anders," he says quietly as they eye each other and Anders is the first to release his hand, but he doesn't break eye contact with Duncan.

"Mmm… He would make a fine G_rey Warden_, Irving, however, he is not what I am looking for at the moment. I need someone who is proficient at fire and ice and this young lady," he says, pointing at me, "Would be the right candidate, however she is still young, but Solona Amell… She's the one, Irving," he continues.

"What business do you want with my cousin, Ser Duncan?" I enquire.

"A Grey Warden's business is his own, my dear girl however if I invoke the _Rite of Conscription_ who is she to refuse?" he asks. Frowning, I glance at Anders who is staring him out.

"Mari, I think we should go… Come," he says softly as he tugs me away.

"But Anders," I protest.

"Irving, are they-" asks Duncan, a smile playing around his lips.

"I won't lie to you, Duncan, but yes that are practically inseparable. They spend hours together, studying and nurturing their young minds with the extensive knowledge residing in the library," he replies.

"But Irving, I am no fool. The _Chantry_ forbids such… Whatever it is you call it," he says.

"And since when does anyone of us follow what the _Chantry_ dictates?" he chuckles as he beckons Duncan to follow him, Wynne and Greagoir.

"They want my cousin, Anders. Why?" I whisper as we find a quiet table to sit at. I am no longer in the mood for this frivolity and all I want is to disappear into his room for a few peaceful hours.

"He's right, Mari. The R_ite of Conscription_ is binding and no-one refuses it. I've heard and _read_," he says deliberately emphasizing _read,_ "That it is considered a great honour to become a _Grey Warden_. They are the only Order who can hear and sense _Darkspawn_," he continues, "I for one will not consider it… Why should I when it means leaving this circle that holds me trapped only to go into something else that I have no hope of ever leaving? No thank you, Mari. I am quite happy with what I have…"

"No, you aren't, Anders. You don't belong in the _Circle_. You are too restless and you know as well as I do that I am the only reason why you are so intent on staying…" I point out.

"I love you, Mari and because of that, nothing else matters, except the way I feel about you or the way you smile at me. Or the way you will reach for my hand just so you have physical contact. Hell, you even argue with me. I think I love that most of all seeing you get hot under the collar. I tell you, it does something to me," he chuckles.

"And you infuriate me, Anders. Sometimes you are so stubborn and that is when I think you will give a Hawke a run for their sovereigns. You would fit right in with us, Anders and I am going to miss that… Less than eighteen months…" I trail off because I don't have the words to express myself, "I would rather not think about that at all… Dance with me, Andy. Dance with me to distract me," I murmur, grabbing his hand with the intention of pulling him to his feet.

"I have another way of distracting you, Mari, if you will kindly allow me the indulgence," he chuckles.

"Anders, really. Is that what I am good for?" I chuckle.

"Mmm… No. There are several other things. My list is endless… In fact, I was thinking along the lines of taking you to the library and showing you a book to read about the _Fade_, spirits and such like," he replies.

"Anders, not now… I spent most of the day studying the _Primal School_… I prefer the _Elemental School_," I murmur.

"Hey, it doesn't matter, Mari. What matters is where your strength lies and yours lies with the _Elemental School_ and the _Creation School_ to a certain degree," he says.

"Yes, and you are simply the best Healer around, Anders," I chuckle.

"I am," he says, puffing out his chest and I roll my eyes.

"Don't let it go to your head, Anders. I didn't fall in love with someone who is arrogant," I tease.

"Me? Arrogant? No… I just like to hear you say it and you say it often therefore it must be true, however, we can't deny Wynne is the best…" he says.

"True, but so are you," I tease, "I am ready to dance with you now… Come." And I tug him to his feet and lead him back to the dancefloor. I wind my way through the crowd until I am near by cousin who is laughing jovially about something Cullen said.

"Having fun?" I ask, breezing past her.

"This was an excellent idea, Mari. Thank you for encouraging me to come… But I must say you and Anders sure know how to dance," she chuckles.

"We do, don't we?" asks Anders as he grabs my hand and he twirls me around twice, until I half-stumble back into his arms where I slip my arms securely around his neck to get rid of my dizziness.

"You okay?" he murmurs.

"Yes… Just dizzy. Too much excitement. Too much twirling around. Can't we just dance in one spot?" And he grins at me in that way that says he has something planned, "I think I am going to regret what I've just suggested, aren't I?"

"Well, firstly, we can dance on the spot and secondly, it will give me a chance to show you my moves," he replies.

"I am going to regret this," I chuckle, "but what moves, Andy? What are you talking about?"

"Well," he says softly as he tugs me into his frame for a very snug fit, "It's called making love on the dancefloor," he continues softly for me alone to hear and I blush…profusely. His tone of voice is husky and it sends a message to my happy place. I decide not to say anything, instead, I cure my hands around his neck. He moves us away from everyone back to our dark corner and he drops his hands to my buttocks and he rolls his hips in a suggestive way. I want to roll my eyes, but I find I can't… It's deeply intimate. I clutch his shoulders, unsure of what else to expect and he rolls his hips a second time.

"Follow my lead," he murmurs exhaling slowly. He rolls his hips a third time and I follow suit. In no time, I am gripping his biceps in an effort to control myself and I have difficulty in keeping my breathing quiet. Every time he rolls his hips, he brushes up against me and each time, I whimper only to have my whimper stifled my his demanding mouth. He reaches for my hands, stretches them above my head and he holds them securely with one hand while he lightly presses his other into the small of my back, coaxing me closer and I am acutely aware of the hard ridge beneath his smart, black breeches and I reach for him. He deepens our kiss to stifle his moans, but I don't stop there. I want to feel the warmth and heaviness of his erection between my hands. _Maker, I am so wanton_. I loosen his belt, then the top button followed by the zip I pull down and he moans as his erection springs free and I gently close my hand around it, however he has other ideas and I realise we need to disappear for a few, and what I hope to be, fulfilling hours.

"Andy, let's go…now." It's an urgent plea and without a word passing between us, I find our way through the crowds of friends and mentors dancing with each other, however we don't get very far, when my cousin grabs my hand, forcing me to release his, but not for long as he reclaims my hand. She leads us out into the corridor.

"Solona?" I ask, noticing her anxious expression, "What is it?"

"Jowan, Mari. That fucking bastard wants me do something for him after my _Harrowing_… That is if I survive it," she murmurs.

"What does he want you to do, Solona? Is it true… about his _Blood Magic_? Are you involved?" asks Anders quietly, coldly even I don't miss his cold tone of voice and I glare at him, but he brushes past me, "Solona,"

"You idiot, Anders. Why in the Maker's name would I use that? I despise that school. You know I do," she says quietly and just as coldly.

"Okay… Fuck. I am sorry for saying anything, Solona. I know you are anxious about your _Harrowing_. We are here to help you, yet you still refuse to see that now, don't you?" he asks, affronted.

"Okay… I don't need either of you fighting… There has been enough unpleasantness between us and I suggest we discuss this as adults… Understand?" I ask, glancing at her. I want to smile at her shocked expression and then I glance at Anders who is equally shocked.

"You know things have been unpleasant between the three of us. If it is not you, Solona, and I fighting, Anders and I fight and frankly, I have had enough. Now, are you prepared to tell us what Jowan wants you to do?" I ask quietly, folding my arms across my chest.

"You are right. Why are you always so reasonable, Marian? It confounds me," she murmurs.

"Please. That's hardly accurate, however I do want the three of us to reach a peaceful solution… It' simple. I love Anders. He loves me. And it might surprise you, but I love you to. You are my cousin. My Mom's niece and I am sorry for what happened to you, I really am. It can't be easy knowing your parents didn't love you enough to try and keep you like most parents of mage children do, but I love you and yes, Anders does love you as a sister and he cares about your welfare… I care about your welfare. Maker knows, I am not looking forward to my Harrowing either. Especially after what he told me about demons and such like…

"Really?" she asks, "You care?"

"Oh Solona, of course I do. Come here," I reply as I reach for her hands, but she throws her arms around me.

"Mari… I am sorry…for everything… I have asked myself many times why I don't want to get to know you and I still don't have an answer. I guess I should that as a sign to get to know you… I am sorry… Andy, come here," she calls and soon he wraps his arms around us both.

"Love you both, but I love you more, Mari," he says softly, "And Solona, the sister I never had… You mean the world to me," he murmurs.

"Mmm… The brother I never had… I don't even know if I have siblings…" she trails off.

"Well, I don't know either. My Mom never mentioned any other children except for you…" I murmur.

"Perhaps they didn't have another child. Too risky," she whispers.

"That didn't stop my parents, Solona. My sister is a mage as well. She's only nine," I explain as I disentangle myself out of their arms, "But back to what you said earlier. What does he want from you?"

"Jowan? He made me promise not to tell anyone, but I told him I can't do anything now. I told him he can bother me after my _Harrowing_ because I don't need any stress at the moment," she replies.

"You should speak to Irving, Solona. I suggest you do. You don't want to get caught up in anything you can't get out of," he says firmly, leaving little room for argument.

"I will be fine, Anders. I can take care of myself, you know and besides that you should focus you attention on Marian who will need all the advice and support you can give to her leading up to her _Harrowing_ that is a few short months away," she retorts, "Now if you will excuse, I better head back to the dance otherwise Cullen is going to look for me. See you later."

I watch her flounce back into the _Great Hall_ and when I can't see anymore, I glance at Anders who is watching me with deeply golden-brown eyes and my breathing hitches and I quickly look away feeling a bit embarrassed by my reaction to him. I don't know what it is about him, but he literally gets under my skin.

"So, are you ready to head to bed, Mari?" he asks deliberately slowly as he deliberately places his hand on the small of my back where he deliberately traces small circles there and nodding meekly, I take his outstretched hand and I allow him to lead me away from the noise of the _Great Hall_, through the corridor, to the _Second Floor_ stairs and into the privacy of his room.


End file.
